Win a Date with Nightcloud
by Empress Tansy
Summary: Nightcloud now has her very own show! After The Yellowfang and Nightcloud Show ended, everyone's favorite quirky, annoying, hashtag-loving, Crowfeather-hating host started a game show. Watch as three toms struggle to answer Nightcloud's slew of random questions in an effort to win the ultimate prize. It's time to play Win a Date with Nightcloud!
1. Chapter 1

**_(A/N: Notice- this is a new and improved introduction, posted on April 16, 2014. Minor changes have been made.)_**

_Episode 1: Introduction_

A crowd of cats gathered in a familiar auditorium, sitting in rows of seats in front of a well-lit stage. The show they had once come to see here had ended, but a new one was just beginning, and the stage had been redecorated by the host. The back wall of the stage was now painted a pale pink, and had a giant red heart painted in the center, with several small hearts painted around it. In the center heart, written in yellow paint, was the new show's title: _Win a Date with Nightcloud_. On the center of the stage floor sat three green plush chairs, with a red plush chair off to the side. A familiar black she-cat sat in the red chair, bouncing slightly, barely able to contain her excitement. On the left side of the stage sat a large, ragged-looking brown tom wearing a sparkly pink sweater and a blue security guard vest. A ginger she-cat sat in front of the stage, holding a brand-new, state-of-the-art camera. When the ginger camera-cat waved her paws, the black cat on stage began her new show.

"Welcome to Win a Date with Nightcloud!" she meowed happily. "I'm Nightcloud, the beautiful, talented, amazing, sweet, lovely host of this all new show, but you all already knew that. I'm sure you've all seen the show I was previously on- The Yellowfang and Nightcloud Show- but now I have a show of my own! I don't have to share the stage anymore! Anyway, now I'm running a game show. I'm sure you all remember that Crowfeather and I are finally done, right? He's back with Leafpool permanently, so I'm single and ready to mingle! This game show is basically a way for me to meet cute toms that I can date. So let me explain how this show works- on each episode, three toms will answer a series of questions, written by me, and I judge their answers based on how awesome they are. The toms are competing for the grand prize- a date with me!"

The ginger director padded up onto the stage to add some more details. "Any tom could appear on the show- ThunderClan, RiverClan, WindClan, or ShadowClan. They could even be from SkyClan! They don't even have to be alive. Seriously, any canon tom has the chance to appear on the show. So, all you toms out there- beware, you might be forced to compete, even if you already have a mate. The only toms that will never be competitors are Crowfeather and Breezepelt- literally any other canon tom can be on the show."

Nightcloud nodded. "Tansy's right. I just don't want a bunch of WindClan toms that I already know to appear. I've already dated most of the living ones. I need more! The toms that do compete on the show will be randomly selected by my scorekeeper, my security guard, and me. The more random the toms, the more fun the show will be!"

"Nightcloud will also be writing her own questions to ask the toms," Tansy added, "and they will be random, too. She's never going to ask 'What's your favorite kind of freshkill?' I told Nightcloud that she can ask anything at all, so long as it's appropriate for our younger viewers. We don't want to scar apprentices and tear the innocence away from kits."

"That's my job," the brown tom in the pink sweater meowed.

Nightcloud glared at the security guard. "No it isn't, Brokenstar. Your job is to keep crazed fans from interrupting the show, dragging unconscious cats off stage, and stopping any fights that break out."

"Do I get to murder anyone?" Brokenstar asked.

"Maybe, if they deserve it," the host meowed. "If Crowfeather interrupts the show, I'll allow it."

Tansy only shook her head, amused by Nightcloud's bitterness toward her former mate. "In conclusion, this is supposed to be a fun show, and Nightcloud and our hostages- I mean contestants- make it fun! Hm...I don't know where 'hostages' came from. We plan on keeping the toms in very nice luxury suites while they wait to appear on the show. We most certainly don't hold them hostage or anything evil like that."

Nightcloud smiled. "This show is going to be awesome, so I'm sorry for the lame pilot. Tansy said there had to be an introductory episode where we explain all the boring stuff. Now that that's all done with, we can finally get on with the game. Let's play Win a Date with Nightcloud!"


	2. Lionblaze, Bramblestar, Blackstar

**_(A/N: Here's the first competition! What to expect in the first game- Nightcloud finds out who her scorekeeper is, Brokenstar may or may not have a collection of random items backstage that can be used to hurt contestants, and somebody is REALLY bad at answering questions...)_**

_Episode 2: Lionblaze, Bramblestar, Blackstar_

A tabby-and-white she-cat stood in the center of a well-lit stage. "Welcome to ClanTV's all-new game show- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" she meowed loudly. "Let's all give a warm round of applause for the talented, brilliant, wonderful host of this fine show- Nightcloud!"

Nightcloud raced onto the stage, skidding to a halt beside the tabby-and-white cat. Glaring down at the director, she hissed, "Tansy, what is Leafpool doing here? I told her I don't want a co-host!"

"Calm down, Nightcloud," the ginger camera-cat said. "She's just the announcer and score-keeper."

Leafpool nodded. "Right. I only get to introduce the show, announce who the contestants are, and keep track of who's winning. I won't be the star of your show."

The black host narrowed her eyes. "Why can't Brokenstar be the announcer?"

"He already has a job," Tansy reminded her. "Just let Leafpool do the announcements. You're friends now, remember?"

"Fine," Nightcloud sighed, sitting down in her red plush chair.

Leafpool turned to face the audience. "And now for the contestants on this episode of Win a Date with Nightcloud- give it up for Lionblaze, Bramblestar, and Blackstar!"

The three toms padded confidently onto the stage. Lionblaze settled into the green chair closest to the host, while Bramblestar took the middle chair and Blackstar sat on the end.

"It's great to be here today, Nightcloud," Lionblaze meowed. "I know I'll win."

Blackstar rolled his eyes. "No you won't. I will."

"Sorry, Squirrelflight!" Bramblestar meowed to the camera. "I was told I didn't have a choice! I had to be on the show."

Nightcloud smiled as she picked up a stack of pink notecards that had been placed on a small glass table next to her chair. "Let's get this show on the road, toms," she meowed. "Basically, I'll ask a question, and then all three of you will have a chance to answer it. You get one point for each correct response. At the end of the show, the tom with the most points wins a date with me. Leafpool, tell these lovely toms what they're playing for."

"Today's prize is a date with Nightcloud at Thistleclaw's Pizza Shack of Evil- brought to you by Thistleclaw, the maker of the world's best evil pizza!" Leafpool meowed.

"Now for the first question," Nightcloud said, glancing at the top notecard. "What is your favorite brand of glitter?"

"Cinderheart's Super Sparkly Glitter of Sparkles, of course!" Lionblaze answered immediately, barely giving the host time to finish her question.

Bramblestar thought for a moment. "Well, I like Rainbow Sparkles of Happiness the best. It has the biggest variety of colors."

"And I like Sunstar's Sunshiny Glitter of Joy and Sunshine!" Blackstar meowed.

Nightcloud nodded quickly, knowing that she only liked one of those brands. "The winner is Blackstar!" she meowed. "Sunstar's Sunshiny Glitter of Joy and Sunshine is the best glitter ever. It's so bright and cheerful, like me!"

"Yay!" the ShadowClan leader cheered.

"So that's one point for Blackstar!" Leafpool meowed, writing a tally mark on a white board with a pink marker.

The host read the next notecard. "Question two: Who is your favorite Dark Forest cat?"

Lionblaze narrowed his eyes. "But they're all evil! I can't pick a favorite!"

"Pick one or Brokenstar will hurt you in ways you can't imagine," Nightcloud growled.

"No!" the golden tom hissed. "I most certainly will not!"

Brokenstar padded up to the tom and smacked him with a coffee pot. "That's what you get for refusing to answer Nightcloud's question!"

Bramblestar stared at the security guard in shock. "Um…I don't exactly like Dark Forest cats, either, but if I had to choose one I'd say Tigerstar. He is my father, after all."

"Tigerstar's my answer, too," Blackstar meowed. "He was a good leader for ShadowClan, even if he really hated ThunderClan and nearly destroyed the forest by bringing Scourge in."

"All three of you are wrong!" Nightcloud exclaimed. "The correct answer was Brokenstar!"

The ragged tom nodded. "Yep. I at least still serve a purpose in society. I'm not languishing away in prison like the other Dark Forest cats."

Leafpool updated the score on her whiteboard. "We've got one point for Blackstar, zero points for Bramblestar, and negative one point for Lionblaze!"

"Hey, that's not fair!" the golden tom cried.

Nightcloud glared at the contestant. "Deal with it. Question three: What are your thoughts on Breezepelt?"

Blackstar answered first this time. "I never really met him, but if he's your son he must be pretty cool. You are."

"Good answer," the host meowed. "Bramblestar?"

"He was a traitor!" the ThunderClan leader reminded her. "He turned on us during the Great Battle."

Nightcloud narrowed her eyes. "So you don't like him?"

Bramblestar's eyes widened with worry. "Oh, I didn't say that!" he mewed quickly. "I mean…um…he's a really good fighter and WindClan's lucky to have him."

"That's much better," the host growled.

"Well, I hate him!" Lionblaze spat. "He's the worst half-brother ever! He didn't even send Hollyleaf a Get Well Soon Card after she died! How rude is that?"

"Wrong answer!" Nightcloud yowled. "Bramblestar and Blackstar got it right."

"So that makes two points for Blackstar, one point for Bramblestar, and negative two points for Lionblaze!" Leafpool announced.

Nightcloud glanced down at her notecards. "For the last question: On a scale of one to ten, how attractive am I?"

"Zero!" Lionblaze howled. "You are a lunatic and should be locked up in a mental institution for thinking Breezepelt is amazing! You aren't even pretty at all! Just deranged!"

"Okay, that does it!" the host spat. "Brokenstar, get this cat off of my stage!"

"Certainly," the security guard meowed, grabbing Lionblaze by his scruff and yanking him off of the chair. He roughly dragged the contestant off of the stage, while the guest continued yowling about how unattractive Nightcloud is.

Bramblestar stared after the two toms in shock. "Um…I won't make the same mistake he did. I guess I'd give you a seven, maybe an eight."

"Well, I'd give you a ten!" Blackstar meowed. "The only reason Bramblestar didn't is because he's too afraid of what Squirrelflight would say! Nightcloud, you are super attractive!"

"Correct!" the host cheered. "What does that make the final scores, Leafpool?"

"One point for Bramblestar, three points for Blackstar, and negative three points for Lionblaze!"

Nightcloud nodded. "It looks like the winner is obvious! Congratulations, Blackstar!"

"Yay!" The white tom with black paws cheered. "I get to take Nightcloud out for evil pizza! This is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me!"

Bramblestar was also looking quite happy. "Thank StarClan I didn't win! Squirrelflight would be furious if I took another she-cat out on a date!"

Tansy turned the camera toward her. "That's it for this episode, everyone! Tune in next time to see which crazy toms will compete and what random questions will be asked!"


	3. Jayfeather, Whitestorm, Foxleap

_Episode 3: Jayfeather, Whitestorm, Foxleap_

"Welcome back to the popular new game show- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool meowed. "We have an excellent trio of toms competing for a date today! Here's your host- the fabulous, the gorgeous, the awesome Nightcloud!"

"Thank you for that wonderful introduction, Leafpool," the black she-cat meowed, sitting down on her red plush chair. Who are our victims- I mean contestants- today?"

The tabby-and-white she-cat glanced at the pink notecard she was holding. "Please give some enthusiastic applause for Jayfeather, Whitestorm, and Foxleap!"

The audience cheered as the three toms padded onto the stage. The blind medicine cat sat down on the green chair next to Nightcloud's, while Whitestorm took the middle chair.

Leafpool continued her announcement. "Today, you three will be competing for a fantastic prize- taking Nightcloud on a date to Pinestar's Museum of Kittypet History- brought to you by Kittypet Inc., a Pinestar company."

"What a wonderful prize!" Jayfeather meowed. "I do so love museums."

Whitestorm flashed the camera a marvelous smile. "I just love looking handsome. Do you see the way my white fur shines in the light?"

"I'm just here for a random insert!" Foxleap exclaimed happily.

"Right…" Nightcloud meowed. "Now let's start the game. The first question is: What is your favorite book?"

Jayfeather answered first. "Well, I personally love _Richard III _by William Shakespeare. I realize that it's a play, not a book, but it is a very enjoyable read. I love old English writing!"

"Boring!" the black host cried. "How about you, Whitestorm?"

"My favorite book is How to be Handsome by Hawkfrost," the tom replied. "This book taught me all about what she-cats find attractive, including what shampoo to use, what cologne to buy, what clothes to wear…"

Nightcloud looked confused. "But cats don't wear clothes. That's just weird, Whitestorm."

Foxleap jumped out of his chair, bouncing around the stage like a high-on-caffeine wildebeest. "My favorite book is Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Suess cuz Dr. Suess is the best author EVA!"

"Random!" Nightcloud meowed. "Hm…I like Foxleap's answer the best! He wins the round!"

"Awesomesauce!" the reddish- colored tom meowed, collapsing in his chair, exhausted.

Leafpool grabbed her pink marker and put a tally mark by Foxleap's name. "That's a point for Foxleap!"

Nightcloud read the next notecard. "Question two: What is your favorite Disney song?"

"'Once Upon a Dream' from _Sleeping Beauty_!" Foxleap shouted. "I love princess movies cuz I'm a pretty pretty princess!"

Whitestorm shook his head at the younger warrior's insanity. "My favorite song is 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight' from _The Meowing King_."

"And mine is 'Let it Go' from _Frozen_," Jayfeather meowed.

"Oh, Jaykins, does that mean you've finally forgiven me?" Leafpool gasped, running over to the gray tom and giving him a massive hug.

"No, Mother," he hissed. "And don't call me 'Jaykins'!"

The scorekeeper began singing as she let go of her son. "Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore! Let it go, let it go-"

"Leafpool, stop singing!" Nightcloud hissed. "Don't you know I'm the only one who's allowed to sing on this show?"

"Sorry, Nighty," Leafpool sighed, padding back to her whiteboard.

The black host shook her head angrily. "Anyway, you all should know that any song from _The_ _Meowing King _movies automatically wins. Whitestorm gets the point!"

The tabby-and-white scorekeeper draws a pink tally mark next to Whitestorm's name. "One point Whitestorm, one point Foxleap, zero points for my little boy!"

"Mom!" Jayfeather cried.

Nightcloud laughed. "Let it go, Jayfeather. Every mother loves calling their son cutesy names. The third question is: Who is the most attractive tom on the planet?"

"The answer is quite clear!" Whitestorm meowed. "It is obviously me."

Foxleap shook his head. "No it isn't. The most attractive tom is…Berrynose!"

"He sure thinks so, anyway," Jayfeather meowed. "I personally think my grandfather, Firestar, is the most attractive tom."

"How do you even know what he looks like?" Foxleap asked. "You're blind!"

"And I walk in cats' dreams. I know what everyone looks like," the gray tom replied.

Nightcloud looked amused as she prepared to announce the correct answer. "Foxleap is right! Berrynose is the most attractive tom on the planet!"

"Yay! Yay for me!" Foxleap cheered, leaping from his chair and doing a bizarre happy dance that resulted in him falling off of the stage. "I'm okay!" he meowed as he crashed into the floor.

"So we've got two points for Foxleap, one point for Whitestorm, and still no points for my little angel!" Leafpool announced.

Nightcloud nodded, studying the whiteboard. "Okay, we've got time for one more question. What are your reasons to hate Crowfeather?"

"Nighty, you can't ask that!" the scorekeeper cried.

"Yes I can, Leafpool," the host argued. "You just stay by your whiteboard and keep quiet."

Whitestorm answered first. "Hm…Crowfeather has a horrible attitude, and he didn't follow any of Hawkfrost's advice in How to be Handsome. He's a loser!"

Foxleap answered next. "Crowfeather is, like, so awful and, like, a bad mate and, like, a purple monkey!"

"Crowfeather's like a purple monkey?" Nightcloud questioned. "How hard did you hit your head?"

"Enough to cause massive brain damage!" the reddish-colored tom meowed.

Jayfeather shifted in his chair. "What are my reasons to hate Crowfeather? For one, he's a terrible father- to all four of his kits! Two, he denied Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, and I were his. Three, he has a horrible attitude that I DID NOT INHERIT, SO DON'T SAY I DID! And four, he's a jerk!"

"Jaykins, you take that back and say something nice about your father this instant!" Leafpool hissed.

"Mother, leave me alone!" 'Jaykins' spat.

Nightcloud glared at her scorekeeper once again, but didn't say anything to her this time. "Jayfeather, _no one_ thinks you inherited Crowfeather's grumpiness," she meowed sarcastically. "I'll give Jayfeather a point for having the correct answer, and Foxleap a point just because his answer was funny!"

Leafpool nodded, and counted the final scores. "Whitestorm finishes with one point, Jayfeather has one point, and Foxleap has three points!"

The winner climbed back on stage, jumping up and down like a kangaroo. "Yes! I won!" he cried, and began spinning around the stage happily. Brokenstar quickly got annoyed by the tom's randomness and hit him on the head with a cherry pie, knocking Foxleap unconscious.

Nightcloud stared at her date. "Well, I guess we'll have to go to the Kittypet Museum after he wakes up. Until then I think I'll draw a mustache on him with a permanent marker!"

"Oh, and can I put him in a purple sweater with a rainbow on it?" Brokenstar asked. "Mom just finished knitting it this morning!"

Tansy sighed loudly from in front of her camera, trying not to laugh. "I guess that's the end of the show, but don't change the channel! Enjoy a new segment on Win a Date with Nightcloud- 'Doing Stuff to Toms While Their Unconscious'!"


	4. Blackstar, Stonefur, Berrynose

_Episode 4: Blackstar, Stonefur, Berrynose_

Leafpool sat in Nightcloud's chair reading How to be a Lovely She-cat by Brindleface. When Tansy gave her a nod, she put her book down and introduced the show. "Welcome back to the game show that puts all the other game shows to shame- Win a Date with Nightcloud! If you watched our last episode, I'm sure you're all wondering what happened to Foxleap. Well, I'll tell you. Nightcloud drew a fancy handlebar mustache on him with a green permanent marker, Brokenstar put him in a purple sweater with a rainbow on it, Whitestorm sprayed him with Sweet Pea scented perfume, and Jayfeather made him a hat made out of orange felt and glitter. He looked adorable, and Icecloud has put pictures all over PawBook for all of you to see. Now here's the funny, beautiful, kind, generous host of this fine show- Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat padded onto the stage, glaring at the announcer. "You're in my chair."

"It's more comfortable than the other chairs," Leafpool explained.

"They're made out of the same stuff!" the host cried. "They feel exactly the same!"

The tabby-and-white she-cat shrugged, climbing off of the chair. "Let's welcome our contestants now! Blackstar, Stonefur, and Berrynose are competing today for the grand prize- taking Nightcloud on a three day cruise to the Bahamas, courtesy of _I'm a Little Seacat Cruising Inc_., a sundrown place company.

The three guests padded out onto the stage. Blackstar hurried over to Nightcloud's side. "Hi, Cutie!" he gushed. "Remember our date to Thistleclaw's Pizza Shack of Evil?"

"I sure do," Nightcloud replied. "Let's see if you can win again!"

"Blackstar shouldn't even try," Berrynose muttered. "We all know who's going to win- me!"

The host stared at the cream-colored tom, adoration brimming in her green eyes. "I sure hope so, Berry-boy. Let's start the questions! The first one is: Who is your favorite StarClan cat?"

"Hm…" Stonefur meowed. "My mother, Bluestar, obviously. She was a wonderful leader."

Blackstar answered next. "I think Spottedleaf is the best StarClan cat. She's so pretty!"

"Blackstar, the only pretty cat you're allowed to think about is me!" Nightcloud hissed.

"What do you expect from the cat who killed me?" Stonefur growled. "He can't choose any decent StarClan cat."

"Watch it, you!" the ShadowClan leader spat.

Nightcloud's eyes widened with horror as she realized these two toms might start a fight. "Berrynose, what's your answer?"

"Isn't it obvious?" the tom asked. "Honeyfern!"

The host nodded. "That's the best answer! You really loved her, didn't you, Berrynose?"

"With all my heart!"

Leafpool made a tally mark by Berrynose's name. "That's a point for the most arrogant, conceited cat in ThunderClan!"

"I'm not conceited! I'm just the most amazing, charming, intelligent, brilliant, adorable, strong, charismatic, loyal, darling, brave, courageous cat in the whole world!" Berrynose argued.

Nightcloud nodded, agreeing with the tom. "Question two: How likely are you to get into StarClan?"

"Like there's any chance I'd go to the Dark Forest!" Berrynose meowed. "I mean seriously! I'm awesome!"

Blackstar answered next. "I'd say I'm pretty likely to end up in StarClan. I'm a good leader."

"Who killed me!" Stonefur spat. "You're going to the Dark Forest!"

"I am not!"

"Are too!"

"Be quiet!" Nightcloud yowled. "Stonefur, just answer the question."

"Well, I'm in StarClan, so…"

The host nodded. "I guess that's a point for all three of them, then."

The scorekeeper drew tally marks by each name. "Two points for Berrynose, one point for Blackstar, and one point for Stonefur!"

Nightcloud read the next notecard. "What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?"

Stonefur pondered the question for a moment. "I'd say cookie dough. That's the best ice cream."

"No real warrior eats cookie dough ice cream," Blackstar informed the RiverClan tom.

"No real warrior kills another warrior who did nothing wrong!" Stonefur growled, unsheathing his claws.

Blackstar continued. "My favorite ice cream flavor is frog. Everyone in ShadowClan loves frog-flavored ice cream."

"That…is disgusting," Nightcloud meowed.

Berrynose nodded. "My favorite flavor is mouse and oreo. The meat of the mouse really compliments the chocolate taste of oreos."

"Correct!" the host meowed. "That's my favorite flavor of ice cream, though I also would have accepted Banana Bunny as the right answer."

"That's three points for Berrynose, one point for Blackstar, and one point for Stonefur!"

Stonefur sat stiffly in his chair, glaring at the ShadowClan leader. "Why do I have to be tied with that _monster_?"

"That was a long time ago! Let it go already!" Blackstar howled.

"You want me to just forget that you killed me?" Stonefur asked in disbelief.

The white tom nodded. "Yes! Why is that so hard to understand?"

Stonefur narrowed his eyes. "You. Are. The. Biggest. Meanie. Ever." He leaped at the ShadowClan leader, knocking him and his chair backwards. The toms hissed and screeched madly at each other while rolling around the stage, locked in battle.

"Brokenstar, we need you!" Nightcloud called her security guard.

The ragged tabby tom padded up to the fighting contestants. "If you don't stop right now you're both disqualified."

"I will never stop until I kill the tom who killed me!" Stonefur screeched.

"DISQUALIFIED!" Brokenstar shrieked, whacking both Stonefur and Blackstar with a large pumpkin until they were both unconscious.

Nightcloud stared at the unmoving contestants with shock glowing in her green eyes. "Well…I guess there's only one cat left. This winner is Berrynose!"

The cream-colored tom threw his paws up in the air. "Yes! I get to go on a cruise with Nightcloud!"

Suddenly a tortoiseshell she-cat stormed up onto the stage. "No you will not!" she spat. "You are coming home with me right now, Mister!"

The joy suddenly died in Berrynose's eyes. "I'm sorry, Poppyfrost."

The queen then turned to face Nightcloud. "Leave my mate alone, or I will kill you once and for all!"

Nightcloud just smiled at Poppyfrost sweetly. "Sorry, Hon, but you'll have to go through Brokenstar first."

Tansy just shook her head, glad that at least Nightcloud and Leafpool were friends now. "That's all for today! Tune in next time to see what random item Brokenstar will whack somebody with next!"


	5. Hawkfrost, Lionheart, Tallstar

_Episode 5: Hawkfrost, Lionheart, Tallstar_

Two half-grown cats tumbled around stage in a mock battle. The two cats were almost identical- both had long black fur, white chests, and amber eyes. The only way to tell them apart was one had a white front left paw, while the other did not. The audience watched the two cats, confused as to who they were and why they were on stage. Tansy just sat behind the camera and did nothing to stop them from playing on the stage.

Leafpool padded out to introduce the show, and was nearly knocked over by the tussle. "Tansy, do your kits have to play on the stage right now?"

The director sighed. "I guess not. Star! Mallow! Come and sit down here by me!"

The two small she-cats immediately stopped their fight and climbed off of the stage, taking a seat beside their mother.

Leafpool sighed, watching the young she-cats. "Well, I'm sure you're all wondering who those two are. Star and Mallow are Tansy's daughters, and she's brought them with today because she decided there should be a 'Take Your Kits to Work Day'. Too bad Nightcloud and I only have grown-up kits. They all refused to come. Anyway, it's time to play Win a Date with Nightcloud! Let's welcome everyone's favorite host- Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat padded onto the stage. "Oh, Tansy, Star and Mallow look so grown up! They're big kits now!" she gushed.

"Thank you, Nightcloud," the camera-cat meowed happily, pride showing in her green eyes.

"At least your kits love you," Leafpool muttered. "And now for our contestants on today's game- Hawkfrost, Lionheart, and Tallstar!"

The three toms padded out onto the stage, Hawkfrost flashing the audience a brilliant smile. The guests sat down on the three green chairs, ready to answer some questions.

"It is most wonderful to be here today," Lionheart meowed pleasantly.

"Yes, thank you for telling us we had to be on the show," Tallstar added.

"I'm ruggedly handsome," Hawkfrost meowed.

Leafpool stared at the strong-looking tom with silky, shiny tabby fur. "You sure are…oh, did I say that out loud?" She paused, glancing nervously at the crowd, hoping they hadn't heard her.  
"Today these three toms are playing for a great prize- taking Nightcloud to Cloudtail and Mothwing's Planetarium of No Stars, a _We Don't Believe in StarClan _company."

"Now for the first question," Nightcloud meowed, holding up a pink notecard.

"Oh, can I read it?" one of Tansy's kits- the one with the front left white paw- asked. "Pleasey?"

The host gave the kit an encouraging nod. "Sure, Star. Come on up here."

Star hurried up onto the stage. She took the notecard from Nightcloud's paws and read it slowly. "Question 1: What is your favorite…um…what's that word, Nightcloud?"

"Constellation."

"Oh. What's your favorite constellation?"

Tallstar thought for a moment. "I like Leo. It is a lion- a type of cat, after all."

"Same here," Lionheart said. "Leo's a lion, I'm Lionheart. Get it?"

Hawkfrost answered next. "I like that one constellation that looks like a large dipper or something. What's that one called again?"

"…The Big Dipper?" Nightcloud meowed. "Lionheart and Tallstar are correct!"

Leafpool nodded and made tally marks by their names. "One point for Lionheart, one point for Tallstar, and zero points for the tom that once called Nightcloud a 'fixer-upper' and a 'charity-case'."

"I knew that would come back to bite me someday," Hawkfrost muttered.

Tansy's other kit interrupted the show. "May I please read the next question?" she asked sweetly.

"Of course!" Nightcloud meowed.

"Yay!" Mallow squeaked. She climbed up on the stage and padded over to Nightcloud. The small she-cat studied the notecard for a moment before reading it out loud. "Question two: If there was an unused road in front of you and a well-trodden road in front of you, which one would you take?"

"I would choose the one less traveled," Tallstar meowed. "Adventure is one of the finest things in life."

Lionheart nodded. "I would, too. Exploration is a wonderful way to learn about the world in which we live."

"And who would want to be just like every other cat?" Hawkfrost added. "I'd take the unused road just to be different."

Nightcloud nodded. "All three of you are correct. Besides, I'm pretty sure Hollyleaf is the only one who'd actually take the well-trodden road."

Leafpool snorted as she made the tally marks. "My daughter follows the rules. She's a good cat."

"Just tell us what the scores are," the host sighed.

"Two points for Lionheart, two points for Tallstar, and one point for Hawkfrost."

Nightcloud studied the board. "We have a two-way tie. Let's see if we can change that."

"Can I please read the next card?" Star asked, giving Nightcloud her sweetest look.

The host handed the kit the notecard and listened while Star read it. "Question three: How many kits do you want?"

"10 billion," Hawkfrost meowed instantly. "And I want them all to look like me. We'll be the handsomest cats in the whole world."

"That's way too many," Nightcloud said, her eyes wide with horror.

Tallstar answered next. "I wouldn't mind having a litter or two. I think a total of six kits would be nice- and an even number of toms and she-cats so no one's left out."

"And I'd like either four or six kits, also an even number of toms and she-cats. Every kit should have a friend in the litter," Lionheart added.

"I like just two kits!" Star said. "Just me and my sister are enough for Mama!"

"Yeah!" Mallow added. "Mama only wants us cuz we're the best kits ever!"

Nightcloud laughed. "Aren't they just darling? Anyway, Lionheart and Tallstar get the points!"

Leafpool updated the score on her whiteboard. "That makes three points for Lionheart, three points for Tallstar, and one point for Hawkfrost!"

"We need a tie breaker!" the host meowed. "I have the perfect question for that. Here, Mallow, you can read the last question."

The kit took the pink notecard. "On a scale of one to ten, how attractive is Nightcloud?"

"Ten, but an insane, bat-brained, deranged, psychotic ten," Hawkfrost meowed. "She's attractive, but only an equally insane tom would actually like her."

"Hawkfrost, that is no way to talk about a lady," Tallstar meowed. "I give her an eight."

Lionheart shook his head. "No, she's definitely a ten, and NOT a psychotic one- you got that, Hawkfrost?"

"Whatever," the tabby tom hissed. "I wasn't going to date her anyway. I won't make that mistake twice."

"Brokenstar, please whack this tom into oblivion!" Nightcloud called.

The security guard padded onto the stage and violently whacked Hawkfrost with a baby doll, knocking him unconscious.

"So we've got Lionheart with four points, Tallstar with three points, and Hawkfrost with one!" Leafpool meowed.

"Yes!" The golden ThunderClan warrior cheered. "I've always wanted to take a pretty she-cat to the planetarium!"

Tansy smiled and turned the camera toward her. "I like this show so much better than The Yellowfang and Nightcloud Show. We've made it through five episodes and I haven't had one headache! Anyway, don't change the channel! We'll be doing another segment of 'Doing Stuff to Toms While Their Unconscious!' I wonder that we'll do to Hawkfrost…"

Star and Mallow bounced up and down excitedly. "We're going to dress him up like a princess!"


	6. Scourge, Lionheart, Tigerstar

_Episode 6: Scourge, Lionheart, Tigerstar_

"Welcome to ClanTV's highest rated game show!" Leafpool meowed cheerfully. "Who all enjoyed the last episode? I know I did! So, do you all want to know what happened to Hawkfrost during 'Doing Stuff to Toms While Their Unconscious?' Of course you do. Star and Mallow put him in a yellow princess dress, like Belle's from _Beauty and the Beast_. Then they threw pink and purple paint on him, so the poor tom was quite colorful. He looked lovely, and I'm certain he gained more fangirls than he already had. Now onto today's show- here's your host! Give it up for Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat padded onto the stage. "Hawkfrost won't be calling me a 'charity case' again anytime soon!" she meowed. "He does make a very pretty princess, though."

"That he does, that he does," the tabby-and-white announcer agreed.

"So, Leafpool, who are our contestants today?"

Leafpool glanced at the pink notecard she was holding. "Today we've got Scourge, Tigerstar, and Lionheart on the show! Oh dear…Scourge _and _Tigerstar? I hope Brokenstar's prepared to deal with these two."

Lionheart, Tigerstar, and Scourge padded to the center of the stage. The golden tabby tom wisely took the middle green chair, knowing Tigerstar and Scourge should not sit next to each other.

Nightcloud smiled sweetly at her contestants. "Lionheart, it's nice to see you again. Wasn't the planetarium wonderful?"

"Very lovely indeed," the ThunderClan tom agreed.

"I really, really hate Scourge," Tigerstar spat.

Scourge glared at the dark brown tabby tom. "Just shut up about it. You were mean to me first!"

"Scourgy-wurgy, please be a nice little boy today," Nightcloud meowed pleasantly.

The tom narrowed his eyes, clearly displeased to be called 'Scourgy-wurgy', but he said nothing.

The black host shuffled her stack of pink notecards. "I do believe it's time to play Win a Date with Nightcloud! Leafpool, tell our contestants what they're playing for!"

"Today, you'll be playing for a fantastic prize- taking Nightcloud to the Warriors toms' basketball championship game- the WindClan Rabbits versus the ShadowClan Lizards! This is brought to you by Kitty-Cola, the refreshing soft drink. Don't drink responsibly."

"I love basketball," Nightcloud sighed happily. "But now for the competition…let me read the first question: Who is your favorite StarClan cat?"

Lionheart thought for a moment. "Probably Bluestar, or maybe Spottedleaf. Both are very kind and smart cats. They keep the peace in StarClan whenever an argument breaks out."

"I hate StarClan!" Tigerstar hissed. "They all sent me to the Dark Forest! I'm not evil- they are!"

"I don't believe in StarClan, so I cannot answer the question," Scourge replied.

Nightcloud shook her head. "You have to answer the question."

"But I don't know any StarClan cats!"

"Just say some random name!" the host meowed.

The tiny tom shrugged. "Fine. I'll say my favorite StarClan cat is…um…Stargleam. That's a name, right?"

Nightcloud's eyes widened. "That's a name, but not one welcome on this show! Lionheart wins this round!"

Leafpool nodded, drawing a tally mark by the golden tom's name. "One point for Lionheart!"

"Question two: What's your idea of a perfect date?" the host asked.

Lionheart again answered first. "I think the perfect date would be going to Snowfur's Fish House for some delicious lobster, and then going to Moonflower's Flower Shoppe to buy a lovely bouquet of roses for the she-cat."

"Aw…that sounds so sweet," Nightcloud sighed dreamily.

Tigerstar answered next. "I'd tell the she-cat I'm going to take over the forest, and then she'd help me and we'd destroy the world together!"

"Hey, you stole my answer!" Scourge hissed. "Just like you stole my childhood!"

"I stole your childhood? You stole my life!" the tabby tom snarled back.

The tiny villain dug his claws into the fabric of his chair. "You're a monster. I have more fangirls than you do, so I can date anyone I want and they'll love me!"

"I have more fangirls!" Tigerstar spat. "Because I'm better than you!"

Brokenstar sighed loudly from his place on the side of the stage. "No arguing about which villain has the most fangirls! I'll win that argument every time!"

"You don't have any fangirls!" Scourge hissed.

"Maybe not, but I _do _have a collection of random items that I can whack you with, so I win!" the security guard growled.

Nightcloud glared at the ragged tom. "You just stay quiet until a fight breaks out," she ordered. Turning to Leafpool, she added, "Give another point to Lionheart."

"That makes two points for Lionheart, zero points for Tigerstar and Scourge," the scorekeeper mewed.

The host read the next notecard. "Question three: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?"

Scourge replied first this time. "I already changed my name once, but if I changed it again, it would be Lilyblossom, Lord of Evil and Destroyer of Happiness."

"That's so cute!" Nightcloud gushed. "If I ever have a daughter, I'd so name her Lilykit."

Tigerstar rolled his eyes. "Makes sense the little guy would like a girly name. Mine would be Mr. Evil Guy of Awesomeness and Evil."

"You villains and your weird names," Lionheart meowed, shaking his head. "I'd change my name to King Handsome the Lionheart."

Nightcloud laughed loudly at Lionheart's idea of a name-change. "So you'd keep your name, but add to it? That is a good name, though. All three are, actually. Everyone wins this round- but give Scourgy-wurgy an extra point for having such an adorable name!"

The tabby-and-white scorekeeper stared at the host for a moment, wondering if she was serious. "Okay then…that makes three points for Lionheart, two points for Scourge, and one point for Tigerstar!"

"Hah! I have a better score than Tigerstar!" Scourge cheered, laughing in the larger tom's face.

"Watch it, you!" Tigerstar threatened. "You may have killed me once, but you won't be able to kill me again! I'll rip you to shreds."

"Not while the camera's on," Tansy mewed from in front of the stage. "Brokenstar's the only one allowed to tear the innocence away from kits during the show."

Nightcloud nodded. "Yeah. We only need one cat scarring apprentices and kits for life."

Lionheart decided to get the show back on track. "So what's the final question?"

"Oh, right! The question…" Nightcloud meowed, still watching Tigerstar and Scourge warily. "Question four: What's your favorite TV show?"

"Does this one count?" Lionheart asked. "If not, then definitely The Yellowfang and Nightcloud Show."

The host smiled. "Wonderful response, Lionheart."

"My favorite show is Most Evil," Tigerstar cackled, a crazy gleam in his amber eyes. "I love evil!"

Scourge looked a little bit embarrassed. "Well, I know I should say I love some show about murder or something like that, but to be honest, I still love watching shows for apprentices and kits like 'Sam and Cat', 'Blue's Clues', and 'Sesame Street.'"

"OMG," Nightcloud gasped. "We have the same favorite shows, Scourge! How great is that?"

Lionheart sighed. "Shouldn't the correct answer be one of the shows you're on?"

"Yeah…probably," the host meowed, thinking. "I guess you should get a point. Scourge gets one million points, though!"

Leafpool's eyes widened. "Okay, I'm _not_ making a million tally marks! There isn't enough room on this whiteboard. The final scores are: four points for Lionheart, one point for Tigerstar, and one million and two points for Scourge!"

The tiny tom leaped out of his chair. "Yes! I won!"

"You little piece of crowfood!" Tigerstar snarled at Scourge. "I should have won! This game is rigged! I demand a recount!"

"Get out of here, Tigerstar," Tansy ordered. "No poor sports allowed on stage."

"I am not a poor sport! This game isn't fair! I'm calling my lawyer!"

The camera-cat sighed. "Brokenstar, we need you!"

The ragged tom padded to the center of the stage, where Scourge was jumping up and down like a kit and Tigerstar was hurriedly dialing his phone. Brokenstar knocked the pale pink phone out of the loser's paws and whacked him with a cardboard cut-out of a walrus.

"Ow!" Tigerstar grumbled, rubbing his head. "Why do you even have that thing?"

"That's what we all want to know," Tansy meowed, hovering her paw over the power button on her camera. "Brokenstar's pretty weird."


	7. Crookedstar, Rowanclaw, Graystripe

_Episode 7: Crookedstar, Rowanclaw, Graystripe_

A tabby-and-white she-cat twirled around the stage wearing a pink tutu that looked identical to the one Nightcloud owned. "Welcome to Win a Date with Nightcloud! I'm everyone's favorite announcer and Nightcloud's best friend, Leafpool! On today's episode of our lovely game show, three toms will compete to win a date with the host, at least tom will get upset by the results, and Brokenstar will whack someone with a random object! Now let's welcome the beautiful, intelligent, amazing host- Nightcloud!"

A black she-cat hurriedly padded onto the stage. "I never said you were my best friend," she growled, sitting down on her red plush chair.

"Oh, you know I am!" Leafpool meowed, still twirling around.

"And are you the one who stole my tutu?" Nightcloud asked, staring at the announcer. "I knew someone snatched my pretty pink tutu from my dressing room!"

The tabby-and-white she-cat stopped twirling. "You can't prove anything," she muttered quickly.

"Give it back to her, Leafpool," Tansy meowed. "And stay out of Nightcloud's dressing room!"

"But it's not fair! Why does she get a dressing room and I don't?"

Nightcloud heaved a heavy sigh. "Because I'm the star of this show and you're not! Now give me my tutu!"

Leafpool glared at the host, yanking the tutu off. "Fine. You can have it. It's too big for me anyway."

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

"Um…so the contestants today are Crookedstar, Rowanclaw, and Graystripe!" the announcer meowed hurriedly, rushing to stand behind her whiteboard before Nightcloud got too mad. "Today they'll be playing for the grand prize- taking Nightcloud to the ThunderClan Symphony Orchestra for their performance of Beethoven's greatest pieces- brought to you by Ferncloud's Music School for Talented Kits."

The three toms padded onto the stage. All three of them shook their head disapprovingly at Leafpool as they took their seats.

"Never talk about a she-cat's weight!" Graystripe told her. "I did that with Millie once. Never again…"

Nightcloud snorted. "I am not fat! I only weigh eleven pounds!"

Crookedstar laid a reassuring paw on the host's shoulder. "That's a perfect weight. Don't listen to your scorekeeper."

The she-cat gave the RiverClan leader a thankful look. "You're so kind, Crookedstar," she meowed. "Now it's time to play Win a Date with Nightcloud! The first question is: If StarClan ordered you to kill me, would you do it?"

Graystripe answered first. "If WindClan were attacking ThunderClan and Millie or my kits were in trouble, then yes I would!"

Rowanclaw answered next. "Same here. If my Tawny-love or babies were in danger because of you, I'd tear you to pieces!"

"Boys, boys, boys," Crookedstar sighed. "Do you not understand how this show works? You're supposed to tell Nightcloud what she wants to hear. I would never kill such a lovely she-cat."

"Thank you, Crookedstar," Nightcloud meowed, glaring at the other toms. "You two better just forget about Millie and Tawnypelt while you're on my show! Graystripe- forget Silverstream, too!"

"I'll never forget the love of my life!" the gray tom hissed.

The black she-cat snorted. "I think I'll tell Millie you said that," she meowed. "Only Crookedstar gets a point!"

Leafpool nodded, making a tally mark next to the tom's name with a pink marker. "One point for Crookedstar, no points for Rowanclaw or Graystripe!"

"Excellent," the host meowed. She read the next notecard. "Question two: What's your favorite color?"

"Silver!" Graystripe answered immediately. "Just like my darling Silverstream!"

"I am _so_ calling Millie after this show," Nightcloud mewed to herself, staring at the tom.

Rowanclaw answered next. "My favorite color is red!"

The RiverClan leader shook his head slowly. "You two still don't get this show, do you? My favorite color is black, Nightcloud."

"That's another point for Crookedstar!" the _black_ host announced.

The scorekeeper nodded. "That makes it two points for Crookedstar, still no points for Rowanclaw or Graystripe!"

"Question three: What is your worst memory?"

The RiverClan leader sighed. "You mean I can only pick one? How can I choose…I guess maybe losing Willowbreeze and two of my daughters at the same time?" He stared up at the ceiling and threw his paws into the air. "Why, cruel world, why?"

"My worst memory is watching Silverstream die!" Graystripe meowed.

Rowanclaw was the last to answer. "Mine is seeing Flametail's body after it was pulled out of the water. My poor little boy…"

"You all have good answers," Nightcloud meowed, wiping a tear from her eye. "Everyone gets a point!"

"So Crookedstar has three points, Graystripe has one point, and Rowanclaw has one point!" Leafpool meowed.

Suddenly a loud cry sounded from the back of the auditorium. A gray tabby she-cat stormed up onto the stage, planting herself in front of Graystripe. "You little badger! What do you think you are doing, competing on a show to win a date? Trying to make me jealous, are you? And talking about Silverstream again! I swear, you are the worst mate in the entire world. I want a divorce!"

"Millie, get off of the stage," Tansy ordered from behind her camera.

"Don't you tell me what to do!" the she-cat snarled at the director. "This _jerk_ is a no good, dirty rotten, worthless piece of foxdung!"

Tansy glared at the angry intruder. "Brokenstar, deal with this!"

The large tabby tom strolled lazily onto the stage. "You've made a big mistake interrupting this show, Girly," he meowed to Millie, whacking her with a toy dinosaur.

The gray she-cat glared at the security guard. "You DO NOT hit a lady!"

"You DO NOT interrupt Nightcloud's show!" he replied, hitting her again with the dinosaur. He continued hitting her until she ran off of the stage and out of the auditorium. Having too much fun with his dinosaur, Brokenstar chased after her.

Nightcloud sat in her chair in shock. "So…um…what's the final score?"

Leafpool check her whiteboard. "Crookedstar has three points, while Rowanclaw and Graystripe both have one."

"It's probably a good thing I didn't win," Graystripe muttered. "I'm in enough trouble already."

Tansy laughed loudly as she shut off her camera. "This is why I love forcing toms to be on the show instead of letting them choose to be on. What she-cat will be angered by the show next? Tune in next time to find out!"


	8. Ashfur, Firestar, Bone

_Episode 8: Ashfur, Firestar, Bone_

"It's that time again! Time for yet another round of Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool announced. "What will happen on this fabulous installment of the ever-so-popular game show? Who knows! Now let's hear it for the host- the brilliant Nightcloud!"

"Thank you for that introduction," the black she-cat meowed as she padded onto the stage. "And who are the contestants today?"

The announcer studied her pink notecard for a heartbeat. "Uh-oh."

"What?"

Leafpool glanced down at the camera-cat nervously. "Today's contestants are Firestar, Bone, and…Ashfur."

Tansy leaped to her paws. "WHAT?" she howled. "Which one of you picked him to be on the show?"

A ragged-looking tom sitting on the show began laughing hysterically. "It was me! I chose your boyfriend to compete!"

"Brokenstar!" Tansy cried. "I'll get you for this!"

Nightcloud settled down on her plush red chair. "Maybe we should have Tansy review our choices of contestants _before _they appear on the show."

"Ya think?!" the director growled.

The tabby-and-white announcer stifled her own laugh. "Anyway, today the toms are playing for yet another wonderful prize- taking Nightcloud the Dark Forest Museum of Evil History, brought to you by _Place of No Stars Inc._"

The three toms padded onto the stage. Firestar took the green chair closest to Nightcloud, while Bone, who was wearing an 'I Hate Clan Cats' t-shirt, took the middle chair.

Ashfur glanced down at Tansy. "Sorry, Sweetheart. I was told if I refused to be on the show that I would die a very painful, very random death."

"You better lose, Buddy," the director huffed.

Nightcloud giggled at her camera-cat's unhappiness. "Let's start the game now. The first question is: If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?"

Firestar thought for a moment. "Have more kits. Sandstorm and I always wanted a son. Our daughters didn't turn out so well."

"Dad!" Leafpool cried from beside her whiteboard.

"Sorry, Honey, but taking a mate from WindClan, never telling him you were pregnant, dumping the kits on your sister, making my poor deputy think he was a father, causing Hollyleaf to go insane, and just being completely selfish and irresponsible is unforgivable," the ThunderClan leader meowed.

The scorekeeper glared at her father. "See? This is why Crowfeather and I are back together again! He's the only one who still loves me!"

Nightcloud rolled her eyes. "Keep your personal problems off my stage, Leafpool. Tansy doesn't like it when we talk about our problems."

Bone answered next. "I'd kill Firestar for killing Scourge! Then I'd kill all those apprentices that killed me!"

"Hey!" the ginger tom cried. "I don't want you to kill me! Killing is never the answer, unless we're talking about punishments for Tigerstar!"

Ashfur was the last to respond to the question. "I would take my lovely girlfriend to either Olive Garden or Taco Bell, since those are her favorite places to eat, and then I'd watch princess movies with her daughters."

"You _can _do that, Ashfur!" Tansy gushed.

"Quiet, Girly," Nightcloud meowed. "I'm trying to run a game show here. I think the winner of this round is pretty obvious, though. Ashfur gave the best response! What a lovely tom…"

Leafpool drew a tally mark next to Ashfur's name. "One point for Ashfur, no points for Bone or my jerk of a father!"

"Leafy, you apologize right now!" Firestar ordered.

"No!" she spat back at him.

The host read the next notecard. "Question two: Do you like hashtags?"

"#ohyes #imsuchahipleader" Firestar meowed.

Bone glared at the ginger tom. "What a fool! Hashtags are only for she-cat apprentices! No one with any brain cells would use hashtags!"

"I like hashtags," Ashfur said. "I think they're fun."

"That's a point for Firestar and a point for Ashfur!" Nightcloud announced. "#arenthashtagsterrific"

Tansy heaved a heavy sigh. "Please don't tell me we're doing that again…"

The scorekeeper updated her whiteboard. "So far Ashfur has two points, Firestar has one point, and Bone has zero points."

"We're half way through!" Nightcloud mewed, studying her pink notecards. "Question three: What's your favorite game?"

"Killing Kittypets for the Nintendo DS," Bone answered immediately. "I do so like murder."

Firestar gave the large tom a stern look. "Now Bone, we must good and moral cats."

"I'd rather not be good _or_ moral," the villain hissed.

The ThunderClan cat shrugged. "Well, my favorite game is Pretty Pretty Princess. I guess that's what happens when you only have daughters. Should have had a son…"

"My favorite game is Jeopardy for Wii!" Ashfur announced.

Tansy clapped her paws. "Ashykins, that's my favorite game! You're the best boyfriend ever!"

Nightcloud thought about the answers she received. "I do like Jeopardy. Since I'm insanely smart, I always win. Give Ashfur a point!"

"Ashfur now has three points, Firestar has one, and Bone still has zero," Leafpool meowed, doodling a butterfly on the whiteboard with her pink marker.

Tansy folded her paws across her chest. "Ashy, I told you to lose!" she growled.

"Darling, I can't help it if Nightcloud likes my answers," he mewed helplessly.

"You could try to be a worse boyfriend- at least for the show," the camera-cat said.

The host interrupted the quarreling couple. "Let's get this last question out of the way! Question four: If the world was ending, what would be the first thing you do?"

"Commit tons of murders!" Bone cried. "And get away with it!"

"Bone, start being a moral cat!" Firestar scolded. "I would tell Sandstorm I loved her and that once we're in StarClan I'll try not to make her jealous with that huge crush I have on Leopardstar."

Ashfur gave the ginger leader a strange look. "What is your deal with Leopardstar? You barely knew her! Anyway, if the world was ending, the first thing I would do is tell Squirrelflight I still hate her! I only ever loved Tansy!"

Nightcloud looked as if she weren't sure whose answer she liked the best. "Well…I think I'd have to give another point to Ashfur. At least his answer didn't scare or shock me."

"That means Ashfur has four points, Firestar has one point, and Bone belongs in prison!" Leafpool announced, still working on her butterfly.

"Oh no, I won!" the gray tom cried, looking horrified.

Tansy set her camera down. "You little weasel! How dare you win Nightcloud's game show!"

Ashfur's blue eyes were wide with fright. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!"

"Brokenstar, get out here and beat up my boyfriend!" the director howled.

The brown tabby tom padded up to Ashfur and whacked him with a sack of flour, knocking him unconscious.

Tansy climbed up on stage. "Oh goody! We can do another segment of 'Doing Stuff to Toms While Their Unconscious'!"

Brokenstar hurriedly grabbed the she-cat's camera and looked into the lens. "I'm going to end the show now, folks. Whatever happens next won't be pretty!"


	9. Blackstar, Darkstripe, Patchpelt

_Episode 9: Blackstar, Darkstripe, Patchpelt_

A tabby-and-white she-cat sat in a green chair on stage happily drinking a bottle of chocolate milk. "Welcome to the most popular game show on air- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" she meowed. "I'm guessing you're all dying to know what happened to Ashfur after the last episode ended. Well, I'll tell you. On the latest segment of 'Doing Stuff to Toms While Their Unconscious', Tansy spray-painted her boyfriend neon green, put an orange wig on him, stuffed him in a pot of fake gold, and took a picture to put on PawBook with the caption 'World's Dumbest Leprechaun'. Isn't that charming? Now let's bring out our host- the smart, caring, perfect Nightcloud!"

Nightcloud padded onto the stage. "I'm ready for another date! I love doing this show so much. I get to meet a lot of cute toms, go to amazing places and not have to pay, watch Brokenstar whack cats with- wait, what are you drinking?"

"Chocolate milk," Leafpool mewed, slurping her drink.

"Why?

"Because I can."

The black she-cat nodded, as if that answer was completely reasonable. "Alrighty then. Who are our hostages- I mean contestants- today?"

Leafpool set her milk down and read the names off a pink notecard. "Blackstar, Darkstripe, and…Patchpelt? Isn't he a little old to be on a game show? Does he even know what television is?"

The three toms padded onto the stage. Darkstripe rudely grabbed the announcer and yanked her off of the chair she was sitting in, causing her chocolate milk to spill over them both.

"Ah! Darkstripe, my fur is dry-clean only!" Leafpool cried, wiping the milk away. "You've stained my pelt!"

Patchpelt hobbled over to the chair closest to Nightcloud's. Staring curiously at Tansy's camera, he asked, "What's that thing?"

"A camera," the director informed him. "It's so cats in their dens can watch the show."

"Huh? I don't get it," the black-and-white tom mewed.

Tansy shrugged. "Don't worry about it."

Nightcloud stared at her director. "Really? Does he really have to be a contestant? He's too old to date me!"

"It's just for fun, Nightcloud," Tansy reminded her.

"So do you want to know what the toms are playing for today?" Leafpool asked. "It's for a brilliant prize- taking Nightcloud to see a Taylor Swift concert!"

Patchpelt looked even more confused. "What is a Taylor Swift? Is that a bird?"

"It's a twoleg who sings," Nightcloud explained. "Now let's start the game! The first question is: Who is the best she-cat who ever lived?"

"That's easy," Darkstripe growled. "Mapleshade! She's the only female villain!"

Blackstar thought for a moment. "This is the third time I've been on this show, and the questions keep getting weirder," he meowed. "But the answer to this question is Russetfur, of course."

Patchpelt answered next. "I think my sister, Leopardfoot, is pretty great."

"Hm…you've given me some good answers," Nightcloud said, "except for Mapleshade. She ain't even close to being the best she-cat. I'll give both Patchpelt and Blackstar a point."

The tabby-and-white scorekeeper stopped doodling a flower on her whiteboard to draw tally marks by the toms' names. "That makes one point for Blackstar, one point for Patchpelt, and zero points for Darkstripe!"

The host read the next notecard. "Question two: Do you like waffles?"

"Heck yeah!" Blackstar cheered. "Everyone likes waffles, except for Firestar, but he's a loser so he doesn't count. I like waffles with Nutella!"

Patchpelt answered next. "I do so enjoy waffles in the morning with some warm maple syrup."

"Well I hate waffles!" Darkstripe hissed. "That's a breakfast for pansies, not tough guys like me!"

"You're a loser, Darkstripe," Nightcloud muttered. "Points for Blackstar and Patchpelt!"

Leafpool nodded. "So we've got two points for Blackstar, two points for Patchpelt, and still nothing for Darkstripe!"

The host studied the board. "I really hope Patchpelt loses," she mumbled. "Question three: What's your favorite social networking site?"

Darkstripe answered first. "I like PawBook. It allows for the best connections with my other Dark Forest buddies."

"I like Twitter the best," Blackstar meowed. "140 characters is all I need to express my love for my secret mate."

"If all you do is post about how much you love Russetfur, it ain't exactly a secret," Nightcloud informed him.

"What's PawBook? What's Twitter? What's social networking?" Patchpelt asked, looking more confused than ever.

The host just shook her head. "Never mind that. Leafy, give Blackstar a point!"

'Leafy' drew another tally mark next to the ShadowClan leader's name. "We've got three points for Blackstar, two points for Patchpelt, and zero points for Darkstripe!"

Nightcloud smiled, knowing there was no way Patchpelt could win now. "Question four: What living cat would you like to send to the Dark Forest?"

"Brackenfur, for being a goody-two-shoes!" Darkstripe hissed. "What a pansy! He shouldn't even be considered a warrior. Did you know he lets his daughters paint his claws pink?"

"I would like to see Crowfeather go to the Dark Forest," Patchpelt meowed. "He is so rude and doesn't care about his children! What a horrible guy!"

Leafpool ran over to the elderly tom and hit him with her pink marker. "Don't you say that about my Crowykins!"

"Alright, Leafpool, calm down," Tansy meowed. "Just go back to your whiteboard and finish your flower."

Nightcloud gave Patchpelt an approving look. "I think your answer was wonderful. He truly is a bad cat!"

Blackstar hesitated before answering. "I think I would send…Breezepelt. He's a traitor and fought alongside the Dark Forest. He's evil!"

"He is not!" Nightcloud screeched, leaping at the ShadowClan leader. "You take that back! My baby is perfect!"

"Brokenstar, get out here!" Tansy shrieked. "Nightcloud's attacking Blackstar!"

The ragged tom sighed heavily and padded toward the angry host. "Nightcloud, dear, you promised you wouldn't attack anyone for insulting your son."

"MY BABY IS PERFECT!" she yowled. "KILL THIS BADGER!"

"Fine," Brokenstar sighed. He whacked Blackstar with a video tape, causing the white tom to fall to the ground. The security guard then grabbed him by his scruff and dragged him back stage to do who-knows-what.

Leafpool studied her whiteboard. "I think the final score is going to be zero points for Darkstripe, three points for Blackstar, and three points for Patchpelt, who wins simply because Blackstar is…_busy_ at the moment."

"What?" Nightcloud gasped. "No! He's ancient!"

Patchpelt continued to be confused. "What's television? Can't a guy get some prune juice? What's PawBook? My arthritis is acting up!"

"Poor Nightcloud," Tansy murmured, ready to shut off her camera. "It's going to be a loooong night for her."


	10. Firestar, Scourge, Socks

_Episode 10: Firestar, Scourge, Socks_

"Welcome to everybody's favorite game show- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool mewed, staring out into the larger-than-ever audience. "We have another excellent episode for all of you, but first we need to bring out our host! Let's hear it for the amazingly talented, amazingly beautiful, amazingly super Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat padded happily onto the stage, flashing the audience a confident smile. "It's so lovely being as awesome as I am!"

"So, Nighty, are you ready for our little show today?"

"When am I not ready?" Nightcloud asked. "Wait…Patchpelt's not a contestant again, is he? If he is, then I'm definitely _not_ ready for today's game!"

Leafpool laughed. "Then I've got good news for you- no Patchpelt today. Instead we have three brothers- Firestar, Scourge, and Socks!"

The three toms padded slowly onto the stage, glaring at each other. Silently they took their seats, looking as if they'd rather be anywhere else.

Nightcloud waited for the toms to say something, but none of them did. Shrugging, she turned to her announcer. "Tell our…um…_angry _contestants what they'll be playing for today."

"Today's prize is taking Nightcloud to Mosskit's Bouncy Castle of Happiness and Joy, brought to you by _I'm a Little Happy Kit_ _Inc._," Leafpool meowed.

Still, none of the contestants said anything. Socks stuck his tongue out at Scourge, though.

The host, putting on a sweet smile, turned to face the grumpy boys. "Let's get this show on the road! It looks like these guys need a little bit of happiness in their lives. I'm sure competing for a date with me will cheer them up! Question one: Why are you lesser to my supremely-awesomely-brilliantly- 20% cooler- than- you self?"

Firestar turned his sharp green glare to the host. "You wrote that question, didn't you? It's not good to be conceited. StarClan will be very disappointed in you."

"Just answer the dang question, you good-for-nothing devil brother!" Scourge spat.

"Yeah!" Socks added. "No one cares about StarClan! Just answer the question!"

The ginger tom shifted angrily in his chair, huffing. "Fine! I'm lesser than this arrogant fleabag because she's an arrogant fleabag!"

"Wrong answer!" Nightcloud snarled, swatting Firestar with her notecards. "I am not arrogant! Or a fleabag!"

Socks snorted. "Yes you are."

"Okay, guys, be nice," Scourge growled. "It's not Nightcloud's fault the three of us had to be on the show together. Let's not take our anger out on her. We can just kill each other later."

"Thank you, Scourgy-wurgy!" Nightcloud meowed. "Leafy, give my little Scourgykins a point!"

The scorekeeper looked a bit confused. "But he never answered the…oh fine. One point for Scourge!"

The host picked up the next pink notecard. "Question two: What are your thoughts on me, myself, and I?"

"What is this show?" Socks cried. "The 'Nightcloud is a Dummy' show? Nightcloud, if you are too dumb to understand what I mean, I mean I think you're dumb, and so is this show!"

"Socks, Nightcloud's really smart," Scourge meowed. "You're being extra mean today. Like meaner than me."

Firestar nodded. "I didn't think it was possible to be meaner than Scourge. We don't call cats 'dumb'. It's rude and StarClan would be mad! Nightcloud is a…nice cat? I don't know. But she isn't dumb!"

The host nodded. "I am insanely, amazing, brilliantly intelligent. Points for Scourge and Firestar!"

Leafpool drew tally marks next to the toms' names. "So that's a point for Firestar, two points for Scourge, and zero points for Socks!"

"I hate my brothers," Socks grumbled, slouching in his chair.

"Question three: Would you kill Crowfeather if you saw him?"

Firestar sat up straight in his chair. "Oh my goodness, no! Murder is wrong! StarClan said not to kill others!"

"Shut up already about the StarClan stuff!" Socks cried, hitting his ginger half-brother. "And no, I wouldn't kill Crowfeather. Killing is never the answer. It's just wrong."

Scourge shook his head. "Killing is fun! I'd kill Crowfeather in an instant!"

"Aw! My little Scourgy-wurgy always knows just what to say!" Nightcloud gushed. "That's a million points for Scourge!"

The tabby-and-white scorekeeper sighed. "Why on earth do you like Scourge so much? And stop insulting my Crowykins! Anyway…that's one million and two points for Scourge, one point for Firestar, and still nothing for Socks."

"I still hate my brothers," the tom muttered.

Nightcloud glared at Socks, anger bubbling inside her. "You are ruining my show. I hope you know that. I'm about ready to call Brokenstar to come out here! Now on to the last question: Would you eat a turtle for me?"

Firestar wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Ew! No way!"

"What is wrong with you?" Socks spat at the host. "Eating a turtle? Seriously? Did your mom drop you on your head or something? Do you have a brick for a brain? You are messed up! All of these questions are messed up! This show is terrible! My brothers are terrible! I hate my life! I hate-"

"AHHHH!" Brokenstar screeched, flying at Socks and whacking him with a toy train. "You hate your life? I'll end your life!"

"Brokenstar, not on camera!" Tansy cried, shoving her paw over the lens to shield the viewers from seeing the attack.

The tom continued beating Socks with his toy train. "But he ruined Nightcloud's show! He insulted the only she-cat who's ever cared for me- save for Mom and Mapleshade. He deserves to be murdered by my train!"

The director shook her head, zooming her camera in on Nightcloud. "Just announce Scourge as the winner so I can turn the camera off and save Socks!"

"Um…Scourge is the winner!" the host meowed, watching Brokenstar whack Socks violently with yet another random item from his collection of random items. "I'm just going to…leave now." She jumped out of her chair and ran off of the stage. Firestar and Scourge followed her quickly, not wanting Brokenstar to turn on them.

Tansy turned the camera toward her. "That's the end of this show! I've got to go call an ambulance for Socks!"

The deranged security guard hit the contestant with his train over and over, screeching, "Die, you scoundrel! Feel the pain of my toy train!"


	11. Cloudstar, Gray Wing, Graystripe

_Episode 11: Cloudstar, Gray Wing, Graystripe_

"Welcome to the world's most watched feline game show- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool meowed. "I'm sure you're all wondering what happened to Socks and Brokenstar at the end of the last episode. Well, Socks is in the hospital recovering from his toy train-related injuries, and is resting uncomfortably. Brokenstar spent the weekend in Smiley Dayz Insane Asylum for the Criminally Insane, but was released this morning. His toy train was taken away from him as punishment for beating Socks. Now on with the show! Here's your host- Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat waltzed onto the stage. "I'm ready for another show! How about you, Leafy?"

The tabby-and-white announcer nodded. "I'm always ready! I think I'm going to doodle little stars on my whiteboard today."

"Ugh! You are _such_ a she-cat!" Brokenstar grumbled from the side of the stage.

"Says the tom wearing a pink sparkly sweater!" Leafpool growled. "I ain't the only she-cat here."

"Don't you dare say anything about my sweater!" the tom spat. "Nightcloud made this for me!"

Suddenly an elderly gray she-cat ran onto the stage, flinging herself at the security guard. "Oh, my little Broken-baby, I knew you loved your sweater!"

Nightcloud stifled a laugh. "Of course he does, Yellowfang. I made it for him. I made a lovely sweater."

"Well, I made him another one," the surprise guest meowed, yanking the pink sweater off of her son. "Here, Sweetie, wear this sweater now!" She shoved a light green sweater with a rainbow stitched on it over Brokenstar's head.

"Mom, I don't want to wear another sweater!" the tom groaned.

Yellowfang stood back, admiring her handy-work. "You look so handsome, baby boy!"

The host coughed loudly. "Yellowfang, I have a show to run."

"Oh yeah," the gray she-cat meowed. "Leafy, tell Nightcloud who the contestants are today!"

The tabby-and-white she-cat looked confused, as if she were wondering if she had to follow Yellowfang's orders. "Um…today we've got Cloudstar, Gray Wing, and Graystripe!"

The three toms padded onto the stage, Graystripe staring down at his paws as he climbed into the chair next to Nightcloud. "I'm going to lose today. I'm going to lose today," he repeated to himself.

The host smiled devilishly. "Afraid of making Millie mad again, are we?"

"Oh yes," the tom replied. "She made me sleep in the apprentices den for a week after I was on last time! It was horrible!"

"Well, let's make her mad again today," Nightcloud meowed. "Leafy, what are these hooligans playing for today?"

Leafpool glanced down at her pink notecard. "Today's prize is taking Nightcloud to Thunderstar's Magical Fairground, brought to you by thunder- a scary thing from every storm!"

"That's a…nice prize," Gray Wing meowed slowly. "I really don't think my nephew would run a magical fairground, though. He's much too serious for that."

"You just be quiet," Nightcloud hissed. "You don't know what Thunder does on his days off! Now for the first question: Would you eat deathberries for me?"

Gray Wing's eyes widened. "Would I kill myself for you? No way!"

"I wouldn't choose to, but I'm sure Millie will force me to eat deathberries if I win," Graystripe answered.

Cloudstar was shaking his head. "The only she-cat I'd eat deathberries for is my mate, Birdflight!"

"All three of you were wrong!" the host hissed. "You were supposed to say 'Of course I would, my dear Nightcloud.' You're all failures! But…I'll give Graystripe a point for his answer. Millie is so mean!"

Leafpool drew a pink tally mark next to gray tom's name. "That's one point for Graystripe!"

Nightcloud nodded seriously, picking up the next notecard. "Question two: What will you do for our kits?"

"I ain't having kits with you!" Gray Wing cried. "You aren't Turtle Tail or Storm!"

"What kind of game show is this?" Cloudstar asked. "You guys just pick toms that already have mates, abduct them from their dens, lock them in steel cages backstage-"

"SHUT UP!" Nightcloud screeched. "We can't let the audience know what goes on back stage!"

The director, who was sitting behind the camera with a horrified look on her face, quickly turned around to address the audience. "We certainly do not lock the toms in cold, steel cages, and we certainly don't starve them or poke them with sticks, either. So don't listen to Cloudstar. And don't go backstage. I repeat, do not go backstage!"

Graystripe turned to face Nightcloud. "Um…yeah, I can't have kits with you either. Millie would be furious, and I'm pretty sure my kits would be, too. The three I have with Millie already think I love Stormfur more than them."

The host slumped in her chair. "This episode is not going so well. No one gets a point!"

Yellowfang padded over to her former co-host. "Now you know how I felt on The Yellowfang and Nightcloud Show! None of those episodes went very well!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Nightcloud cried, giving Yellowfang an upset look. "That's it's all my fault?"

"The score is still one point for Graystripe, no points for Gray Wing or Cloudstar!" Leafpool meowed, rushing over and pulling Yellowfang away from Nightcloud.

The host huffed angrily and picked up another notecard. "Question three: Who is your favorite Clan cat?"

Cloudstar answered first. "Birdflight, obviously. She was my mate, after all."

Graystripe answered next. "Silver- wait, I mean Millie!" He turned to the camera, his amber eyes wide with fright. "Millie, darling, you're the only Clan cat I care about! I don't care about Silverstream at all, I swear!"

Gray Wing shook his head slowly at Graystripe's nervousness. "Um…Thunderstar I guess."

"I'll give all three of them points," Nightcloud meowed, "but give Graystripe an extra point cuz I want him to win."

"No!" he cried. "I don't want to win! Millie will murder me!"

Leafpool laughed as she drew tally marks next to the toms' names. "That's three points for Graystripe, one point for Gray Wing, and one point for Cloudstar!"

Tansy glanced at her Hello Kitty watch. "Nightcloud, you need to end the show now. We don't have time for the last question. ClanTV needs this studio cleared out in thirty minutes."

"Then I guess Graystripe's the winner!" the host announced.

"No! I can't win!" the gray tom yowled. "I refuse! Ask another question! Recount the tally marks! Do something! Anything!"

Brokenstar padded up to him. "I'll do something for you, Graystripe."

"Thank you!"

The security guard then whacked the winner with a giant stuffed Barney toy, knocking Graystripe off of the stage.

"…thanks," he mumbled quietly, rubbing his now very sore head.

Yellowfang walked in front of Tansy's camera. "Isn't my son great?"


	12. Firestar, Blackstar, Bramblestar

_Episode 12: Firestar, Blackstar, Bramblestar_

A tiny black she-cat with a white chest and one white front paw stood on the center of the stage. "Welcome to Win a Date with Nightcloud," she squeaked. "I'm Star, filling in for Leafpool because she and Crowfeather are at the hospital waiting for Cinderheart to have Lionblaze's kits. They want to be the first to see their new grandbabies. Now here's your host- Nightcloud!"

Nightcloud strolled onto the stage, flashing the kit a pleased look. "Very good, Star! That was a great introduction!"

"Thank you!" the kit meowed. "I got an A in my 'Announcing Game Shows' class at school."

"I can tell!" the host replied. "Can you tell everyone who the guests are today?"

Star looked at the pink notecard she was holding. "Today we have Firestar, Blackstar and…Bramblestar." She sighed dreamily. "Isn't Bramblestar cute?"

The three toms padded out onto the stage. Bramblestar sat down in the middle green chair, staring at the kit with wide amber eyes. "Um, thanks?"

Nightcloud sat down on her red plush chair, waiting for Blackstar and Firestar to take their seats. "Star, what are our lovely toms play for today?"

"Today the prize is taking Nightcloud to see The Prey Games at Lake Territory Cinemas, courtesy of Littlecloud's Filming Company."

"Littlecloud makes movies?" Blackstar gasped. "No wonder the herb store in my Clan is always low! My medicine cat is too busy making block-busters!"

Nightcloud laughed. "Blacky, you should really be more aware of what goes on in your Clan! Now onto the questions…What is your favorite toy?"

"Oh, mine is my 'Singing Simba' doll!" Star meowed. "He sings all the songs from _The Meowing King_ when you squeeze his belly!"

"Star, dear, the toms have to answer the question, not you," the host meowed.

Tansy nodded to her daughter. "That's right. You need to make tally marks on Leafpool's whiteboard when a tom gets the answer right."

The kit narrowed her eyes, clearly displeased. "Fine," she grumbled, padding over to the whiteboard.

Firestar answered Nightcloud's question first. "My favorite toy is my old catnip mouse from when I was a kittypet," he mewed. "It always smelled so good."

"That's a stupid kittypet answer," Blackstar growled. "My favorite toys were all by Beanie Babies! I had four hundred of them! #total90scat"

"Wow, Blackstar, you're so old!" Nightcloud meowed. "The nineties were _soooo_ last century!"

Bramblestar nodded, agreeing with the host. "Yeah, dude, if you were alive in the nineties, you're ancient! You're like, what…twenty twoleg years old or something?"

"Maybe…"

The brown tabby tom just shook his head. "Well, I'm like six and a half years old, according to my Wikia page, so I'm not ancient! My favorite toy was a 'Tickle me Elmo' doll."

Nightcloud smiled. "That's a good toy, though I'd prefer a Barbie doll. I'll give Bramblestar a point!"

Star nodded and reached up as high as she could to draw a pink tally mark next to the ThunderClan leader's name. "Bramblestar has one point!"

"Question two: Do you own a jeep?"

Blackstar shook his head. "Only weird cats drive Jeeps. I drive a 1966 Cherry Red Corvette. All the cool cats drive Chevy."

"No, all the cool cats drive Ford!" Firestar hissed. "I drive a yellow Mustang!"

"You both are wrong!" Bramblestar meowed. "Volkswagen's the best! I drive a Carnation Pink VW Beetle!"

Nightcloud laughed at the dark tabby tom's 'manly' car. "Pink?"

"Squirrelflight picked it out," he muttered, staring at his paws.

The host nodded, understanding the tom entirely. "I'll give Bramblestar a point for not arguing with his mate, but Blackstar two points for driving an awesome car!"

Star nodded, updating her whiteboard. "So Blackstar has two points, and Bramblestar had one, but gets another one…one plus one equals…um…two."

"Yay!" Tansy cheered. "Isn't my daughter great at math?"

Nightcloud picked up her next notecard. "She sure is, Tansy. Question three: Who is- or was- the cutest kit ever!"

"Me!" Star cried.

Blackstar nodded. "Star is sooo cute! Look at her fluffy black fur and her fluffy white chest! She's darling!"

Firestar shook his head. "No no no…Squirrelflight was the cutest kit ever, and I'm not just saying that cuz she looks like me. Oh wait…yes I am."

"No, Hollyleaf was the cutest kit ever," Bramblestar argued. "She was my little girl, you know, until the whole 'hey, Dad, I'm not really your daughter' thing, but she was still really cute."

"Wow…" Nightcloud meowed. "I was not expecting those answers. You were supposed to say Breezepelt was the cutest kit ever, but I would have also accepted Brokenstar or one of Tansy's kits. Blackstar gets a point!"

"Yay! I'm cute!" Star cried, drawing another tally mark by the tom's name. "That means Firestar has zero points, Blackstar has two points, and Bramblestar has two points!"

Nightcloud studied the whiteboard. "We need a tie breaker! It's a good thing I've got a special question just for that purpose. Question four: On a scale of one to ten, how attractive am I?"

"Really?" Firestar asked. "Two of us have mates, you know. We aren't allowed to give you high ratings. You get a six from me."

"Yeah," Bramblestar added. "I've already answered that once. You get a seven, maybe an eight."

Blackstar shook his head. "Since my love for Russetfur is a secret, I can give Nightcloud a ten!"

The sound of Tansy hitting her head with her paw could be heard all the way in the back of the auditorium. "Seriously, Blackstar? If you keep saying you have a secret mate, but keep saying her name, it's NOT A SECRET!"

"It's a secret from her…"

"How does she not know?" the camera-cat asked. "Your Twitter account is filled with confessions of love to her! Your PawBook account is filled with confessions of love to her! Your Catogram account is filled with pictures confessing your love to her! Is she blind?"

"Poor Russetfur…" Nightcloud meowed. "Maybe she's just not that into you, Blackstar. If I were her, I'd get a restraining order. On that note, Blackstar actually gets the point for having the right answer!"

Star nodded and counted the final scores. "Firestar ends with no points, Bramblestar has two points, and Blackstar has three!"

"That makes Blackstar the winner!" Nightcloud announced.

"Yay!" the tom cheered, whipping out his phone. He hurried starting tapping on the phone's keyboard. "Just won a date with Nighty. #wegonnaseeamovie #russetiloveyou"

Star bounded off of the stage to stand by Tansy. "Mama, Brokenstar didn't whack anybody!" she whined. "I want to see Brokenstar whack somebody!"

The director glanced over at the security guard. "You heard my daughter. Whack somebody!"

"It would be my pleasure," Brokenstar meowed. He padded up to Firestar and whacked him with a rubber ducky, knocking him unconscious. Turning to face the kit, he mewed, "Hey, Star, want to do a segment of 'Doing Stuff to Toms While Their Unconscious'?"

"Yes!" she cried. "Can we make him a mermaid? Pleasey?"

Tansy just laughed, hovering her paw over the camera button. "As evil as Brokenstar is, he is just _wonderful_ with kits!


	13. Cloudstar, Berrynose, Molepaw

**_(A/N: This may be one of my favorite episodes. Just sayin'.)_**

_Episode 13: Cloudstar, Berrynose, Molepaw_

"Welcome back to the greatest game show ever made- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool meowed. "You all missed me on the last episode, right? Well, I had to see my grandbabies. Only one of my kids can have kids, so I couldn't miss their birth. Maybe Jayfeather will break the Code and have kits with Willowshine…"

"Leafpool, just introduce me!" an annoyed she-cat's voice sounded form offstage.

The tabby-and-white she-cat ignored the host. "Anyway, who wants to see pictures of my grandbabies?"

Nightcloud ran onto the stage. "You can show the audience your grandbabies on your own time! It's my time now, Girly!"

"Fine," Leafpool huffed. "I swear, some people just don't care about grandbabies. Just because their son decided to be a hippie and live in the mountains with Heathertail and not have kits doesn't mean they have to be so mean about my kits having kits!"

"Just introduce the contestants already!" the host growled.

The announcer glared at Nightcloud. "Today's contestants are Cloudstar, Berrynose, and Molepaw! Oh, and if Cloudstar says anything about how we lock toms up in cages, don't feed them, and poke them with llamas, he's lying. We poke them with sticks."

"Shh!" the host spat. "Stop telling our secrets! We don't need Firestar's Police Force of Morality coming and shutting us down! Why do you think we always keep Firestar separate when he's on the show? We can't let him find out about how we treat all the other toms!"

Cloudstar, Berrynose, and Molepaw padded out onto the stage. Berrynose sent Nightcloud a confused look. "What are you talking about? I wasn't locked in the stage. You put me in your dressing room so I could nap on your soft purple couch, twirl around in your pink tutu, and eat all your M&Ms!"

"Berry-boy, you get special treatment cuz you're awesome!" Nightcloud replied.

"I want ice cream," Molepaw meowed.

"I should call my attorney," Cloudstar growled. "Clear Sky would make you pay for locking me up!"

The host gave the tom a scared look. "Um…how about we just get the show on the road! Leafpool, what are they playing for?"

The tabby-and-white announced glanced at her pink notecard. "Today's prize is taking Nightcloud to the "Warrior Cat Girl Store" so you can buy her a really expensive doll that will wipe out your entire life savings!"

"And now for the questions," the host meowed, picking up her stack of pink notecards. "Are you a 'tries to be perfect guy' or a 'glitter party animal'?"

Cloudstar shifted in his green plush chair. "I always try to be the perfect guy. Clan leaders can't afford to be party animals. We have a job, you know."

"Well, I'm a glitter part animal!" Berrynose announced. "I love to party all night long and dance around covered in Sunstar's Sunshiny Glitter of Joy and Sunshine!"

"I want ice cream," Molepaw meowed.

Nightcloud gave the apprentice a weird look. "This is why I didn't want an apprentice on the show. I also don't want to date Berrynose's son. I just want Berry-boy."

"Hey, my son is _almost_ as awesome as I am!" Berrynose informed the she-cat.

Leafpool sighed. "I guess this means Berrynose gets a point."

"You're learning, Leafy," Nightcloud mewed. "Question two: If StarClan could give you any power, what power would you have?"

Cloudstar tipped his head to one side. "The power to stop twolegs from building towns and ruining my Clan's territory and tearing my family apart and not letting me see my children and ruining my whole life and- "

"Dude, stop talking," Berrynose groaned. "My power would obviously be being the most awesome, handsome, talented, brilliant, smart, witty, charming, brave, strong, humble cat in the whole world. Oh wait, StarClan already gave me that power."

"I'd have the power to make ice cream appear in front of me whenever I want it!" Molepaw meowed.

Nightcloud just stared at Molepaw, not knowing how to respond to that.

"So that's two points for Berrynose, no points for Cloudstar or Molepaw!" Leafpool announced.

The host nodded happily. "Question three: If you could go back in time, what part of your life would you change?"

"I'd go back to this morning when Brokenstar appeared in my den with ropes and duct tape to bring me back to this place," Cloudstar growled. "I'd give him a piece of my mind…and my claws!"

"I'd go back and push Briarkit out of the snake's way so Honeyfern wouldn't die!" Berrynose answered. "Since I'm super awesome, the snake's venom wouldn't hurt me and Honey-baby and I could be together forever and ever and I wouldn't have to put up with Poppyfrost!"

"I'd go back to last night when Mommy gave me a big bowl of Silly Squirrel ice cream, and then I'd eat the whole carton when she wasn't looking!" Molepaw meowed.

Suddenly a tortoiseshell she-cat ran up on the stage, raging mad. "So now you have my mate _and_ my son on this show?!" she snarled at Nightcloud.

The host nodded smugly. "Yep. Berry-boy is wonderful, isn't he?"

"Mommy, can I have some ice cream?" Molepaw asked.

Poppyfrost ignored her son. "Nightcloud, I am going to destroy you! Berrynose, get Moley-woley out of here. He doesn't need to see Mommy murder the host."

Berrynose ignored his mate, pulling a random bowl of popcorn out from under his chair.

The tortoiseshell she-cat leaped at Nightcloud, knocking her and her chair over backwards.

"Brokenstar, help me!" the host cried.

The ragged tom padded over to the fighting she-cats and violently whacked Poppyfrost a box of hearing aids.

"Ow!" the she-cat hissed, turning on Brokenstar. "How dare you hit me! You should hit Berrynose!"

"Fine by me!" he shrugged, whacking her mate with a banana.

Cloudstar watched in horror as Brokenstar continued hitting Berrynose with a banana. "Where does he get all this stuff?"

"I don't know," Nightcloud mewed. "He just has it. Anyway, Berrynose pretty much wins. He always wins."

"I want ice cream," Molepaw meowed.


	14. Shrewtooth, Rowanclaw, Shellheart

_Episode 14: Shrewtooth, Rowanclaw, Shellheart_

Leafpool danced around the stage, listening to something on her iPod. When she caught sight of Tansy wildly waving her paws, she yanked her purple earbuds out. "Sorry, everyone! I was listening to a song about tractors! I just love tractors, don't you? The only problem was this song was about a John Deere tractor, but I like Kubotas and Farmalls. Classic tractors from the 1950s rock! Anyway, here's another episode of Win a Date with Nightcloud! Let's all give some enthusiastic applause for the wonderful, lovely host- Nightcloud!"

"Thank you for that _marvelous _introduction," the black she-cat growled sarcastically. "The whole world doesn't need to know about your love of tractors."

"I love tractors, too!" Tansy called. "Go Farmalls!"

Leafpool smiled smugly at the host. "See, Nightcloud, Tansy's a country she-cat, too! Tractors are great!"

"Whatever. Just tell the audience who we've got locked in steel cages- I mean soft quilts made of butterfly wings- backstage."

"Today we've got Shrewtooth, Rowanclaw, and Shellheart on the show," the announcer meowed.

The three toms padded slowly onto the stage, giving the announcer strange looks.

"Tractors are dangerous," Shrewtooth meowed. "You should see what one did to my cousin."

"Never mind that!" Leafpool snapped. "Nighty, start the questions!"

Nightcloud shook her head. "You haven't told them what they're playing for yet!"

The tabby-and-white she-cat snorted angrily and looked at her pink notecard. "Fine. Today's prize is taking Nightcloud to 'The Tractor Emporium' to buy her a classic tractor, courtesy of Barely the barn cat!"

"But I don't want a tractor…" Nightcloud meowed. "Oh well. At least I don't have to pay for it. Anyway, it's time for the questions. Here's the first: If you had to live in another Clan, which would it be?"

Shrewtooth tipped his head to one side. "I think ThunderClan would be pretty cool. I mean, it was ThunderClan cats who restored SkyClan, so they must be good cats."

Shellheart nodded. "I say ThunderClan, too. They may think RiverClan cats are fat and lazy, but I'd love to climb trees and chase squirrels!"

"Well, I think ThunderClan would be nice, too," Rowanclaw mewed. "Tawny misses her brother, so I keep suggesting we move back. Those mean cats who bullied her as an apprentice are dead now and Bramblestar's the leader, so I think she'd be welcomed back. I'd just go with her because I love her."

"Aww…" Nightcloud sighed. "You're so sweet, Rowanclaw. The answer was supposed to be WindClan, but since Rowanclaw said he'd move just be make his mate happy, he wins the round!"

Leafpool stopped doodling a picture of her kits to draw a pink tally mark next to the ShadowClan cat's name. "That's a point for Rowanclaw!"

"Question two: How much do you hate Brokenstar?"

"Hey!" the security guard cried. "I'm not that bad! I'm doing community service, aren't I? I already have twenty-eight of my million hours complete!"

Shellheart glanced over at the tom. "I feel sorry for you, Bud. You'll never get all those hours done." He turned to face Nightcloud. "I don't hate him. I don't really know him. He was like…really young when I died. He wasn't evil then."

Shrewtooth nodded. "I didn't know him when he was evil. He doesn't seem bad now, so I can't really say that I hate him."

"Same here. I was just a little kit when he died," Rowanclaw meowed. "I didn't become an apprentice until Nightstar was a ruler. That was a _really _long time ago, even before I was listed as a girl in the allegiances. Which, to be honest, I find to be a bit weird. I was mentioned as a girl in Midnight and Moonrise, but a tom in Tigerstar's Fury, which happened before Midnight."

"Rowanclaw, this show isn't about gender changes," Nightcloud meowed. "Then we'd have to have Mosskit and Gorsetail on the show, too."

"I changed genders!" Shellheart reminded everybody. "I was a girl in that book about Bluestar, but a boy in the one about my son!"

Tansy sighed loudly. "Seriously, just answer Nightcloud's questions! No one cares about all those gender-blender things. The authors messed up. We get it."

"So who gets the points for this question, then?" Leafpool asked.

Nightcloud thought for a moment. "Um…all three of them, I guess. None hate Brokenstar, and he hasn't tried to kill me in the past moon, so I don't hate him right now either."

"So that means Rowanclaw has two points, Shrewtooth has one point, and Shellheart has one point!"

The host nodded, studying the whiteboard. "There's still time to determine a winner. Question three: What is the worst warrior name ever?"

Rowanclaw answered the question first. "That one name that one ThunderClan cat thought he'd get. What was that…um…Berrystumpytail?"

"I think Crookedjaw is an awful name," Shellheart answered. "I still can't believe Rainflower made our leader changed Stormkit's name. Isn't she cruel? She's worse than Millie!"

Shrewtooth answered last. "I think that Deadfoot had a horrible name. He started life out as Hopkit. Why did his name have to be changed? What cruel cat makes someone have the prefix 'Dead'?"

Nightcloud sighed. "I don't know. That was cruel. Same with Rainflower. All three of you get a point!"

"Rowanclaw is still in the lead with three points, while Shrewtooth and Shellheart have two points!" Leafpool announced.

"We have time for one more question," the host meowed. "Okay…if you were in a zombie apocalypse, what would you use for a weapon, shelter, a zombie-killing partner?"

Shrewtooth's eyes widened. "What kind of question is that?"

"We let the audience submit questions," Nightcloud explained. "Just answer it."

The skinny black tom still looked confused. "Well, I guess I'd use peanut butter as my weapon, I'd shelter in a rabbit's warren, and I'd choose Leafstar as my partner- but don't tell Billystorm I said that!"

"He's probably watching the show. Everyone watches this show," the host meowed.

Rowanclaw replied next. "I'd use Barney as my weapon. He'd sing songs about cleaning up and that would annoy the zombies to death. Probably. Tawnypelt would be my partner!"

Shellheart answered last. "I'd just throw Rainflower to the zombies and run for my life."

"Ha! That serves her right!" Nightcloud laughed. "Hm…give Rowanclaw and Shellheart a point, Leafy!"

Leafpool drew pink tally marks on her whiteboard and counted the final score. "We end up with Rowanclaw having four points, Shellheart having three points, and Shrewtooth having two points!"

"That means Rowanclaw is our winner!" Nightcloud announced.

The ShadowClan deputy's eyes widened. "Okay, I'll take you to buy a tractor, but I need to say something to the camera first."

Tansy zoomed the camera in on the tom. "Tawnypelt," he began, "I am so sorry I won. I'll buy you a tractor, too. I know you want a new Kubota because Tigerheart crashed yours into a tree when he was distracted by Dovewing. Please don't be mad! Oh, and could you make pizza for dinner? Love you!"

"You are so weird, Rowanclaw," Nightcloud meowed.

Leafpool, happy to be done with the episode, began singing. "Well she's not into cars or pickup trucks, but if it runs like a 'bota, man her eyes light up!"

"Ahhh!" Brokenstar cried, running at the scorekeeper and whacking her with a bag of _Patchpelt's Magical Prunes_. "Stop singing about tractors!"

Tansy turned the camera toward herself. "This is certainly an odd show. Sometimes I wonder how random it's going to get. Stay tuned for the next episode!"


	15. Jayfeather, Ashfur, Berrynose

_Episode 15: Jayfeather, Ashfur, Berrynose_

"Today on the fabulous, incredible, exciting, weird, random, funny, marvelous game how, Win a Date with Nightcloud, three toms will answer strange questions, Tansy will get mad at somebody, and Brokenstar will whack somebody with something from his collection of random items!" Leafpool meowed.

"Wait a minute," Tansy interrupted. "I told you to remove someone's name from the list of possible toms."

"Yeah…we didn't listen," Leafpool meowed. "You know how Brokenstar told you Oakheart was going to be on the show? He lied."

"WHAT?" the camera-cat spat.

The security guard burst out laughing, collapsing on the ground. "I…fooled…you…so…good!" he gasped out between laughs. "I…even catnapped…Oakheart…so you…wouldn't…expect anything!"

Nightcloud padded out onto the stage, looking confused. "Hey, guys, has anyone seen Oakheart? I think he escaped from his cage. And why is Ashfur back there? I thought he was baby-sitting for Tansy."

Leafpool shrugged. "Never mind that, Nighty. Let's just bring out our guests- Ashfur, Jayfeather, and Berrynose!"

"You better lose this time, Ashy!" Tansy hissed.

"Honey, don't worry!" Ashfur meowed. "Berrynose is on the show. I have no chance this time."

Nightcloud flopped down on her red plush chair. "So, Leafy, what's Berry-boy playing for today?"

"Today's prize is taking Nightcloud to see the 'World's Largest Thermometer', courtesy of _Things No One Cares About Inc._"

The host nodded happily. "That's a great prize! I've already seen the world's biggest ball of yarn and the world's largest wind chimes! Now for the competition…question one: What are your reasons to hate Crowfeather?"

"Nighty, you promised you'd stop being mean to Crowy!" Leafpool whined.

"You be quiet, Leafy."

Jayfeather sighed. "Didn't I answer this on a previous show? I hate my father because he's the biggest jerk in the whole wide world!"

The tabby-and-white scorekeeper padded over to the blind tom and smacked him with her pink marker. "You apologize right now, young man!"

"No, Mother!" Jayfeather sighed. "Dad doesn't deserve my apology!"

Berrynose nodded. "Jayfeather's right. Crowfeather isn't an awesome dad. Dads are supposed to be super cool and awesome like me. Crowfeather's a loser."

"Pretty much," Ashfur agreed. "I mean, I hate Leafpool's kids as much as he does, but that's cuz I thought they were Squirrelykins' kits!"

"Don't call her 'Squirrelykins'!" Tansy spat.

Nightcloud stared down at her camera-cat. "Tansy, you're so bossy. Just thought I'd tell you that. Anyway, everyone gets a point!"

Leafpool drew tally marks next to the toms' names. "Ashfur has a point, Berrynose has a point, and my very rude son has a point!"

"Mom!" Jayfeather cried.

"Onto the next question," Nightcloud mewed. "Who's your favorite Dark Forest cat?"

Berrynose tipped his head to one side. "Hm…Brokenstar. He's an awesome security guard! And he totally makes that green sweater with the rainbow on it work! It looks totally fabulous on him."

Ashfur nodded. "Yeah, he does look pretty good in that sweater. I liked the pink sparkly one better, though."

"Are you both insane?" Jayfeather asked. "He's evil! And those sweaters are hideous!"

"I made the pink one…" Nightcloud mewed quietly.

The scorekeeper sighed. "That makes two points each for Ashfur and Berrynose. My son with no manners still has zero."

"Mother!" the blind tom groaned. "Can't you just pretend I'm not your son when I'm on the show? You're embarrassing!"

The host quickly read the next question. "What's your favorite TV show?"

"_Cooking with Blind Cats_," Jayfeather answered immediately. "Longtail may not be able to see that his kitchen's on fire, but his burnt mice, burnt robins, burnt bunnies, burnt shrews, and burnt sparrows look delicious!"

Nightcloud gave the ThunderClan medicine cat a strange look. "How do _you _know his kitchen's on fire? What network gave Longtail a cooking show? How on earth can he even cook?"

Ashfur answered next. "My favorite show is _Sweet Revenge_ on CrimeCatTV. That show has given me so many ideas on how to get revenge on Squirrelflight, whom I love with all my heart!"

"Ashy, you are the worst boyfriend ever!" Tansy hissed. "You're supposed to be over Squirrelflight!"

"And your answer was just…weird," Nightcloud meowed. "You aren't supposed to get revenge on those you love."

Berrynose answered last. "My favorite show is _The Suite Life of Oak and Stormy. _I know that's a show for kits and apprentices, but when you have kids you have to sit through a lot of kids shows. Catalodean has some really good shows."

"I love that show, Berry-boy!" the host gushed. "It's so funny! Two kittens that live in a twoleg hotel and drive the hotel manager crazy? Hilarious!"

"Berrynose gets another point," Leafpool sighed, drawing another tally mark on her board. "Berrynose now has three points, Ashfur has two, and my very grounded son has no points!"

Jayfeather threw his paws up in the air. "Mom! You can't ground me anymore! I'm all grown up! Just have more kits with Crowfeather so you can leave me alone!"

The scorekeeper marched up to the gray tom and swatted him with her paw. "You do not speak to your mother that way!"

"Then don't annoy me!"

"I'm your mother!" Leafpool hissed. "I can do what I like!"

"No you can't!"

The tabby-and-white scorekeeper whirled around. "Brokenstar, get out here and teach my son a lesson!"

The security guard walked onto the stage, proudly showing off his green-and-rainbow sweater. "Jayfeather, you made a mistake annoying Leafy. She and I are best buds now!"

"Mom, you _cannot _be friends with Brokenstar!" Jayfeather cried.

The ragged tom viciously whacked the blind cat with a dandelion. "Feel the wrath of my little yellow flower!" he screeched. "There is nothing more painful than little yellow flowers of joy and happiness!"

Nightcloud watched Brokenstar hit Jayfeather with the dandelion with amusement. "This is funny. Who knew that a dandelion could hurt so badly?"

"End the show, Nightcloud," Tansy meowed. "I need to stop Brokenstar before he has to be taken to Smiley Dayz Insane Asylum for the Criminally Insane again."

"Oh, I have an idea of how to end the show!" the host meowed, leaping off of her chair. She padded over to a long rope that hung on the side of the stage. Nightcloud gave the rope a strong tug, releasing one metric ton of metal hashtags onto the stage, directly onto Brokenstar and Jayfeather.

"Oh, no! My baby!" Leafpool shrieked, frantically digging through the hashtags to find Jayfeather.

Tansy turned the camera on herself. "Well, that ought to end the show! Jayfeather and Brokenstar should be knocked out for quite a while. Anyway, Berrynose won and Ashfur is in trouble! Keep watching for the next episode!


	16. Runningnose, Redtail, Beetlenose

_Episode 16: Runningnose, Redtail, Beetlenose_

A tiny black she-cat with a white chest stood on the stage, looking a bit nervous. "Mama, are you sure I have to start the show?" she asked, glancing down at Tansy.

"Yes, Mallow. Leafpool's stuck at the hospital with Jayfeather. Those hashtags caused massive brain damage, apparently. We need an announcer and Star's gotten to do it once, so it's your turn."

Mallow stared out into the audience. "Um…Welcome to Win a Date with Nightcloud. Please clap for the host of this show- Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat padded out onto the stage. "You're doing just fine, little one!" she mewed, taking her seat on the red plush chair.

"Today's contestants are three toms that have not been on the show before," the kit continued. "Please clap for Runningnose, Redtail, and Beetlenose."

The three toms padded out onto the stage, Runningnose wiping his running nose with a paw.

"It's great to be here today," he sniffed.

Redtail nodded as he sat down on the middle green chair. "Yes, it is marvelous, isn't it?"

"I'm just here for a random insert!" Beetlenose announced.

"Who are you again?" Nightcloud asked.

The tom tipped his head to one side. "I'm a RiverClan cat. I'm Hailstar's son, so I'm kind of old. But since I'm dead, I decided I'd be young again, unlike Patchpelt."

"Okay…" the host mewed. "On that note, Mallow, tell these boys what they're playing for!"

Mallow studied her pink notecard. "Today's prize is a trip to Wonderland, courtesy of Firestar's veeeery distant cousin- the Cheshire cat!"

"Wonderful!" Nightcloud said. "I've always wanted to go to Wonderland and have an unbirthday party! Now let's start the contest! Question one: Do you like waffles?"

Runningnose answered first. "I sure do! I eat waffles with my cough syrup every morning!"

The host gave the former ShadowClan medicine cat a weird look. "How on earth did you become a medicine cat? You can't even cure your own cold!"

Redtail answered next. "I love waffles with peanut butter. My daughter, Sandstorm, says that's really weird, but ya know what I think is weird? Sandstorm's mate doesn't life waffles! There is something wrong with Firestar…"

"I like waffles with rainbow sprinkles and marshmallows and cookie dough and ice cream and chocolate syrup!" Beetlenose meowed. "I guess that makes them a dessert, not a breakfast food."

"That sounds yummy, Beetlenose," Nightcloud meowed. "Beetlenose and Redtail both get points!"

Mallow pulled a random step-stool up to the whiteboard so she could draw the tally marks. "Beetlenose has one point and Redtail has one point and I want a waffle with ice cream and chocolate syrup!"

"That's my girl!" Tansy exclaimed proudly, eating a waffle with ice cream and chocolate syrup.

Nightcloud moved onto the next question. "What's your favorite Disney song?"

"My favorite is 'Go the Distance' from _Hercules_," Runningnose meowed, pulling a tissue out from who-knows-where and blowing his nose.

Redtail thought for a moment. "I think my favorite song is 'Under the Sea' from _The Little Mermaid_. That's Sandstorm's favorite movie."

"I love 'Bippity Boppity Boo' from _Cinderella_!" Beetlenose announced.

"No one said any song from _The Meowing King_ movies…" the host sighed. "I'll give a point to Runningnose!"

Mallow stopped drawing a picture of Hannah Montana on the whiteboard to make the tally mark. "Everyone has one point!" she meowed.

"What on earth are you drawing?" Nightcloud asked. "Is that…"

"Yeah. Mama lets Star and me watch twoleg shows."

The black host nodded. "I watch twoleg shows all the time! Especially ones on Catalodean. Breezepelt keeps telling me they're for kits, but I don't care."

Tansy sighed from her spot behind the camera. "The next question, Nightcloud?"

"Right," the host meowed, glancing at her notecards. "Question three: What living cat would you like to send to the Dark Forest?"

"Berrynose!" Runningnose hissed. "He's soooo annoying!"

"That's who I was going to say, too," Redtail meowed.

Beetlenose shook his head. "I'd say Sneezekit's mother should go to the Dark Forest just for naming her kit 'Sneezekit.'"

"OMG, that is such a good answer!" Nightcloud cried. "What was wrong with Graymist? And she named her other son Mallowkit! That's so girly!"

"My name is Mallow!" Mallow cried. "Boys shouldn't be named 'Mallow'!"

The host agreed with the kit. "Mallow's right. Graymist isn't good at picking names for her children. Anyway, give a point to Beetlenose!"

The little she-cat drew another tally mark on the board. "Beetlenose has two points, Runningnose has one point, and Redtail has one point!"

"Alrighty, it's time for question four!" Nightcloud announced. "If you could have any mate except for me, who would you choose?"

Runningnose thought for a moment. "Well, I'm a medicine cat, so I shouldn't have any."

"You have to answer the question," the host informed him. "Isn't there some she-cat you like?"

The ShadowClan cat sighed. "Well…to be honest, I always had a crush on my mentor, Yellowfang."

Nightcloud burst out laughing. "Yellowfang?" You like Yellowfang?"

"Maybe," the tom mewed, staring down at the floor.

"I'd pick Mistystar," Beetlenose answered. "She's an awesome leader."

Redtail thought about his answer for a moment. "Brindleface. She was my mate, after all. I still can't believe I didn't get to raise my second litter. That was so sad. We only had one in our first, and I was so looking forward to having more! And then Brindly lost two in our second litter. Life isn't fair."

"That isn't fair," Nightcloud murmured, shaking her head. "What about Ravenpaw and Dustpelt? Their parents died very early in their lives! Robinwing and Fuzzypelt didn't get to see their sons grow up either."

"Oh right, I remember that," Redtail mewed. "They died fighting with RiverClan just before that ginger kittypet joined the Clan. So sad…that was a dark time for ThunderClan."

The host nodded sadly. "I think you deserve the point here, Redtail."

Mallow drew her last tally mark and added up the final score. "Beetlenose has two points, Redtail has two points, and Runningnose has one point!"

"Oh no!" Nightcloud cried. "I'm out of questions and there's a tie!"

Brokenstar padded out onto the stage. "I can take care of that for you," he meowed, whacking Beetlenose with a stuffed purple elephant.

"Hey!" the RiverClan cat cried. "What'd I do to deserve this?"

"You're alive," Brokenstar meowed, continuing to whack him with the toy elephant.

Nightcloud stared at her security guard in quiet fascination. "So…um…I guess Redtail wins."

The deranged ragged tom stopped beating Beetlenose with his toy and turned on Runningnose. "Fear my purple elephant!"


	17. Moonflower, Rainflower, Feathertail

**_(A/N: Well...you asked for 'Win a Date with Brokenstar', so here it is. I'm not sure how many of these I will do, but here's my first attempt. Which unlucky she-cat will win?)_**

_Episode 17: Moonflower, Rainflower, Feathertail_

"Welcome to the incredibly awesome, fabulous, amazing game show- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool meowed, standing on the center of the well-lit stage. "We have an awesome episode for you all today. Oh, and in case you were wondering, Jayfeather is fine now. His head is all bandaged up, but he's just as grumpy as always! Dr. Cinderpelt says that he can be released from the hospital tomorrow. Anyway, here's your host- the cat who's 20% cooler than everyone else in the whole wide world- Nightcloud!"

A ragged-looking tabby tom wearing a purple sweater with a unicorn on it padded out onto the stage and took a seat in Nightcloud's red plush chair. "So who do I get to murder- um, I mean _date_- today?"

The tabby-and-white announcer glared at the security guard. "Brokenstar, get off of Nightcloud's chair! She won't be happy to see you sitting there!"

"Nightcloud isn't here today. She's off visiting Breezepelt and Heathertail to try and convince them for the _millionth _time to give her grandbabies," the tom replied. "So Tansy said we could get some she-cats to compete to win a date with me."

The camera-cat nodded. "I did, Leafpool. Look at your notecard- all the contestants are girls."

Leafpool stared at the pink card. "Oh, I guess they are. Those poor she-cats…anyway, let's all welcome Moonflower, Rainflower, and Feathertail to the show!"

The three she-cats slowly padded onto the stage, flashing timid looks at the deranged security guard. Moonflower took the seat farthest from him, while Rainflower sat in the middle. Feathertail, after heaving a huge sigh, took the green chair closest to Brokenstar.

"It's…um…nice to be here today," the silvery-gray she-cat mewed, trying to be positive.

"All you ladies are just going to _die_ with joy from having the chance to go out with me," Brokenstar meowed, leaning back in his chair to show off his purple-and-unicorn sweater. "Leafy, what are these beautiful she-cats playing for today?"

Leafpool glanced down at her notecard. "Today's prize is taking Nightcloud- I mean Brokenstar- to Shaded Moss's Roadside Diner, a _Thunderpath Death _restaurant."

"Oh, that sounds…lovely," Feathertail meowed, smiling weakly.

"No it doesn't," Rainflower spat. "And who in their right mind would even want to date Brokenstar. He's just going to kill us, whether we win or not."

"Hush you!" Brokenstar growled. "Let's start the game! My first question is: Who is your favorite Dark Forest cat?"

Rainflower answered first. "Mapleshade. She's truly evil. She made my son's life miserable! Isn't that great?"

Feathertail's eyes widened with horror. "Rainflower, that's horrible! My, um, favorite Dark Forest cat is…Hawkfrost, I guess. At least he's cute."

"I think Thistleclaw is the best," Moonflower meowed. "He was cute as a kit, and he really did love my little Snowfur."

"Thistleclaw isn't truly evil," Brokenstar muttered unhappily. "Rainflower gets the point! Mapleshade is awesome…and hot."

Leafpool shook her head, snorting as she turned to draw a pink tally mark next to the she-cat's name. "That's one point for Rainflower- the only mother worse than Millie!"

"Hey! I'm a good mother!" the RiverClan queen hissed. "Haven't you seen my little Oaky? He's wonderful! He became Clan deputy!"

"And your other son became leader," Leafpool meowed, "but I don't see you saying anything nice about him."

Brokenstar rolled his eyes. "Leafy, this show is about me, not Crookedstar! You just stay out of this. Question two: How likely are you to get into StarClan?"

"Well, I'm sweet, kind, caring, and the world's nicest RiverClan cat, so of course I'm in StarClan," Feathertail mewed, batting her eyes sweetly.

"Ugh…you're _too_ nice," Brokenstar mumbled, glaring at the silver she-cat.

Moonflower answered next. "You know all three of us are dead, right? We're all in StarClan!"

The security guard nodded slowly. "Oh yeah. Maybe that wasn't the best question for me to pick. But Rainflower shouldn't be in StarClan, so she gets the point!"

"Hey!" Rainflower spat. "I'm perfect! Haven't you seen my son, Oakheart? I raised him, you know. I deserve to be in StarClan!"

"No you don't," Brokenstar informed her.

Leafpool sighed and made another tally mark next to the RiverClan cat's name. "That makes two points for Rainflower."

"Good," the ragged tom mewed. "Onto question three: What's your favorite book?"

"I like Nightcloud's Awesomesauce Parenting Skills," Moonflower meowed. "It's a great book on how to raise darling, sweet little kits."

Tansy snorted loudly. "Yeah…too bad her son isn't darling _or _sweet."

All three contestants nodded, agreeing with the director. "He is awful, isn't he?" Feathertail said. "Anyway, my favorite book is _Romeo and Juliet_. Isn't Shakespeare wonderful? He truly is a great playwright. That's the best love story ever!"

"Yeah, because a story about two apprentices from different Clans meeting, falling in love, attempting to run away together, and dying all in the matter of a quarter moon is a great love story," Rainflower growled, shaking her head. "That's a dumb romance! My favorite book is How to Murder Your Clan Leader by Tigerstar. I always felt that Hailstar ought to die for making that ugly son of mine deputy!"

Brokenstar's amber eyes widened. "You are sooo mean, Rainflower!" he mewed. "You're even meaner than me! I think I might be in love…"

"I guess that makes three points for the worst mother in the history of the world," Leafpool sighed.

"I don't want to win!" the RiverClan she-cat snarled. "Stop giving me points!"

Brokenstar stared lovingly at the queen. "But you're awesome…anyway, it's time for our final question. On a scale of one to ten, how attractive am I?"

Moonflower studied the tom intently for a moment. "Well, your fur is kind of patchy and your scars are horrid. I think you're a four, five at most."

"Moonflower, that is so rude!" Feathertail cried. "You can't hurt his feelings. That's wrong."

"Stop being nice, weirdo," Rainflower hissed at the younger she-cat. "Brokenstar is only a five or a six. He ain't that attractive."

The silver she-cat shook her head stubbornly. "You're going to make Brokenstar cry! I give him a ten!"

The security guard looked troubled for a moment. "Um…Rainflower's answer did hurt my feelings. I think I have to give Feathertail the point this time." He wiped a tear from his eyes with his fabulous sweater.

"This makes the final score three points for Rainflower, one point for Feathertail, and no points for Moonflower!" Leafpool announced.

"No!" Rainflower screeched. "I refuse to go on a date with Brokenstar!"

"How dare you!" the ragged tom spat. "I am awesome! You should feel honored to date me!"

The RiverClan queen narrowed her eyes. "I will _never_ date you. _Ever_."

"You little possum!" Brokenstar shrieked. "You will pay for your mistake!"

He leaped off of his red chair and grabbed Moonflower, using the ThunderClan she-cat to whack Rainflower.

"Stop! Stop it please!" Moonflower cried, trying to get out of Brokenstar's grasp.

Feathertail watched in horror as the tom continued to use Moonflower to beat up Rainflower. "Brokenstar, violence is never the answer! Love makes the world go 'round!"

The security guard froze mid-whack, dropping Moonflower. "Will _you_ go on a date with me, Feathertail?"

"Yes!" the silver she-cat meowed. "I will do anything to stop violence!"

Brokenstar blinked in surprised, then used his paw to smooth his fur. "Well then…shall we be off? I know this lovely restaurant ran by a cat who was killed by a monster, and he makes delicious milk shakes."

Feathertail smiled sweetly. "I do love milkshakes…"

The camera-cat turned the camera on herself. "Well, I was not expecting that. Then again, I don't know what I was expecting. I guess I'll end the show now before Moonflower and Rainflower sue us for damages…"


	18. Ashfur, Flametail, Brackenfoot

_Episode 18: Ashfur, Flametail, Brackenfoot_

Leafpool spun around the stage wildly, not paying attention to the amused audience. After getting very dizzy, she collapsed onto the stage floor, only then seeing Tansy's confused face staring at her. "Oh…I guess it's time to start the show. Maybe I shouldn't have just drank that frappucino…I have way too much caffeine in me right now. Let's hear it for the host of Win a Date with Nightcloud- yeah, I'm not going to say her name. If you don't know it by now, that's your problem."

Nightcloud padded out onto the stage, reading something on her phone. "So…Feathertail posted on PawBook 'Just had the most amazing date ever. Can't wait to go again. #clearbrokensname #heisinnocent'. What on earth happened on here when I was gone?"

"We did a special episode," the tabby-and-white announcer meowed. "We did 'Win a Date with Brokenstar'. And guess what? Rainflower and Moonflower agreed to settle out of court! All we had to do was pay Rainflower $50,000,000,000 for being whacked by Moonflower and pay Moonflower $90,000,000,000 for being used to whack Rainflower."

"Um, do we even have that much money?"

"No!" Leafpool laughed. "Tansy took it out of Brokenstar's legal defense fund!"

Nightcloud nodded, satisfied with that answer. "So who's playing my game today?"

The announcer glanced at her pink notecard. "Ashfur, Flametail, and Brackenfoot!"

Tansy sighed loudly. "Seriously? I am going to fire both Leafpool and Brokenstar if y'all keeping making my boyfriend compete!"

Ashfur padded out onto the stage with the other two toms. "I'm sorry, Tansy. I can't help it if Brokenstar shows up in my den with ropes and Hello Kitty duct tape. I don't have a choice."

"Well…lose on purpose, then!"

Leafpool smiled at Tansy's grouchiness. "So today's prize is spending a day with Nightcloud at Brightheart's Beauty Salon and Spa, brought to you be _Beauty Heart Co._"

Nightcloud settled into her chair, studying her contestants. "Hm…I've been on a date with Ashfur, and all he does is talk about murdering Squirrelflight, Brackenfoot's really old, and Flametail's kind of cute. I wonder who will win…"

"I'm a medicine cat apprentice!" Flametail informed the she-cat. "You can't go out with me."

"Whatever," the host growled. "I'll date whoever I want to! Question one: Who is the most attractive tom on the planet?"

Brackenfoot narrowed his eyes. "Why are you asking us that? We're toms!"

Nightcloud shrugged. "Because I can. Answer the question."

"Fine," the ShadowClan warrior sighed. "Um…Cedarstar, I guess. I don't know. That's just the first name that came to mind."

Ashfur looked confused. "I know what the correct answer is, so I'm not going to say his name. Um…Redtail, my dad, is the most attractive tom."

"I thought the answer was Berrynose," Flametail mewed, staring at the host.

The black she-cat nodded. "It is. Ashfur's just trying to lose so Tansy doesn't hurt him with her collection of cinderblocks."

Leafpool stopped her doodle of a shark to glance over at her new best friend. "So Flametail gets the point, right?"

"Yep. He had the right answer."

"Flametail has one point!" the scorekeeper meowed, going back to her shark drawing.

Nightcloud shuffled her stack of pink cards. "Question two: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?"

Brackenfoot answered first. "Well, I like my name as it is…but if I changed it, it would be to Henry."

"Why?" the host asked.

"Cuz Henry VIII was the best king ever!" Brackenfoot replied.

Flametail shook his head slowly. "That's weird. And wrong. Richard III was the best king. Anyway, I would change my name to Ginger Snap because I'm ginger and ginger snaps are my favorite cookies!"

Ashfur thought for a moment before answering. "I would change my name to Mr. Revenge! I _will_ get revenge on Squirrelflight for dumping me!"

"You all are weird," Nightcloud meowed. "Um…I think I'll give Brackenfoot and Flametail a point. Henry VIII is an awesome king, but so is Richard III."

"You do realize we're cats, right?" Leafpool asked, drawing her tally marks. "Why do you know so much twoleg stuff?"

The host shrugged. "I watch the Education Channel. That's why I'm so smart. Question three: What is your latest crush's name?"

Ashfur answered first. "Tansy, of course. I love you, Tansy! Don't make me clean the den roof during a tornado again if I win!"

"Maybe your girlfriend is insane," Flametail meowed.

"I am not!" Tansy growled from her place behind the camera. "And the den needed fixing! It isn't my fault there just _had_ to be a tornado at the exact moment I forced Ashfur to patch it up."

The ginger ShadowClan cat turned back to Nightcloud. "My latest crush is Kinkfur. She may be odd-looking, but she has a nice personality."

Brackenfoot pondered the question for a moment. "There were many delightful ShadowClan ladies back in my day…Hollyflower, Rowanberry, Yellowfang-"

"AHHHH!" Brokenstar screeched, flying at the ShadowClan tom. "How dare you have a crush on my mommy! She belongs with Raggedstar!"

The contestant struggled to move out of the security guard, but was too slow. Brokenstar began violently whacking Brackenfoot with a can of hairspray.

Nightcloud watched the whacking with amusement. "Isn't Brokenstar great?"

The slightly insane tom hit Brackenfoot a little too hard with the hairspray, knocking him unconscious. Turning to face the audience, Brokenstar meowed, "Flametail wins the round, Ashfur needs to buy roses for Tansy, and I need to do a segment of 'Doing Stuff to Toms While They're Unconscious.'

"Yay! I love roses!" Tansy cried, dropping her camera.

"Yay! I love Brightheart's Beauty Salon!" Nightcloud cried, hugging Flametail.

"Yay! I love violence!" Brokenstar cried, still beating Brackenfoot with the can of hairspray.


	19. Firestar, Blackstar, Fallen Leaves

**_(A/N: Okay, okay, I know I messed up in the last episode. I forgot to double check Brackenfoot's wikia page before putting the episode up. I completely forgot that Rowanberry and Yellowfang were his daughters. Oops. Hehe. Let's just overlook that, okay? Okay. Tansy messed up. She is very embarrassed and promised it won't happen again. Maybe. It was kind of funny, though.)_**

_Episode 19: Firestar, Blackstar, Fallen Leaves_

"So who loves 'Doing Stuff to Toms While They're Unconscious'?" Leafpool asked. "I know I do! Anyway, this time Brokenstar put Brackenfoot in his pink sparkly sweater, put a tiara on his head, and then dressed himself as a handsome prince and took pictures of the two of them together. Brackenfoot was quite embarrassed and promised never to talk about his crush on Yellowfang again! As it turns out, Yellowfang and Rowanberry are actually his daughters! Who knew? Yeah…Brightflower isn't too happy with Brackenfoot right now. Now let's bring Nightcloud out for another brilliant episode of Win a Date with- well, you know who it is."

Nightcloud padded onto the stage, flashing the audience a lovely smile. "Hello! Welcome to the best show on ClanTV! Who watched the Catalodean Kits Choice Awards? I did! I was so happy that Stormkit won best actor for his role on The Suite Life of Oak and Stormy and that Sunpaw won best actress for her role on iSunny!"

"Aren't you a little too old to watch the Catalodean Kits Choice Awards?" the announcer asked.

"No!" the host huffed, sitting down on her red chair. "Just tell everyone who our hostages are today!"

Leafpool sighed. "We aren't supposed to let the viewers know that our contestants are held hostage backstage! Oh well…please welcome Firestar, Blackstar, and Fallen Leaves to the show!"

The three toms padded out onto the stage. Firestar gave Nightcloud a serious glare. "You hold the other toms hostage? Do I need to call my police force? Firestar's Police Force of Morality will shut you down!"

The announcer shoved her way in between the host and the angry contestant. "There isn't any need to do that, Father," Leafpool mewed sweetly. "Let's just play the game! Today's prize is a date at Flametail's Ice Skating Rink, brought to you by _Don't Break the Ice_ _Inc._"

Nightcloud nodded. "Besides, Firestar, we don't lock anyone in steel cages, starve them, or poke them with llamas. I promise! Here's the first question: What's your favorite Disney song?"

Firestar rolled his eyes. "Don't think my police force won't be investigating this studio! We must be good and moral cats!"

"Just answer the question!"

The ginger tom snorted, glaring the host. "Fine. My favorite Disney song is 'I Won't Say I'm in Love' from _Hercules_, because I won't say I'm in love with Leopardstar."

"That's my favorite song, too!" Blackstar exclaimed. "Cuz I won't say I'm in love with my secret mate!"

"Everyone knows you love Russetfur!" Firestar cried. "It's not a secret!"

Fallen Leaves gave the other two toms a strange look. "Well, my favorite song is 'One of Us' from _The Meowing King 2_. Kovu is just the best movie character ever!"

Nightcloud nodded. "Yes he is! Leafy, give a point to Fallen Leaves!"

"Fallen Leaves has a point!" Leafpool meowed, doodling a picture of her grandbabies laughing at Nightcloud for not having grandbabies.

The host stared at her scorekeeper's picture. "Sometimes I don't know why we're friends…oh well. Question two: Do you like pie?"

"Who doesn't like pie?" Blackstar gasped. "Pie is amazing!"

"Probably Firestar," Fallen Leaves muttered. "Firestar doesn't like waffles, so why would he like pie?"

"Hey!" the ginger tom cried. "Just because I don't like waffles doesn't mean I don't like pie!"

Blackstar raised his eyes. "Do you?"

Firestar stared down at the floor. "…no."

"Isn't Firestar lame?" Nightcloud asked. "Leafy, points for Blackstar and Fallen Leaves!"

"Fallen Leaves now has two points, Blackstar has one point, and my embarrassment of a father has no points!"

The ThunderClan leader glared at his daughter. "Where did I go wrong with you?"

"This is not the time to reevaluate your parenting skills, Firestar," Nightcloud meowed. "Anyway, let's press forth. Question three: What does 'LOL' stand for?"

"I know that!" Fallen Leaves meowed. "It means 'laugh out loud'!"

Firestar nodded. "That's right."

"No it isn't!" Blackstar argued. "It means 'Lots of Love'. I have lots of love for Russetfur! LOL!"

Nightcloud burst out laughing, nearly falling out of her chair. "That's incorrect, but it's really funny! Leafy!"

The tabby-and-white scorekeeper sighed. "I know, I know. Blackstar gets the point. That makes the scores two points for Fallen Leaves, two points for Blackstar, and zero points for my father."

"Excellent! A tie!" Nightcloud mewed happily. "We have time for one more question. On a scale of one to ten, how annoying is Starkit?"

"Ten billion!" Fallen Leaves exclaimed. "She's the most annoying character ever! She drives me insane!"

Firestar and Blackstar were shaking their heads. "She isn't that annoying," the ginger ThunderClan leader meowed. "I used to be in love with her before I remembered she was my great-granddaughter. I'd put her at a two or three for annoying-ness."

"Well, I'd give her a zero!" Blackstar cried. "She's the only one I love more than Russetfur!"

Nightcloud narrowed her eyes. "I'm not sure who to give the point to."

"I'd say Blackstar," Leafpool suggested. "Maybe if Russetfur actually likes Blackstar she'd be jealous if you went on a date with him."

"That works for me!" the host mewed.

The scorekeeper updated her whiteboard. "The final score is three points for Blackstar, two points for Fallen Leaves, and nothing for my father!"

Firestar stood up from his chair. "Fine by me. I've got to call my police force of morality."

"Brokenstar, get out here and knock Firestar out!" Nightcloud called. "We need him to not remember what we do to toms here!"

The security guard padded out onto the stage, glaring at the ginger tom. "How dare you think locking toms in steel cages, starving them, and poking them with llamas and/or sticks is immoral!" he growled, whacking Firestar with Leafpool's mouse autographed by Justin Bieber.

"Hey! My mouse!" the tabby-and-white she-cat cried. "Brokenstar, you're ruining my mouse!"

Nightcloud did nothing to stop Brokenstar from destroying the autographed mouse. Instead, she held up a sign for all the audience to read. What did the sign read? 'Vote 'Win a Date with Nightcloud' for Best Television Game Show.' The Warriors Choice Awards are just around the corner, after all.


	20. Pinestar, Tigerstar, Tigerheart

_Episode 20: Pinestar, Tigerstar, Tigerheart_

"Welcome to every Dark Forest cat's favorite game show- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool meowed. "That's right- every Dark Forest cat loves this show! Even Mapleshade! Now here's your host- the beautiful, loyal, darling Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat padded out onto the stage, flashing her announcer a confused look. "How do you know every Dark Forest cat loves our show? Aren't they too evil to enjoy innocent humor and happiness?"

"I don't know," Leafpool shrugged. "Brokenstar just said that every one of his prison buddies loves our show, so it must be true."

"Fair enough," Nightcloud nodded, taking her seat.

The tabby-and-white announcer glanced down at a pink notecard. "Today our lovely prisoners are Pinestar, Tigerstar, and Tigerheart!"

The three toms strolled out onto the stage. Tigerstar was glaring daggers at Pinestar as he sat down in the chair closest to the host. Tigerheart wisely took the middle chair.

"Let's get this show over with," Tigerstar hissed. "I need to teach my grandson how to murder his great-grandfather."

Nightcloud's eyes widened. "Well…let's hear what you're playing for first."

"Today's prize is a date with the lovely host to Papa Stonefur's Pizzeria- brought to you by Stonefur, maker of authentic Italian-style pizza without an ounce of evil!" Leafpool meowed.

"No evil?" Tigerstar growled. "Then I don't want it. Besides, didn't my deputy kill that guy already?"

The host glared at her guest. "Blackstar and Stonefur are working out their differences. Now let's start the game. Question one: What is your favorite brand of glitter?"

Pinestar answered first. "Princess's Pretty Sparkles of Kittypet Joy! That glitter is so sparkly!"

Tigerheart shook his head. "No no…Sunstar's Sunshiny Glitter of Joy and Sunshine is the best!"

"My grandson is such a disappointment!" Tigerstar muttered. "And so is my father! The best glitter is Mapleshade's Shady Glitter of Darkness and Bitterness."

"Um…what color is that glitter, exactly?" Nightcloud asked.

"Black and red!" the dark tabby tom meowed. Sighing happily, he added, "Red…the color of blood…my favorite."

The host shook her head angrily. "That's a horrible sounding glitter! Leafy, give Tigerheart a point!"

Leafpool drew a pink tally mark by the young tom's name. "We have one point for Tigerheart!"

"Disappointment!" Tigerstar spat, whacking his grandson with a purple toothbrush.

"Let's move on to question two," Nightcloud meowed. "If you could change your name, what would you change it to?"

The former ShadowClan leader gave the host a sharp glare. "I'm pretty sure I've answered that before. My name would be Mr. Evil Guy of Awesomeness and Evil."

Pinestar thought about his answer for a moment. "I think I would name myself Pepper. Isn't that a cute name for a cute kittypet like me?"

"I hate you, Dad!" Tigerstar spat, trying to reach over Tigerheart to whack the tom with his toothbrush.

"I'd name myself Dovewing's Number One Tom!" Tigerheart cried, ducking out of his grandfather's way. "Grandpa, stop beating great-grandpa with your little purple toothbrush!"

Nightcloud laughed at Tigerheart's struggle. "This is funny. Who knew having all three of these guys on at the same time would work out so well? Leafy, give Tigerheart another point!"

"That makes two points for Tigerheart, zero points for Pinestar and Tigerstar!"

The host nodded happily. "Good. Now let's get to question three: Where would you take me on a date?"

"I'd take you to my housefolks' place for cream and Fancy Feast turkey!" Pinestar answered.

Tigerstar sighed angrily. "I hate my dad so much!"

"Yeah…and I love my son sooooo much," the ThunderClan leader growled, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

The dark brown villain sent his father a mutinous look before answering Nightcloud's question. "I would obviously take you to Brokenstar's House of Villains to work on our next plan for total world domination!"

The ragged security guard's eyes widened. "Tigerstar, you aren't supposed to talk about that!" he gasped. "We can't let Firestar's Police Force of Morality find out about my secret club or I'll go back to prison!"

Tigerheart gave his grandfather a confused look. "I thought Mama told you to stop going there, anyway. Don't you ever listen to your daughter?"

"No!" the tabby hissed. "Both of my daughters refused to be evil! They're failures!"

The younger warrior shrugged. "I'm not evil, and _I'm_ not a failure. Anyway, I'd take _Dovewing _on a date to Lake Territories Cinema to see _Snow Frogs_."

"Tigerheart, you're supposed to say where you would take _me_ on a date!" Nightcloud whined.

"But I love Dovewing- not you!"

The host snorted, tossing her head angrily. "Maybe I should get Dovewing out here to tell you how much she doesn't love you. Leafy, Pinestar gets a point this time!"

Leafpool drew a tally mark by the kittypet's name. "Tigerheart's still in the lead with two points, and Pinestar has one point!"

"We have time for one last question," Nightcloud meowed. "What's your favorite book?"

Pinestar shifted in his chair. "I love The Kittypet Handbook by Princess. She explains how to be the perfect kittypet. It's a lovely read. By the way, have you ever thought about being a kittypet? It's so much better than living in the wild and starving and watching your son turn out to be a failure and-"

"I AM NOT A FAILURE!" Tigerstar screeched, leaping out of his chair and onto Pinestar. "You are the worst dad ever! You didn't even care when my sisters died! You didn't care about Mommy at all! I hate you! Even nice cats like Firestar are better than you!"

"Son, get off of me this instant or you'll be grounded!"

The tabby warrior shook his head. "You don't have the right to ground me! Only Mommy can ground me and she's not here!"

"Leopardfoot would be very disappointed in you, young man. Do you want to make your mother cry?"

Tigerstar stopped trying to beat up his dad with a toothbrush. His eyes widened as he realized what he had done. "Mommy!" he sobbed. "I'm so sorry! I'll never hurt anyone again!"

"What a mama's boy!" Tigerheart mewed. "And this guy is one of the biggest villains ever?"

"Supposedly," Nightcloud replied.

Tansy interrupted Tigerstar's crying. "Nightcloud, we've ran out of time. You need to announce the winner now."

"Oh. Um…Tigerheart's the winner!"

Brokenstar padded out onto the stage and began whacking Tigerstar with a bunny-shaped balloon. "This is for exposing my secret club to the world! And for being a mama's boy!"

"You're an even bigger mama's boy!" Tigerstar spat, whacking Brokenstar with his pretty purple toothbrush.

"Well, you're dead!" the security guard screeched, whacking the villain with a large potato hard enough to knock him out.

Nightcloud snickered as she turned to face the camera. "There you have it, folks. The two biggest villains the Clans have ever seen are both massive mama's boys. Ain't that embarrassing or what?"


	21. Sparrowpelt, Blackstar, Onestar

_Episode 21: Sparrowpelt, Blackstar, Onestar_

"So who wants to know what happened to Tigerstar after the end of the last show?" a tabby-and-white she-cat asked. "You all do, right? Well, on the latest edition of 'Doing Stuff to Toms while They're Unconscious', Brokenstar put Tigerstar in his sparkly pink sweater, Tigerheart sprinkled him with Sunstar's Sunshiny Glitter of Joy and Sunshine, and then his daughters showed up, made him pretty purple fairy wings, and took tons of pictures of him. The pics are all over PawBook with the caption 'FAILURE'. Tawnypelt and Mothwing say their father is the biggest failure of all, not them. Aren't they sweet?"

Nightcloud padded out onto the stage and climbed in her red plush chair. "I love how mean we are to toms on this show. As long as Firestar never finds out the truth about what we do, I say we keep abusing them!"

Leafpool nodded, agreeing with the host. "That is the greatest idea ever. Now onto the best game show on TV- Win a Date with Nightcloud! Our contestants today are Sparrowpelt, Blackstar, and Onestar!"

"Wait…there are two Sparrowpelts," the black host meowed, sending her announcer a confused look. "Do you mean the one from SkyClan or the one from ThunderClan that changed his name to Halftail?"

"I think this one is from SkyClan," Leafpool meowed. "Anyway, let's all give some enthusiastic applause for today's victims!"

The three toms padded out onto the stage, Blackstar looking as handsome and wonderful as always. The white ShadowClan cat took the chair closest to the host, while the WindClan leader took the middle chair and Sparrowpelt took the chair on the end.

"I'm from SkyClan," the dark brown tabby clarified. "I've still got all of my tail!"

Blackstar settled into his chair, sending the host a cheerful glance. "It is wonderful being on this show! This is one of my favorite things to do. Well, this and annoy my deputy. Pranking Rowanclaw is great fun!"

Nightcloud smiled. "I'm sure it is. Pranking, hurting, beating, and destroying toms is one of my favorite hobbies, too."

"Same here," Leafpool agreed. "Anyway, today our lovely contestants are playing for a great prize- taking Nightcloud to Goldenflower's 'Forever in Love' Café!"

"Oh dear, is she still in love with Tigerstar?" the host mewed. "I don't know why she won't break up with him. He did cheat on her with that rogue…"

Blackstar nodded. "Toms really should be faithful to their mates. I'm faithful to my secret mate!"

Nightcloud rolled her eyes. "Sure you are, Blackie. Now onto the questions…Who is the most attractive tom on the planet?"

Sparrowpelt looked confused. "Why would any of us have an opinion on that? We're toms, in case you hadn't noticed!"

"I don't care about that," the host meowed. "Surely you think some tom is attractive. Besides, there's only one right answer."

"Well…I don't know," the SkyClan cat mewed. "Billystorm? Sharpclaw?"

Onestar answered next. "I know who the most attractive tom is. It's Firestar!"

Nightcloud narrowed her eyes. "I thought you two hated each other now?"

"I can still think he's attractive!"

Blackstar studied his glossy black paws. "I am _obviously_ the most attractive tom. That's why all the she-cats love me! Even my secret mate can't keep her love for me hidden!"

Tansy sighed loudly, interrupting the show. "Someday I'm going to bring Russetfur on the show and have her tell you how she feels about all this 'secret mate' stuff."

The host laughed. "You should do that! I'd love to see how mad Russetfur is about all those times he's mentioned her on PawBook and Twitter. Anyway, give Blackstar a point. The answer was Berrynose, but I like Blackie too."

"Blackstar has a point!" Leafpool meowed, drawing a tally mark next to the tom's name with her pink marker.

"Alright, now for question two. If StarClan ordered you to kill me, would you do it?"

Sparrowpelt's eyes widened with horror. "Okay, I know I'm new to this whole 'StarClan' business, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't ask me to kill anyone!"

Nightcloud shrugged. "Just answer the question. Don't think about the lack of logic in it."

"Well, then I guess I would say yes," the tabby tom meowed. "If StarClan said to kill you, then I would."

Onestar shook his head. "No, I wouldn't kill a member of my own Clan! You're a good warrior, even though you gave WindClan one of the worst traitors in the history of our Clan…"

"My baby _is not_ a traitor!" the she-cat growled, glaring at her leader.

Blackstar answer last. "I would never kill you, Nightcloud! You're almost as awesome as my secret mate!"

Nightcloud turned away from glaring at Onestar to nod at the ShadowClan tom. "Thank you, Blackie. Leafy, give him another point."

"Shouldn't Onestar get a point too?" Leafpool asked. "He did have the right answer."

"Fine" the host sighed. "Give him a point."

The scorekeeper nodded and drew the tally marks. "The score is two points for Blackstar, one point for Onestar, and no points for Sparrowpelt!"

"Question three," Nightcloud began. "What are your reasons to hate Crowfeather?"

"Who's Crowfeather?" Sparrowpelt asked.

The she-cat snorted unhappily. "Only the worst mate in the entire world!"

Leafpool gasped from her place beside the whiteboard. "Nighty! Don't say that! Crowykins is wonderful!"

"Not to me, he wasn't."

Sparrowpelt still looked confused. "Well, I still have no clue who that is. I guess I'll hate him because I don't know him."

Blackstar replied next. "I hate Crowfeather because he's rude to such a marvelous, beautiful, wonderful she-cat! He doesn't know how to treat a lady. Nightcloud is great!"

"Thank you, Blackie," the she-cat mewed sweetly.

"Well, I have a ton of reasons to hate Crowfeather," Onestar hissed. "One, he ran away from our Clan to go on some journey, and I heard he fell in love with a RiverClan cat while he was gone! Two, he fell in love with a medicine cat, ran away with her, and got her pregnant! Talk about disloyalty! Three, he only took Nightcloud as his mate so he could regain the Clan's trust! He never loved her at all. He used her! And he produced…that _monster_."

"My son is not a monster!" Nightcloud cried.

"And don't say anything bad about my Crowykins!" Leafpool spat.

Blackstar sent the host a sympathetic look. "Onestar is a jerk, isn't he? So is Crowfeather."

The WindClan leader shook his head. "Crowfeather is awful! Breezepelt is awful! I hate them both!"

"DON'T INSULT MY SON, YOU BADGER!" Nightcloud screeched, leaping at Onestar.

"DON'T INSULT MY MATE, YOU BADGER!" Leafpool screeched, leaping at Onestar.

Tansy stared at the three fighting cats in shock. "Brokenstar, get out here!" she cried. "Nightcloud and Leafpool are trying to kill Onestar!"

The security guard padded out onto the stage. "Nighty, Leafy, let's not kill Onestar. That's not your job."

"But he insulted Breezy-baby!"

"But he insulted Crowykins!"

Brokenstar nodded understandingly. "It's alright. I'll deal with this loser." He reached under one of the green plush chairs and pulled out one of his hidden random items. With great force, the security guard whacked Onestar with a sign that read 'Don't Read Starkit's Prophecy'.

"Hey, stop!" Onestar cried. "I can say what I want about my warriors! Crowfeather and Breezepelt are horrible!"

"You do not insult Nighty's son or Leafy's mate on this show!" Brokenstar spat. "Now die, you badger! Die! Die! Die!"

The camera-cat quickly turned the camera on herself. "Um, this is the end of this episode, folks. Blackstar finishes with three points, so he is the winner! Tune in next time to see whether Brokenstar ends up in Smiley Dayz Insane Asylum for the Criminally Insane for beating up Onestar!"


	22. Cloudstar, Sunstar, Jayfeather

_Episode 22: Cloudstar, Sunstar, Jayfeather_

"Welcome back to the best game show on earth- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool meowed. "I'm sure you're all wondering if Onestar died at the end of last week's show. Well, he didn't. Firestar's Police Force of Morality showed up and saved him. Brokenstar, on the other paw, had to spend a few days at Smiley Dayz Insane Asylum for the Criminally Insane. He's back now, though. Now here's your host- Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat padded onto the stage. "Thank goodness Firestar didn't find out about all the things we do backstage, or we'd all have been locked up after the last episode! Seriously though, we need to keep Firestar from hearing all the _sweet_ things we do for our contestants."

The tabby-and-white announcer glanced at her pink notecard. "Well, that might be kind of a challenge. That one cat who's always complaining about how we treat him is back today."

"Not Cloudstar?!"

Leafpool nodded. "Yep. I wonder what he'll complain about today. Anyway, please welcome Cloudstar, Sunstar, and my baby-boy to the show!"

Jayfeather led the other two toms onto the stage. "Mother," he groaned. "Please don't embarrass me today!"

Cloudstar looked equally annoyed. "You know what you gave me to eat while I was in that cage? Nothing! And that stick Leafpool poked me with was even sharper than it was last time! _And_ when Brokenstar yanked the duct tape off of me, it ripped out some of my gorgeous fur!"

"Quit complaining," Nightcloud growled. "You're just lucky you're alive."

"Yes you are," Leafpool agreed. "So today's prize is taking Nightcloud to Rosetail's Flower Emporium, brought to you by _Sweet Flowers Inc._"

"Oooo flowers!" Sunstar mewed. "I love flowers! Especially yellow ones cuz they're sunshiny bright like me!"

The host laughed. "Yes…just like you. Now let's start the show! The first question is: What StarClan cat deserves to be in the Dark Forest?"

Sunstar answered first. "I do believe Pinestar should be. I don't know why he's in StarClan. Darn tom abandons his Clan and his children without a care, yet he's still considered a 'good' cat? Not fair."

"I'd say all four of the other Clan leaders who wouldn't share their territory with me," Cloudstar grumbled. "Sharing is caring, you know! I also think Nightcloud and Leafpool ought to go to the Dark Forest when they die for abusing all the toms who appear on this show!"

"Oh, Cloudy, shut up. You've got nothing to complain about," Jayfeather muttered. "At least no one tried to kill you and still ended up in StarClan!"

A sharp cough sounded from in front of the stage. "Jayfeather," Tansy growled, "I'm warning you. Don't say who I think you'll say belongs in the Dark Forest."

"Well he does!" the blind tom hissed. "He tried to murder Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, and me! I don't even blame my sister for wanting him dead!"

Tansy narrowed her eyes. "Don't make me hurt you!"

Nightcloud gave a nervous laugh, glancing cautiously at the director. "Well then, let's just move on. I think Sunstar and Cloudstar get the points here."

"Sunstar and Cloudstar both have a point!" Leafpool meowed, drawing the tally marks by their names.

"Good. Now let's get to question two," the host meowed, glancing at her next pink notecard. "What is your favorite ice cream shop?"

Cloudstar tipped his head to one side, thinking. "Hm…I like the _Ice Cloud. _It's ran by Icecloud, and she makes the best ice cream ever! Her vanilla is so rich and creamy, and don't get me started on her Blueberry Bonanza…"

"I like _Snowfur's Snowy Cream of Dreams_," Sunstar answered. "Have you had her brownie batter ice cream? It's delicious! So is her chocolate chip- robin flavored ice cream."

Jayfeather should his head. "You're both wrong! The best ice cream shop is _Icy Queen._ It's ran by Daisy and her kits. Her mango-mouse ice cream is incredible! My favorite flavor is Sparrow Surprise, though. The surprise is that it's made with sparrow _and _swallow."

Nightcloud sighed dreamily. "All of those sound so good! I can't pick a favorite. Leafy, give all of our boys a point!"

"That means Cloudstar and Sunstar both have two points, while my little angel has one!"

"Mom!"

Leafpool rolled her eyes, sighing loudly. "Jaykins, I can call you whatever I want to! You'll always be my baby!"

"Not when I'm on TV!"

Nightcloud laughed at Jayfeather's growing anger. "It's okay, 'Jaykins', I still call your half-brother cutesy names too. Now onto question three: Who is your favorite singer?"

"Hawkfrost!" Sunstar meowed instantly. "Have you heard his rendition of 'Sweater Weather'? He has the most amazing voice ever! He has so much talent he doesn't need auto-tune or even his own instruments! Mapleshade, on the other paw, sounds like a dying walrus when she sings."

"I _meant_ 'who's your favorite twoleg singer'," Nightcloud informed her contestant.

Cloudstar nodded seriously. "I think my favorite singer is Justin Bieber. I may not approve of his actions, but he is very talented. I like to sing 'Boyfriend' when I'm around pretty she-cats." His eyes suddenly widened. "But don't tell Birdflight! I'm not cheating on her- I swear!"

Jayfeather shook his head at Cloudstar's outburst. "She left you, Cloudy. Get over her!" The blind tom then turned to Nightcloud to answer the question. "My favorite singer is Ariana Grande. Her song 'Piano' is awesome, but 'Popular Song' is my favorite. I'm mega-super-popular!"

"Wow…" Nightcloud meowed. "Mega-super-popular? Really?"

"I have _all_ the fangirls," the tom nodded. "Except for the weird ones that like Hawkfrost, Scourge, and Blackstar."

"I like Blackstar!" the host meowed. "And I'm not weird!"

Leafpool paused her doodling of a cat on a trampoline to glance at the host. "Who gets the point? I say my son should because Ariana is the best singer ever!"

Nightcloud thought for a moment. "But I like Justin Bieber too…I'll give Jayfeather and Cloudstar a point!"

The scorekeeper nodded and updated her whiteboard. "The score is now three points for Cloudstar, two points for Sunstar and Jayfeather!"

"We have time for one more question!" the host meowed. "Here it is: Which of the six cats that traveled to the sundrown place is your favorite?"

"Feathertail!" Jayfeather meowed instantly. "I mean, I can't pick Squirrelflight because I hate her. Brambleclaw's not my father, so I don't care about him anymore. I'm _certainly_ not going to pick my real father…but Feathertail's kind of cool. And I heard she was cute."

"Don't you dare mention that name!" Leafpool screeched, whacking her son with her pink marker. "Her name is never to be mentioned around me! Death to Feathertail!"

Nightcloud rolled her eyes. "She's already dead!"

Cloudstar answered next. "Hm…I think Brambleclaw is the best. He's got a good head on his shoulders."

"Same here," Sunstar meowed. "He has real leadership potential."

"Good answers!" Nightcloud meowed. "I think I'll give Jayfeather a point, though. Mostly just to make his mother mad."

Leafpool snorted and angrily updated the scores. "Cloudstar has three points. I hate Feathertail. Sunstar has two points. I hate Feathertail. Jayfeather has three points. I hate Feathertail."

"Mom, let it go!" Jayfeather hissed. "Dad only had a little crush on her! He never loved her like he loves you!"

While Leafpool was sulking because of her jealousy issues, Nightcloud stared in horror at the whiteboard. "Oh no! There's a tie!"

Brokenstar padded over to the crowd of cats. "I can fix that. Jayfeather made his mother mad, and that just won't do." The security guard whacked the gray tom violently with a Justin Bieber CD, knocking Jayfeather out of his chair.

"Mom, do something!" he cried.

Leafpool grabbed a violin that was for some reason under one of the plush green chairs. "You mentioned Feathertail- or 'she who must not be named'. Now you must be punished!" She then began whacking her son with the violin.

Nightcloud watched the beat down with amusement shining in her green eyes. "So Brokenstar is whacking Jayfeather with a CD while Leafpool is whacking Jayfeather with a violin. This is funny!"

"Does somebody get whacked on every episode?" Cloudstar asked.

"Pretty much," the host responded. "Though usually Leafpool doesn't join in."

"That's it!" the SkyClan tom hissed. "This time I'm calling my lawyer for real! This show is just too abusive!"

Nightcloud quickly jumped out of her chair and placed a paw on Cloudstar. "But Cloudy," she mewed sweetly, batting her obviously-fake eyelashes, "you won. Wouldn't you like to go buy some flowers with me instead of calling Clear Sky?"

Cloudstar glared at the she-cat for a moment, and then he shrugged. "Sure. Fine. Clear Sky's a grump, anyway."

Tansy smiled and turned the camera on herself. "That's it for this show, folks! Now I'm going to help Brokenstar and Leafpool beat up Jayfeather! No one says Ashy belongs in the Dark Forest and gets away with it!"


	23. Pinestar, Vinetail, Oakheart

_Episode 23: Pinestar, Vinetail, Oakheart_

"Welcome to the greatest show that's ever been made!" Leafpool meowed. "Oh, and if you saw the last episode, no, I didn't murder my son. I stopped once Hollyleaf got here and threatened to poison me again if I didn't stop whacking Jayfeather with a violin. My daughter's kind of rude. I don't know where I went wrong with her…"

"I think the whole 'giving her and her littermates up, letting them live in a lie, not letting them know who their parents are' kind of was where you went wrong with her," Nightcloud replied, padding out onto the stage. "You aren't exactly 'Mother of the Year' material."

The tabby-and-white announcer narrowed her amber eyes. "Am too!" she huffed.

The host shook her head. "Nope. Now just announce who our victims are today."

Leafpool studied her pink notecard. "Today's contestants are Pinestar, Vinetail, and Oakheart!"

"Who's Vinetail?"

"Don't know," the announcer shrugged. "Never heard of him."

The three toms padded onto the stage. Pinestar took the green plush chair closest to the host and Oakheart sat in the middle.

A tom with an unknown description sat down on the end. "I'm the former ThunderClan deputy," he meowed.

"When was that?" Nightcloud asked. "The nineteenth century?"

"No! It was only like fifty…ninety years ago," Vinetail replied. "I think I was deputy in the nineteen-twenties. Or maybe it was the thirties…"

The host shrugged. "So you're historical. Leafy, what are these boys playing for today?"

"Today's prize is taking Nightcloud to Oakheart's Sunningrocks Café, brought to you by-"

"I know who it's brought to you by!" Oakheart growled, cutting her off. "That's my restaurant! That means if I win I have to take Nightcloud to my own place? I have to do all the cooking?"

Nightcloud nodded. "Yep. Now let's start the show! Question one: If you had to open a business, what kind of business would it be?"

Pinestar answered first. "I would open a 'Kittypet Supply Co', so you warriors could get all your supplies when you finally wise up and decide to be a kittypet. You could get collars, leashes, tags, comfy beds, catnip mice…ah, the wonderful world of catnip mice."

"Well, I would start ThunderClan's first police force!" Vinetail answered. "We needed one long before Firestar was around. I say I should open one up right next to the ShadowClan border to keep Brindlestar, Lakestorm, and all those other pesky ShadowClan cats out of my territory!"

"More cats I don't remember…" Nightcloud murmured. "Wait. Aren't they in the _Clan History_ textbook we had to read as apprentices? The one that explained how each rule of the Warrior Code was formed?"

Vinetail nodded. "Yep. Brindlestar and my leader, Whitestar, had a fight because Brindlestar's cats were hunting in our territory, so StarClan sent a sign telling them to keep within their own borders."

"Ugh, we don't need a history lesson on a game show!" Oakheart groaned. "If I were to open a business I would open a daycare. That way my little Stoney-boy, Misty-love, and Mossy-princess could have a happy kit-hood _and _Bluestar could have been deputy."

Nightcloud sighed dreamily. "That sounds so sweet, Oakheart. You're such a good parent."

Leafpool paused her doodling of a cactus to glance at the host. "Does that mean Oakheart gets the point?"

"It sure does!"

"Then Oakheart has one point, nothing for Pinestar and Vinetail!"

The host shuffled her stack of notecards. "Question two: Do you prefer the forest territory or the lake territory?"

"Forest territory!" Vinetail meowed instantly. "I came from back in the day when cats didn't trespass on others' territories, no one had forbidden loves, medicine cats didn't have kits…y'all move to the lake and the Warrior Code moves to the trash!"

"You know medicine cats had kits back then too, right?" Nightcloud asked. "Forbidden loves happened as well."

The ThunderClan deputy shook his head. "No! Besides, if they did break the Warrior Code, they'd have been punished for it! These Clans today are weak!"

Pinestar rolled his eyes. "I think they're all too strong. If everyone would just be a kittypet like me, the world would be a better place. I don't prefer either territory, but a nice warm house instead."

"Well, I prefer the forest territory," Oakheart meowed. "That's where my mother, father, mate, and two of my children died. That's where my heart belongs."

"Aw…" Nightcloud mewed. "Oakheart, you really are wonderful."

The scorekeeper took the hint and updated her whiteboard. "Oakheart has two points! Still nothing for Pinestar or Vinetail!"

"Moving on to question three!" the host meowed. "Who is- or was- your favorite leader, deputy, or medicine cat?"

"Do I count?" Vinetail asked. "I was a great deputy."

"And I was a great leader," Pinestar meowed.

"And I was a great deputy," Oakheart responded.

Nightcloud's right eye twitched uncomfortably. "Are you all conceited, thinking you're the best? Pinestar, you're a horrible leader, so you don't count. No one who abandons their mate and kits gets to call himself a good leader."

"Being a kittypet is more important than being a parent!"

Suddenly a black she-cat, a dark brown tabby tom, and two tiny kits ran up onto the stage.

"You monster!" the she-cat screeched. "How dare you say being a kittypet is more important than being a parent!"

Pinestar's eyes widened with horror. "Oh…Leopardfoot…hi. How are little Mistkit and Nightkit? Doing well, I see?"

"I hate you, Daddy!" Mistkit cried.

"I hate you, Daddy!" Nightkit yowled.

"I hate you more than any kit has ever hated their father!" Tigerstar howled.

Leopardfoot nodded. "See, Pinestar? Our kits all hate you! I hate you!"

"Well, now," the tom meowed slowly, "how about we all take a deep breath and sort this whole thing out, okay?"

Tigerstar shook his head. "You hurt my mommy and my sissies. Prepare to die!"

His mother stood beside her son. "Tiggerkins is right. You hurt us, so now we're going to hurt you!"

"And we're going to get it on video!" Mistkit and Nightkit mewed, pulling out their iPhones.

Brokenstar padded out onto the stage. "May I assist you in murdering Pinestar?" he asked pleasantly. "I have weapons."

"What do you have?" Leopardfoot asked.

The security guard pushed Pinestar out of his chair and scooted the seat over, revealing a stash of random items. "How about a dictionary for the lady, a set of dentures of Tigerstar, and…how about these darling little kits beat Pinestar up with lollipops?"

"Works for me!" Tigerstar hissed, grabbing the dentures and whacking his father with them.

Leopardfoot grabbed the dictionary and slammed it on Pinestar's head.

Mistkit and Nightkit handed their iPhones to Oakheart and Vinetail, and then they each grabbed a lollipop. Mistkit grabbed a lemon one, Nightkit grabbed a strawberry one, and together they licked their lollies and stuck them onto Pinestar's fur.

"Help!" Pinestar cried, trying to run away from his angry family. "Help me please!"

Brokenstar just gave a maniacal laugh, grabbed a monster truck, and joined in the chase to destroy ThunderClan's former leader.

Nightcloud watched the chase for a moment before turning to face the camera. "I guess Oakheart wins. Sorry we didn't get to finish the show as planned. I think we have bigger issues."

"This show is getting really strange," Tansy mewed, her paw hovering over the power button on her camera. "But I'm enjoying it. Maybe I should keep some popcorn handy for every time an angry she-cat shows up…"


	24. Russetfur, Frostfur, Goldenflower

_Episode 24: Russetfur, Frostfur, Goldenflower_

Two little black she-cats danced around the stage, listening to a nursery song playing on the loudspeaker.

"Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?" Star sang.

"Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full!" Mallow sang.

"Aw…" the entire audience sighed.

Leafpool padded onto the stage. "Tansy, isn't it time to start the show?"

The camera-cat sighed. "Wouldn't listening to my daughters sing be much better than what we have planned for the day?"

The announcer tipped her head to one side. "Yeah…probably. But Brokenstar said he wanted to go on another date and Nightcloud's off at some convention for mothers of wayward sons or something like that, so…

"We can't anger Brokenstar," Tansy sighed.

"No, not really," Leafpool mewed, shaking her head.

Brokenstar padded out onto the stage. "What? You think I'm still dangerous? I haven't killed anybody in four moons! That's the longest I've gone since I was a kit!"

"Yep, you're a true gentleman," the announcer growled sarcastically. "Let's bring out our poor, unlucky she-cats now. Please cheer for Russetfur, Frostfur, and Goldenflower!"

The three she-cats strolled onto the stage. Russetfur was staring shyly at the camera, looking a bit nervous. Frostfur was glaring daggers at Brokenstar. Goldenflower was talking to somebody on her phone.

"No, dear, I'm not cheating on you!" she meowed. "I was forced to be on the show…well, you cheated on me first with that rogue-kittypet thing…yes, I know you're sorry…no, I don't actually love Brokenstar, I promise…okay, love you too. Give my love to Brambly and Tawny. Bye!"

"Back together with Tigerstar, Goldenflower?" Brokenstar asked.

"Yes," she replied. "We had to go to marriage counseling because he cheated on me, but we're good now."

"I hate you, Brokenstar," Frostfur spat.

"I don't really want to be here," Russetfur mewed.

Leafpool swallowed nervously, realizing this wasn't going to be a pleasant show. "Um…today's prize is taking Brokenstar to Rushing Water Trails: A Great Journey, from _Tribal Fitness Co_."

Frostfur rolled her blue eyes. "I wouldn't go on a date with this psycho child-abductor if my life depended on it!"

"Frosty, haven't you forgiven me yet?" the security guard asked sweetly.

"Forgive you for stealing my children? Never!"

Brokenstar narrowed his eyes. "Fine. Just remember: I could have killed them. Now let's start the questions! What is your worst memory?"

"Having you steal my kits, you moronic jerk!" Frostfur spat.

Goldenflower laid a paw gently on the white queen's shoulder. "Be nice, Frosty. Just be thankful they're alright." She turned to look at the guest host. "My worst memory is when Swiftpaw died. He was so small…that dog hurt him so badly…" Her voice trailed off as her eyes filled with tears.

"Somebody bring Goldie a tissue!" Brokenstar called.

Leafpool hurried over to the she-cat, giving the queen a pink, flower-scented tissue.

Russetfur was staring at the ground uncomfortably. "I don't know if I should say what my worst memory is."

"We all want to know," Brokenstar mewed. "You know I always had a crush on you."

"What?" the reddish-colored she-cat gasped. "The most evil cat who's ever lived had a crush on me!? I didn't think you were even capable of love! I just assumed there's a black hole where your heart should be!"

The security guard shrugged. "Funny. My adopted mother used to say the same thing. Now she's dead…"

Russetfur blinked nervously. "Well, now that I know Brokenstar has a crush on me I'm even more nervous. Anyway…my worst memory is dying before I had a chance to tell Blackstar how I really feel."

"And how's that?" Brokenstar asked, leaning forward.

Everyone in the audience leaned forward too, waiting for Russetfur to reveal how she really feels.

"She loves Blackstar!" Star squealed.

"No she doesn't!" Mallow cried. "She's fed up with his constant confessions of love to her!"

"She loves Blackstar!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

Russetfur swallowed. "Well…I…I…"

"Just spit it out, girl!" Brokenstar demanded.

"I love Blackstar!"

Leafpool leaped high into the air joyfully, as did half of the audience. "I knew it!"

"Told you so!" Star cried, poking her sister.

The former ShadowClan deputy carried on. "I've had a crush on him forever, but I never had the confidence to tell him. Everyday I'm forced to read his tweets and posts of PawBook, but I just can't tell him how I feel!"

Tansy was busy dialing somebody on her phone. "Hello, operator? Can I get Blackstar on the phone?"

Meanwhile, Frostfur was still glaring angrily at Brokenstar. "You had my babies catnapped!" she screeched.

"Oh, be quiet!" the tom hissed. "Russetfur finally confirmed she loves Blackstar!"

"I won't be quiet until you're dead!" The white queen leaped at Brokenstar, tearing into him with the force of an angry mother.

The security guard tried to shove her away without using too much force. "Seriously? I'm trying to get a date here!"

"I hate you!" Frostfur howled.

The tom sighed heavily and pushed her away long enough to get some rope from under the red plush chair. He quickly tied her up and put a strip of Hello Kitty duct tape over her mouth. He then turned and faced the audience. "I declare Frostfur the winner. She and I are now going off to have some…_quality_ time together."

Brokenstar then hauled the tied-up Frostfur backstage, leaving the other two queens still on the stage.

A white tom with black paws suddenly burst into the auditorium. "She loves me!" he cried. "She really loves me!"

Russetfur ran off the stage to meet her knight half way up the aisle. "Oh, Blackie!"

"Oh, Russy!"

"Let's get married, even though we don't know what that is!"

Blackstar nodded. "That's a great idea! Look, I even have an engagement ring with me…not that I always carry it around. That would be creepy."

Russetfur wrapped her paws around the tom's neck. "We're going to be together forever and ever!"

"Aw…" the audience sighed happily.

"Shall we be off?" Blackstar asked. "I've had the ShadowClan Chapel reserved for our wedding for fifty-seven moons now, just in case you ever agreed to marry me."

"Can we spend our honeymoon at Disney World?" Russetfur asked.

The ShadowClan tom nodded. "I'd follow you anywhere."

"Stalker!' Mallow squeaked.

"It's true love…" Star sighed.

Goldenflower sat alone on the stage. "I really need to rethink my relationship with Tigerstar. He never loved me like Blackstar loves Russetfur…"


	25. Blackstar and Russetfur's Wedding

_Episode 25: Blackstar and Russetfur's Wedding_

A dark ginger tom was standing on a well-lit stage, which was now decorated with pink and yellow roses. The tom held Tansy's camera, ready to address both the live audience and the viewers at home.

"Hello and welcome to Win a Date with Nightcloud," he meowed. "I'm sure you're all wondering where Tansy is, but I've come to fill in for her today. You'll just have to deal with Rowanclaw- the greatest deputy in ShadowClan history- as your camera-cat for the day. Anyway, since this is the twenty-fifth episode, Tansy said we needed to do something really special. Nightcloud, Leafpool, and Brokenstar all got together and decided that for the show we ought to have a wedding. So for this episode, Blackstar and Russetfur will be getting married right on stage!"

Rowanclaw stepped off of the stage, still holding the camera. "Now let's bring out the guy who's going to officiate the wedding…please give some wild applause for Brokenstar!"

The ragged brown tabby padded onto the stage, smoothing his tuxedo with his paws. "This is one job I never saw myself having," he muttered.

"You be pleasant!" the camera-cat ordered. "It's not every day that Blackstar gets married!"

Brokenstar just shook his head. "Well, you should have gotten Ravenpaw or Barley to officiate. This was not on my contract!"

Rowanclaw shrugged. "Whatever. Anyway, now for the presentation of the bridesmaids!"

Beautiful piano music began playing on the loudspeakers as three she-cats padded down the aisle of the auditorium. Nightcloud, Leafpool, and Tansy were all wearing frilly green dresses with large satin bows, and they all looked hideous. Only one of them looked very happy to be there.

"Oh, isn't this just the prettiest dress ever?" Nightcloud gushed, twirling around in her dress. "Russetfur has great taste!"

"This dress is too poofy!" Leafpool grumbled. "And the ruffles are itchy!"

Tansy looked equally unhappy. "This dress makes my haunches look big!"

"I think you all look lovely," Brokenstar meowed. "At least you don't have to wear a tuxedo!"

Rowanclaw flashed the tom an amused glance. "It's a step up from what you usually wear. Those girly sweaters are awful!"

"Just let the groomsmen come out!" the security guard hissed.

"Oh. I forgot about the groomsmen," the camera-cat mewed. "Come on out, boys!"

Tigerstar, Darkstripe, and Sol all padded down the aisle, looking as if they would rather be anywhere else. As the approached the stage, two of them sent the audience furious glares.

"Look at this tuxedo!" Tigerstar spat. "This doesn't say 'evil'! This says 'I'm a nice guy'! I hate it!"

Darkstripe loosened his belt buckle slightly. "Why on earth did Blackstar make us be his groomsmen? This isn't fair!"

"I think I look quite dashing," Sol meowed calmly. "Don't I look handsome?"

Rowanclaw nodded. "You do, for an evil brainwashing devil cat!"

The tortoiseshell tom shrugged. "I can't help it if you don't believe every word I say. I'm always right. It's you Clan cats who are wrong."

"Whatever," the ShadowClan deputy growled.

Tansy stepped forward, her dress swishing as she moved. "Let the flower girls come out!"

Rowanclaw nodded. "Alright, girls, you can come out now!"

Two little black she-cats wearing frilly green dresses bounced down the aisle, tossing rose petals everywhere.

"Yay! Weddings are fun!" Star squealed excitedly.

"We should do this more often!" Mallow cried.

Brokenstar snorted. "You are _never_ going to get me in this tuxedo again!"

"And now for the groom!" Rowanclaw announced, wasting no time.

Blackstar began padding down the aisle, escorted by Tawnypelt. The she-cat looked a bit disgruntled at having to work at the wedding.

"Why couldn't Blackstar's mother do this?" she asked Rowanclaw as the two cats reached the stage.

"Because I'm the camera-cat," her mate replied. "If I have to be a part of this, then so do you!"

Blackstar nodded. "And you look lovely, Tawnypelt." Glancing at the bridesmaids, he added, "More lovely than they do, anyway…"

"Watch it, you!" Leafpool hissed.

"I'm a pretty princess!" Nightcloud mewed, spinning around.

Rowanclaw heaved a sigh. "And now for the bride…"

A beautiful she-cat in a lacey white dress began padding down the aisle, escorted by her father, Hal.

"She's so beautiful…" Blackstar sighed.

Hal glared at the tom. "If you hurt my daughter, I'll hurt you!"

Star and Mallow ran up to the bride and tugged on her dress.

"Can we wear your dress later?" Star asked.

"Pleasey?" Mallow added. "It's so pretty!"

Sol rolled his eyes. "Kits! They are soooo annoying!"

"And to think half of the fandom thinks I liked you!" Blackstar growled at the tom. "I can't stand you!"

"Let's just do the wedding," Rowanclaw meowed.

Brokenstar sighed, staring at the bride and groom with narrow eyes. "Will you, Blackstar, take Russetfur to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love her and to kill her and to make her kits warriors when they're still babies and to feed her deathberries and to kick her out of the Clan when she's old and hate her forever and all eternity?"

"I do," Blackstar meowed, looking slightly creeped out by Brokenstar's speech.

"And will you, Russetfur," the security guard continued, "take Blackstar to be your lawfully wedded husband? To love him and to kill him and to drown your kits in a river and to get revenge on every tom who's ever wronged you and to rip their intestines out and to make his life miserable by being a nagging housewife and a terrible parent to your evil kits and hate him forever and all eternity?"

"I do," Russetfur breathed, looking more than slightly creeped out by Brokenstar's speech.

"Then I now pronounce you stalker husband and should-have-gotten-a-restraining-order wife. You may now squeeze your bride in a massive hug."

"Yay!" Blackstar cried, wrapping his paws tightly around Russetfur.

"Blackie!" she yowled, struggling in his grasp. "You're suffocating me!"

The two little flower girls sighed dreamily.

"I hope I'll find a tom like that someday…" Star mewed.

"I'm going to marry Bramblestar…" Mallow breathed.

"I'm a pretty princess!" Nightcloud cried, beginning to twirl around the stage happily. The other two bridesmaids stared at her for a moment, and then shrugged and joined in. The groomsmen soon followed suit. Tigerstar twirled with Tansy, Sol twirled with Leafpool, and Nightcloud twirled with Darkstripe.

Rowanclaw set his camera down. "So, Tawny-love, want to twirl around with me?"

"No!" she spat. "You made me escort Blackstar!"

Brokenstar padded up to the she-cat. "How dare you have a bad attitude at my deputy's wedding!" he snarled.

"You had a bad attitude!"

"So?" he asked. "I'm evil. I'm allowed to. You are not." He then grabbed a bouquet of roses and whacked Tawnypelt with them.

Tawnypelt ducked away from the flowers, glaring at the security guard. "Ow!"

"Feel the thorns! Feel the lovely thorns!" Brokenstar cried, continuing to whack the she-cat.

Tansy stopped her twirling and hit her head with her paws. "And this was such a nice wedding…"


	26. Tigerstar, Berrynose, Oakheart

_Episode 26: Tigerstar, Berrynose, Oakheart_

"Welcome to the wild, crazy, and always lovely game show- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool meowed. "So, did you all love the last episode? It was so nice to have a wedding right here on the show, even if Russetfur's taste in fashion is a little…weird. Anyway, here's your host- Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat padded onto the stage, flashing her announcer a look. "What do you mean Russetfur's taste in fashion is weird? I loved that green dress!"

"It was the ugliest dress I've ever seen!" the tabby-and-white she-cat replied.

Nightcloud huffed crossly and settled down on her red plush chair. "So who are our hostages today?"

Leafpool glanced at her pink notecard. "Let's all welcome Tigerstar, Berrynose, and Oakheart to the show!"

The three toms padded out onto the stage. Tigerstar looked furious. "Why do I have to be here again? I hate this show! And that tuxedo you made me wear for the wedding was awful!"

"Oh calm down, would you?" Oakheart muttered, sitting down on the middle green chair.

"Yeah, Tigerstar, be nice!" Berrynose mewed, sitting in the green chair closest to Nightcloud. "This show is awesome!"

"Thank you, boys," Nightcloud meowed sweetly. "Now what are they playing for, Leafy?"

"Today's prize is a shopping spree at Frostfur's Furry Things- where you'll find only the best sweaters and yarn in the Warriors World!"

Tigerstar rolled his eyes. "That's a dumb prize."

Berrynose shook his head. "No it isn't. Poppyfrost shops there all the time! She says Frostfur has really good quality yarn."

"She does," Nightcloud agreed. "Now let's start the competition. Here's the first question: How many kits do you want?"

"None!" Tigerstar spat. "Kids are all failures! You'll just have daughters that refuse to be evil, a weak son who rather love the daughter of your nemesis than be evil, and a son who can't kill your nemesis without being killed by your other son! You're better off not having kids. Trust me."

Oakheart glared at the dark tabby tom. "That's a horrid answer! You're supposed to love your children, not hate their faults!" He turned to face Nightcloud. "I want three kids, and I want them all to live!"

"I want many, many kits," Berrynose meowed. "Cuz I'm awesome and the best parent ever!"

"My 'Father of the Year' trophy says otherwise," Oakheart muttered.

Nightcloud laughed at Oakheart's annoyed response. "It sure does, Oakheart. But that was last year. Maybe Berrynose will win this year!"

"Who gets the point?" Leafpool called from beside her whiteboard.

The host thought for a moment. "Oakheart and Berrynose both get a point. At least they actually love the kids they already have."

"So that's one point for Oakheart and one point for Berrynose!"

"Question two: If you could be someone else for a day, who would it be?"

Tigerstar answered first. "Brokenstar! That cat knew how to lead a Clan! He made ShadowClan the most feared group of cats in the history of everything! He's incredible."

The security guard sighed loudly from the side of the stage. "But I am reformed now. I've been told that killing kittens is immoral and banishing old cats is immoral and I've found out that jail isn't fun. Now I enjoy being nice and kind and I love drinking chamomile tea with honey."

"You've changed!" Tigerstar gasped in horror.

"Don't worry, Tigerstar," Nightcloud murmured. "He's only saying that because Firestar's Police Force of Morality has their eyes on him. If he said how he really felt, they'd send him back to prison in a heartbeat!"

Brokenstar narrowed his eyes. "I wasn't lying about the tea, though. Chamomile and honey has such a soothing effect on me. It makes me feel calm and peaceful."

"You make me sick, Brokenstar," Tigerstar mumbled.

Oakheart answered the question next. "I'd be Mosskit. Then I would die in her place and she could live!"

"Well, I wouldn't want to be anyone else!" Berrynose announced. "I'm perfectly happy the way I am- super incredibly awesome!"

Nightcloud thought about the answers before deciding who gets the points. "I think Oakheart and Berrynose get the points again."

Leafpool nodded. "I didn't think Tigerstar was going to get any. Anyway, Oakheart and Berrynose both have two points!"

"Question three: What's your favorite Disney song?"

Berrynose answered first this time. "I really like 'Why Should I Worry' from _Oliver and Company_, because I don't have to worry about anything! When you're as awesome as I am, there's nothing to worry about! Plus, Oliver's so cute!"

"Hm…I like 'Love Will Find a Way' from _The Meowing King 2: Firestar's Pride_," Oakheart meowed. "That song sums up my forbidden relationship with Bluestar perfectly."

"I like 'Be Prepared' from _The Meowing King_ because I'm evil! Mwahahaha!" Tigerstar cackled evilly.

Nightcloud looked troubled by the contestants' answers. "Well, I don't really want to give Tigerstar a point, but I once said that anyone who gives me a song from any of the _Meowing King_ movies gets a point. I guess I have to give him a point…but give Oakheart one, too!"

"Oakheart has three points, Berrynose has two points, and Tigerstar has one point!" Leafpool announced.

The host studied the whiteboard for a moment. "Berrynose is losing? How can that be? He always wins! Oh well…question four: What's the worst way to die?"

"Having a rock fall on you in the middle of battle," Oakheart meowed. "Either that or freezing to death before you're even a half-moon old."

"Having your intestines ripped out by a kit!" Tigerstar hissed. "That little munchkin didn't even give me a chance! It wasn't fair! And then years later my arch-nemesis kills me, too! I've died the worst deaths anyone could ever die!"

Berrynose shook his head. "The worst way to die is from a snake bite. My poor Honeyfern…there was nothing anyone could do to save her. It was such a painful, sad death…"

Suddenly a fierce yowl sounded in the aisle. A tortoiseshell she-cat stormed up on the stage. "You're on this flipping game show _again_?" she howled. "And you're talking about Honeyfern? Why you little- when I'm done with you, you'll be sorry!"

"Calm down, Poppy," Nightcloud meowed.

The queen whipped around to face the host. "And you- stop having my mate on this show! You can't have him! He's mine! You ought to go on a date with Tigerstar and let him murder you! Or maybe I'll do it myself…"

Poppyfrost glared at Nightcloud, crouching low to the ground as if she were about to spring. Brokenstar quickly hurried over to stop the attack from happening. "Poppyfrost, I told you not to come back here!"

"And who's going to stop me?"

The tom hit his head with a paw. "We need better security here…oh wait. I'm the security!" He pulled a frozen fish out of his vest pocket and began beating Poppyfrost with it.

"Stop it!"

"Get off of our stage!" Brokenstar cried.

"Fine!" the she-cat howled, running backstage. The security guard chased after her with a crazed look in his eyes. A moment later, a loud crash sounded from back there, followed by dead silence.

Leafpool padded to stand at the front of the stage. "Um…this concludes today's episode of Win a Date with Nightcloud," she meowed nervously, watching Tansy drop her camera to run backstage. "Uh…Oakheart wins, I guess. Good bye!"

"I think I'll go see what's going on back there," Tigerstar growled, glancing toward the side of the stage.

Nightcloud picked up Tansy's camera. "Hopefully this won't be our last episode, but there's a chance we'll no longer have a security guard or director, so…here's hoping that Poppyfrost, Brokenstar, and Tigerstar don't commit any murders today!"


	27. Firestar, Tigerstar, Sootfur

**_(A/N: Hey, y'all! Just wanted to say hi. I don't have too many announcements today. Here's the only one I can think of: If you haven't noticed, my newest fanfiction has been posted! The prologue for Only the Voices in my Head went up yesterday! So..check it out._**

**_On with the show!)_**

_Episode 27: Firestar, Tigerstar, Sootfur_

"Welcome to the greatest game show to ever be made- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool meowed happily. "I'm sure you're all wondering what happened after the last episode ended. Well, Poppyfrost and Brokenstar broke three windows, a snack table, and four cameras. Poppyfrost was arrested and was bailed out by Berrynose, Brokenstar had to spend three days at Smiley Dayz Insane Asylum for the Criminally Insane, and Tigerstar attempted to murder Tansy. He was then arrested, but he broke out of prison and is on the run from the cops. Anyway, here's your host- Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat padded out onto the stage. "Yeah…Tigerstar's running from the police, but he and Firestar are both backstage. I'm thinking he's not going to last very long."

The announcer shook her head. "Nope. He should have been more careful. Firestar will probably haul him back to prison after this. Anyway our contestants today are Firestar, Tigerstar, and Sootfur!"

The three toms padded out onto the stage. Tigerstar was eyeing Firestar warily, and he quickly sat down on the green chair closest to the host. Firestar was talking to somebody on the phone.

"Yes, I think I'll need back up…at least three good and moral cats…well, this _is_ Tigerstar I'm talking about…and this time send the super-strength paw-cuffs! We can't let him get away again! "

"Who are you talking to, Firestar?" Nightcloud asked.

The ginger leader put his phone down. "My secretary down at the police station- Cinderpelt. She's supposed to be in charge of sending backup, keeping track of prisoners, making sure they don't escape…"

"She must do a wonderful job," the host observed, glancing at Tigerstar.

The dark brown tabby tom smiled proudly. "That old cripple can't stop me!"

"Don't talk about my mentor that way!" Leafpool spat, whacking the tom with her pink marker.

"It's okay, Leafy," Nightcloud soothed. "Just tell these boys what they're playing for today."

The tabby-and-white she-cat glared at the host for a moment before sighing. "Fine. Today's prize is taking Nightcloud to Swiftpaw's Dog Zoo- Where we control the dogs! This is brought to you by Swiftpaw the Dead!"

"Ha! My dogs killed him!" Tigerstar laughed. "And now he thinks he can run a zoo filled with them? What a stupid cat!"

"You're really rude," Nightcloud informed the villain.

"We must be good and moral cats," Firestar reminded him.

The host settled into her red chair. "Now let's start the game! The first question is: What are your thoughts on Breezepelt?"

The dark gray guest answered first. "Who? I think I died before he was born."

"Who are you again?" Nightcloud asked.

"I'm Sootfur," the tom meowed. "I died in the battle with the badgers. That was when Leafpool and Crowfeather came back from their adventure and Cinderpelt died."

The black host snorted. "Right. Well, we don't need to think about the time Leafpool and Crowfeather ran away together."

Firestar answered next. "Breezepelt is a horrible cat! He was so mean to his half-siblings. Did you know he didn't even care when Hollyleaf died? She's his only sister! And he fought on the Dark Forest's side during the Great Battle! He is not a good and moral cat."

"No! He's awesome!" Tigerstar meowed. "He is truly evil, just like me. He belongs with all the other bad cats. The Dark Forest will welcome him when he dies."

"My baby is not evil!" Nightcloud cried, throwing a pink notecard at the villain. "But you were the only contestant who said he was awesome, so I guess you get a point."

Leafpool drew a pink tally mark next to the tom's name. "That's a point for Tigerstar!"

The host huffed crossly. "My son is perfect," she meowed, glaring at Firestar. "Anyway, here's question two: What's your favorite book?"

Tigerstar answered first this time. "The book I wrote- How to Murder Your Clan Leader. Just forget the fact that I actually failed to do so."

"That is not a good and moral answer!" Firestar scolded. "My favorite book is Why Laws Are so Important to Follow by Hollyleaf. She understands what it means to be good and moral."

"My favorite book is How to be a Minor Character that No One will Remember by Newtspeck," Sootfur meowed.

"Who's Newtspeck?" Nightcloud asked.

Sootfur shrugged. "I don't remember."

The host thought for a moment. "I think I'll five Firestar a point this time, as much as it pains me to give a point for the book written by one of Crowfeather's _other_ children."

"Hey!" Leafpool cried. "My kids are better than your son! One of my sons is invincible, one of my sons is a medicine cat, and my daughter sacrificed her life to save someone she barely knew! They're all good and moral cats!"

"Well…they didn't get that from you," Nightcloud meowed. "Squirrelflight's more of their mother than you'll ever be."

The scorekeeper narrowed her eyes. "Daddy, are you going to let her talk to me like that?"

Firestar stopped glaring at Tigerstar to look up at his daughter. "Huh? What? Oh…um, Nightcloud, please be a little nicer…"

"Thank you!" Leafpool growled, drawing a tally mark next to her father's name. "That's one point for Tigerstar, one point for Firestar, and no points for Sootfur!"

Nightcloud picked up the next pink notecard. "Question three: What instrument do you play or would you like to play?"

Sootfur answered first. "I play the piano."

"Everyone plays the piano!" the host exclaimed. "Don't you play anything unique?"

"I'm learning how to play the triangle," Firestar offered.

"I can play the bagpipes!" Tigerstar announced.

Nightcloud smiled with satisfaction. "Good. At least one of you has some creativity."

"Me?" Firestar mewed.

"No!" the host spat. "Tigerstar!"

Leafpool drew another tally mark by the villain's name. "Tigerstar's in the lead with two points!"

"That's not fair!" Firestar wailed. "He can't win! He's not a good and moral cat!"

"But that's all the time we have for today," Nightcloud meowed, glancing at a clock on the wall, "so he wins."

The ginger tom leaped from his chair. "No! I refuse to let him win! I need to take him back to prison! He needs to be locked up forever! He needs-"

"AHHHH!" Brokenstar cried, swinging on stage on a long green vine. As he passed Firestar on his vine, he whacked the ginger tom with Jayfeather's stick.

"Ow!" the ThunderClan leader cried. "Is that my grandson's stick? Stealing is wrong! You are not a good and moral cat!"

"I don't care!" Brokenstar laughed, leaping off of his vine to whack Firestar some more.

Tigerstar took this opportunity to pull out a bagpipe that had been hidden on stage for some reason. He began playing 'Loch Lomond' while watching Brokenstar assault Firestar with a stick. The audience all fled the auditorium to spare their ears from hearing the bagpipe.

"Oh, Tigerstar, that sounds wonderful!" Nightcloud gushed, not seeing Sootfur and Leafpool run off as well, holding their paws over their ears.

The director dropped her camera. "Show's over!" Tansy meowed hurriedly. "I've got to get out of here!"

Tigerstar remained on stage playing his bagpipes while Nightcloud twirled around stage while Brokenstar beat Firestar with Jayfeather's stick until the rest of Firestar's Police Force of Morality came to separate everyone and confiscate the bagpipes. All the ears lived happily ever after.


	28. Crookedstar, Mousewhisker, Flametail

**_(A/N: Okay, peeps, I've got to lay down the law now. LawlClan discovered this and got mad about how it's interactive. No more submitting cats, prizes, questions, or random items. I don't want this to be deleted. The said I have 36 hours to delete it, but I went back and edited the first episode and deleted all the author's notes that talked about submitting stuff, so it should be fine now. Besides, I've still got enough trios of toms to last 25 episodes. I think I've got plenty. Thank you!)_**

_Episode 28: Crookedstar, Mousewhisker, Flametail_

"Welcome to the most amazing, most wonderful, most marvelous game show to ever grace your television- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool meowed loudly. "I'm sure you're all glad to see that I didn't go deaf after the last episode. Tigerstar's bagpipes sounded awful!"

"No they didn't!" Nightcloud mewed, padding onto the stage. "He really knows how to play. Too bad he doesn't know how to date."

The announcer tipped her head to one side. "What did the two of you do?"

"Well, he was supposed to take me to the Dog Zoo, but instead he took me to Brokenstar's House of Villains!" the host cried. "He tried to convince me to take over the world with him and his buddies!"

Leafpool laughed. "I wish I had been there. It would have been funny to see."

"Whatever. Just announce our contestants already."

The announcer read her pink notecard. "Our victims today are Crookedstar, Mousewhisker, and Flametail!"

The three toms padded out onto the stage, flashing pleased looks at Tansy's camera.

"It's wonderful to be here," Crookedstar meowed, sitting down in the chair closest to Nightcloud's.

Mousewhisker nodded, sitting on the middle chair. "I've never been on TV before. This will be exciting!"

Flametail shrugged. "I've been on before, and I didn't think it was so great."

"Well, you'll change your mind this time," Nightcloud meowed. "Leafy, tell our boys what they're playing for today!"

Leafy glanced at her other pink notecard. "Today's prize is a breakfast at Ferncloud's Flapjacks- brought to you by Ferncloud and her ridiculously large family!"

"Mmmmm," Crookedstar meowed, rubbing his belly. "I love flapjacks. I love all food, really."

"Yes, I know," the host meowed. "Now let's start the questions! The first one is: Who is the most attractive tom on the planet?"

Mousewhisker glanced at the host. "I think we've all seen the show enough times to know what the correct answer is. My brother, Berrynose, is the most attractive tom according to you."

"Yep," Flametail agreed. "It's Berrynose."

"That's my answer, too," Crookedstar meowed.

"You all got it right!" Nightcloud cheered. "You must pay really close attention to the show."

The ginger ShadowClan cat shook his head. "Not really. We just know what the answer's been in the past, and it doesn't take too much attention to see that you're always excited to see him."

"Yeah," Mousewhisker added. "Why are you still doing this show anyway? Just date Berrynose!"

"I can't," the host muttered. "Poppyfrost won't let me."

Leafpool drew a tally mark next to each tom's name. "Everyone has a point!"

Nightcloud nodded, picking up her next notecard. "Question two: What would you give to win and go on a date with me?"

Mousewhisker answered first. "I'd give you one hundred dollars."

"I'd give you coltsfoot and feverfew," Flametail meowed. "That way you'll stay healthy all leaf-bare long."

Crookedstar answered last. "I'd give my left kidney to have Willowbreeze back, but I guess I'd do the same for you. A tom's got to move on sometime."

"Hm…I have to choose between money, herbs, and a kidney," Nightcloud thought. "This is hard. I'll give all three of you a point again!"

Leafpool drew more tally marks on her whiteboard. "Everyone has two points!"

The host smiled. "Yay! Everyone is doing well and there haven't been any fights yet! This is great. Question three: What's your favorite TV show?"

Flametail answered first this time. "My favorite show is _Dr. Cinderpelt's Tips for Healthy Living_. She knows everything about herbs, what prey to eat, what kind of exercises are the best, and more! My Clan has really benefited from my TV-watching."

Crookedstar answered next. "My favorite show is _I Almost got Away with It: Dark Forest Edition_. That episode they did on Mapleshade when she tried to brainwash me was awesome! I'm so glad Firestar's Police Force of Morality got her! She won't break out of prison again anytime soon."

"My favorite show is _CSI: ThunderClan_," Mousewhisker meowed. "Hollyleaf makes a great interrogator. It's like she really thinks she's laying down the law! Holly is such a great actress."

"Yeah…I don't think she thinks she's acting," Nightcloud meowed. "I'm pretty sure she thinks the criminals on the show actually broke the Warrior Code."

"Don't insult my daughter!" Leafpool scolded. "She always does what's right!"

The host shrugged. "It's just a show, Leafy. It's not real. Anyway, give Crookedstar a point! He picked a show that highlights real criminals- and he was a victim of one!"

The scorekeeper snorted unhappily. "My daughter just wants everyone to follow the rules. What's so wrong with that? Anyway, Crookedstar has three points, Flametail has two points, and Mousewhisker has two points!"

"We have time for one more question!" Nightcloud announced. "Question four: Would you eat a turtle for me?" The black she-cat smiled sweetly and batted her obviously-fake eyelashes in a not-so-sane way.

Flametail looked horrified. "A turtle? My goodness, no! I know ShadowClan eats different prey than the other Clans, but seriously! Gross!"

Crookedstar looked slightly creeped out by Nightcloud's insane facial expression. "Um…sure? I guess I'd try one, if it made you happy. And I'm totally _not_ saying that because you're kind of scaring me right now."

"Well, I'm not going to eat a turtle!" Mousewhisker cried. "That just sounds awful! And stop looking at us like that!"

Nightcloud just batted her eyes her eyes sweetly, giving the ThunderClan tom a large, weird-looking grin.

"Ah! Make it stop!" Mousewhisker cried, leaping off of his chair. He tried to run off of the stage, but he was stopped by a large, ragged-looking tom in a sparkly pink sweater and blue vest.

"No one leaves the stage without permission," Brokenstar informed the creeped-out contestant.

"But she's insane!"

The security guard shook his head. "She just has a sense of humor."

Nightcloud nodded from her chair. "Oh, Mousey," she meowed in a sing-song voice, "won't you come back here and finish the show?"

"No!" the gray-and-white tom screeched.

Brokenstar shrugged. "Fine by me. We can do this my way." He grabbed a randomly-abducted Seedkit and whacked Mousewhisker with her.

"Hey!" he cried. "You can't whack me with a kit!"

"Oh yes I can!" the guard informed the contestant, continuing to beat Mousewhisker with Seedkit.

"Help me!" the kit squeaked.

Nightcloud just sat in her chair, still batting her eyelashes and scaring the other toms. "Aren't I just the sweetest? Crookedstar and I are going to have a wonderful date together, aren't we?"

"Um…" the RiverClan leader swallowed nervously.

"We can eat turtles together," the host suggested.

A loud sigh sounded from down by the camera. Tansy was rubbing her head with a ginger paw. "Nightcloud…you are really weird. Did you take your special medicine this morning?"

Nightcloud smiled. "It's a secret."


	29. Firestar, Tigerstar, Snowkit

**_(A/N: Hey, y'all! Sorry I didn't update anything over the weekend. I went home for Easter and was busy with my family.)_**

_Episode 29: Firestar, Tigerstar, Snowkit_

"Welcome to Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool meowed. "Are you ready for an awesome show today? I know I am! Now let's give a warm round of applause for everyone's favorite game show host- Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat padded out onto the stage. "Don't worry, folks. I took my special medicine today. I won't ask any toms if they'll eat a turtle for me."

"That's good to know," the tabby-and-white announcers mewed. "That was weird. Even for you. Anyway, today's victims are Firestar, Tigerstar, and Snowkit!"

The three toms padded out onto the stage. Snowkit looked hopelessly confused as he followed the larger toms over to the green chairs.

"Why does the deaf kit have to be on here?" Tigerstar grumbled. "He's not going to be able to answer the questions. He's not even going to be able to hear the questions!"

Firestar gave the dark brown tabby stern glare. "Now, Tigerstar, we must be good and moral cats. Snowkit should have every opportunity to have a normal life. We must include him in everything us hearing cats do."

Snowkit climbed in a green chair and looked around. He didn't say anything.

"Leafy," Nightcloud meowed, "tell our guests what they're playing for today!"

The announcer glanced at a pink notecard. "Today's prize is a date with Nightcloud at Silverstream's Seafood! This is brought to you by _Food of Silver Rivers Inc_."

"Seafood?" Tigerstar gasped. "I _do not _eat seafood! That's icky RiverClan food!"

"Tigerstar, show some gratitude," Firestar scolded. "Nightcloud didn't have to allow you on the show again. Just be glad you have the chance to compete even though you're evil and can't play a decent instrument."

The dark brown tabby snorted. "The bagpipes are a great instrument."

Nightcloud nodded. "Yes they are. I loved hearing you play, Tigerstar. Now let's start the game! The first question is: What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?"

"Sweet Revenge Delight," Tigerstar replied instantly. "It tastes like the blood of my enemies and vanilla."

"Ew…" the host mewed, wrinkling her nose in disgust. "That sounds awful."

Firestar nodded. "And it's not good to like revenge! That's not what good and moral cats like! My favorite flavor of ice cream is Squirrel Caramel Swirl."

Nightcloud licked her lips. "That sounds delicious. How about you, Snowkit?"

The little white kit didn't say anything. He wasn't even looking at the host. He had no idea she was talking to him.

"Well, alright then," the black she-cat meowed. "I guess he won't be getting any points. Leafy, give Firestar the point this time!"

"That's a point for Firestar!" Leafpool meowed, drawing a pink tally mark next to her father's name.

Nightcloud shuffled her stack of pink notecards. "Question two: Where would you take me on our second date?"

Firestar thought for a moment. "I'd take you to The Moral Cats Hall of Fame to see all the great moral cats of history."

"I'd take you to Brokenstar's House of Villains, just like I did last time," Tigerstar meowed. "We really need all the paws we can get in plotting our revenge for losing the Dark Forest Battle."

The ragged security guard sighed loudly. "Tigerstar, how many times do I have to tell you to stop talking about my House of Villains? One of these days the police are going to come and throw me back in prison!"

"I'm interested in hearing more about your House of Villains, Brokenstar," Firestar meowed. "I'd love to know if I need to alert Firestar's Police Force of Morality. We'll have you shut down in five minutes flat."

"S'all right?" Snowkit squeaked, looking confused.

Nightcloud nodded to the kit. "S'all right. I guess…Firestar should get the point. I don't really want to go to a museum full of moral cat stuff, but I don't want my security guard to go back to prison, either."

"That's two points for Firestar!" Leafpool announced.

The host studied the whiteboard for a minute. "There's still a chance for Tigerstar to catch up! Question three: If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?"

The ginger tom answered first. "I'd make every cat see how important it is to be good and moral. If every cat was good and moral, we'd all be better off. It's a shame that only Hollyleaf agrees with me."

"Isn't my daughter wonderful?" Leafpool mewed.

Tigerstar answered next. "I'd kill Firestar, and then I'd kill Bluestar, and then I'd kill Leopardstar, and then I'd kill Scourge, and then I'd kill Tallstar, and then I'd kill Whitestorm, and then I'd kill my father, and then I'd-"

"That's enough, Tigerstar," Nightcloud meowed. "Leafy, give Firestar another point.

"You didn't give Snowkit a chance to answer!" Firestar hissed. "He must have an equal opportunity!"

The she-cat sighed. "Alright. Snowkit, what would you do?"

Snowkit didn't answer. He was too busy staring at Tansy's camera.

Leafpool made another tally mark by Firestar's name. "My father has three points!"

"And we have time for one more question!" Nightcloud meowed. "Question four: Who's the best she-cat who ever lived?"

"Leopardstar," Firestar said instantly.

The host gave him a strange look. "Are you sure you want to go with that answer? Maybe you want to say…um, I don't know…Sandstorm? Your mate?"

"My answer is Leopardstar," the ginger tom insisted.

Tigerstar looked perplexed by the question. "Well, I could say Goldenflower, but I could say Sasha. I don't really want to choose between them. That wouldn't be fair. Hm…oh, I know! My mommy is the best she-cat ever! Leopardfoot!"

Firestar leaned over to Snowkit's chair and mewed in a high-pitched, squeaky voice, "Speckletail."

"Firestar, you can't answer for him," Nightcloud meowed.

"He has to have a chance!"

The host shook her head. "You don't know what he would have said! He might have said I was the best she-cat ever!"

"He doesn't even know you!"

Nightcloud leaped off of her chair and padded over to stand in front of Snowkit. "Hey, kit, am I the best she-cat ever?"

Snowkit looked confused. After a long hesitation, he nodded, but looked as if he had no idea what he was doing.

"There!" the host exclaimed. "See? He thinks I'm the best!"

Leafpool studied her whiteboard. "You know, even if Snowkit gets a point for that, Firestar still wins three to one."

"That's fine," Nightcloud meowed. "I just wanted Snowkit to say I'm the best she-cat ever. I _am_ the best she-cat ever."

"You're the most conceited cat ever," Tansy meowed from behind her camera.

Just before the camera-cat turned her camera off, a loud sigh could be heard from the side of the stage. "I wish the head of Firestar's Police Force of Morality wasn't here. I didn't get to whack anybody! Stupid Tigerstar just _had_ to mention my House of Villains…"


	30. Redtail, Nightstar, Oakheart

**_(A/N: I don't know if you've noticed, but I fixed the last chapter of the Choice Awards. It's no longer Episode 15 of Win a Date with Nightcloud. Oops...I didn't realize I had done that. Hehe. We're all entitled to a few little mistakes, right?)_**

_Episode 30: Redtail, Nightstar, Oakheart_

"Welcome to the fabulous game show that absolutely _everyone _is talking about- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool meowed. "We have an awesome show for you all today, just as we always do. I'm sure you're all ready to see Nightcloud go on a date with yet another tom. Now here's your host- the brilliant, the charming, the darling of ClanTV- Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat padded out onto the stage. "I am brilliant, aren't I?" she mewed, taking her seat on the red plush chair. "And I was named 'Best TV Personality on ClanTV' by Warriors Broadcasting Corporation, so you know I'm just that awesome."

Leafpool nodded in agreement. "Yep! You are the most popular television personality on _any _network. You're simply the best, Nightcloud."

"I know. So who are my victims today?"

The tabby-and-white announcer glanced down at a pink notecard. "Our lovely contestants today are Redtail, Nightstar, and Oakheart!"

The three toms padded out onto the stage. Redtail took the green chair closest to the host, while Oakheart took the middle chair.

"It's great to be here today," the former ThunderClan deputy meowed.

Oakheart nodded. "I do so enjoy being a contestant, though I wish the cold steel cages you keep us in weren't so small."

"Don't talk about that," Nightcloud meowed sweetly. "The game show is meant to be a happy time."

"Well, I'm not happy," Nightstar grumbled. "You hired Brokenstar as your security guard. I hate him! Don't you know what he did to ShadowClan?"

The ragged-looking security guard strolled over to Nightstar, giving the elderly tom a triumphant glare. "Nightcloud knows I'm reformed…mostly. She was willing to give me another chance. Tansy and Nightcloud both see that I can behave. You should give me another chance, too."

"Never!" Nightstar hissed.

The host sighed loudly. "Brokenstar, please step away from the contestant. We don't want to make anyone mad before the show even starts. Leafy, tell our guests what they're playing for today!"

"Today's prize is taking Nightcloud to Molepaw's Museum of Ice Cream History- brought to you by Molepaw, ice cream's number one fan."

Oakheart looked satisfied with that prize. "I do so love ice cream. I've always wanted to see little Molepaw's museum dedicated to life's greatest treasure."

"I'm glad you like the prize," Nightcloud meowed. "Now let's start the questions. Question one: If you had to change your name, what would you chance it to and why?"

Redtail answered first. "I'd change my name to World's Number One Deputy of Awesomeness. I was the best deputy ThunderClan had ever had, of course."

"You were the best deputy of ThunderClan? I was the best deputy of RiverClan!" Oakheart exclaimed. "That's so cool! We're both awesome! Anyway, I'd change my name to Perfect Father to Stony-boy, Misty-girl, and Mossy-Princess."

"I'd change my name to I Hate Brokenstar And Want Him To Die A Thousand Painful Deaths And Want Him To Suffer So Much That He Becomes Dead And Even More Dead!" Nightstar announced.

Nightcloud narrowed her eyes. "That is a really long name. I'll just call you I Hate Brokenstar for short."

"Does that mean I get the point?"

The host shook her head. "No way. Redtail and Oakheart can each have a point, but there's no way I'm giving you one. Brokenstar is a good cat now. Mostly."

Leafpool drew pink tally marks on her whiteboard. "Redtail has a point and Oakheart has a point!"

"I hate Brokenstar," Nightstar muttered.

"I hate you, too," Brokenstar retorted.

Nightcloud shuffled her notecards nervously. "Please stay calm, boys. I'm trying to run a show here. Question two: What is your worst memory?"

"Bluestar telling me our daughter was dead," Oakheart mewed sadly. "I thought I had three kits, but she only brought me two. I was so excited to have a son and two daughters, and then I found out one had died! Poor little thing wasn't even a moon old…"

"That is sad," the host agreed. "I lost kits too. It's so hard moving on after the death of a child."

Redtail answered next. "I know what you mean. My worst memory took place after I was dead- watching Brindleface grieve for the two kits who died in our second litter. She had four, and only two got to grow up. Poor Brindly…"

"My worst memory is finding out ThunderClan was sheltering that…that…that monster!" Nightstar screeched. "I was so furious! I wanted to rip ThunderClan to shreds! How dare they show that evil, disgusting, blood-sucking leech that destroyed my Clan mercy! He doesn't deserve mercy!"

"Nightstar, I'm a good cat now," Brokenstar insisted. "I'm not evil at all! I have a steady job and do community service and don't run a House of Villains or anything evil like that."

Oakheart sent the security guard a confused look. "Are you sure you don't run a club for evil cats? I'm pretty sure you do. Isn't it called Brokenstar's House of Villains?"

"Um…nope. Doesn't ring a bell," the ragged tom mewed nervously. "I spend my time working security and volunteering at the daycare center for orphaned kits and building dens for cats in need. I certainly don't run a club for evil cats to work on their plans for total world domination. That's an insane idea!"

Nightcloud laughed. "It's okay, Brokenstar. We all believe you. Brokenstar's House of Villains totally doesn't exist."

"Thank you!"

"Anyway," the host carried on, "Redtail and Oakheart get another point!"

Leafpool drew two more tally marks with her pink marker. "Redtail and Oakheart both have two points! Nightstar still has zero!"

Nightcloud studied the whiteboard. "We have a tie! But don't worry- we're only halfway through! Question three: What's your favorite toy?"

"The My Little Pony Dream Castle with Rainbow Dash," Redtail answered quickly. "Rainbow Dash is my favorite pony, and that castle is awesome! It's pretty and purple and sparkly…"

"Did you ever play with toys for toms?" the host asked.

The tortoiseshell tom shook his head. "My first litter only had a daughter, remember? When I played with Sandstorm, she only liked girly toys. If only I had lived to raise Ashfur…then I could have played with hotwheels and footballs."

Oakheart replied next. "I'm so glad I had a son and a daughter who lived. I got to play with toys for both little she-kits and toms. Anyway, my favorite toy was a remote control Chevy Corvette. Crookedstar preferred Ford Mustangs, but he doesn't have good taste in cars. His remote control Mustang was always breaking. Dad had to replace it fourteen times!"

"My favorite toy was 'Behead Me Brokenstar'," Nightstar meowed. "It was a toy cat that looked like Brokenstar and came with a model guillotine that really chopped his head off!"

The security guard huffed angrily. "Rude! Beheading me is not good or moral!"

"You're not Firestar!" the black tom hissed. "You don't get to lecture me about being good or moral."

Nightcloud shifted in her chair. "Please stay calm. The show isn't over yet."

"Whatever," Nightstar hissed. "Brokenstar is the worst cat who ever lived and needs to die a thousand painful deaths!"

"I'm nice now!" Brokenstar cried. "Stop being mean!"

The old tom shook his head. "You destroyed my Clan! You don't deserve mercy! And even now you claim to be reformed, yet you lead a club for evil cats! You'll never be good! You don't even deserve the chance to be good! I want you DEAD!"

"AHHHH!" Brokenstar cried, flying at Nightstar. He began whacking the black tom with an old computer. "I am reformed! I am not evil!"

"Whacking me is evil!"

The security guard continued violently whacking Nightstar with the old computer. "Die! Die! Die! You get to die for being mean!"

Tansy sent Nightcloud a confused glance. "So…I think the show's over, but you have a tie. Who do you want to declare the winner?"

"Um…" the host meowed, distracted by Brokenstar's violent behavior. "Oakheart, I guess. His remote control car sounded cooler than a My Little Pony castle."

"STOP HITTING ME WITH A COMPUTER, YOU EVIL SCUM!" Nightstar screeched.

"I am not evil!" Brokenstar spat. "I. AM. REFORMED. NOW DIE FOR MAKING ME FEEL BAD!"

Tansy quickly shut off her camera before the viewers at home witnessed a murder. The audience quickly fled the auditorium while Nightcloud called Firestar's Police Force of Morality. Brokenstar continued whacking Nightstar with the old computer until Firestar, Hollyleaf, and other good and moral cats showed up to drag him away in paw-cuffs. It looks like somebody will be spending the night at Smiley Dayz Insane Asylum for the Criminally Insane again.


	31. Scourge, Rainfur, Crookedstar

**_(A/N: Yay! Another episode! So...there is a chance that my updating schedule might be a bit off next week. I've got two essays I have to write this weekend, four final exams next week, and I'll be moving back home from college. It'll be a bit hectic, so I'm not sure how much time I'll have to write. Just thought I'd let you know. It's possible my updating schedule won't be messed up, but...)_**

_Episode 31: Scourge, Rainfur, Crookedstar_

"Welcome to the most popular game show in the world- Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool meowed happily. "We have another exciting episode for you all today! Anyway, I'm sure you all want to know if we have our security guard back. We do. Tansy had to rescue him from Smiley Dayz Insane Asylum for the Criminally Insane. Dr. Spottedleaf wanted to keep him locked up for good, but we got him back! Now let's hear it for everybody's favorite game show host- Nightcloud!"

"I told Tansy to just hire a different security guard," the black she-cat meowed as she padded onto the stage. "Brokenstar ends up in the insane asylum too often. We should get Darkstripe or Blackstar or somebody who isn't quite as…crazy."

The tabby-and-white announcer shrugged. "He's got to get his million hours of community service done somehow. Besides, haven't you been locked up in the insane asylum before?"

Nightcloud climbed in her red plush chair. "Not for the criminally insane! I spent some time in a regular insane asylum. I shouldn't have been there, though. There's absolutely nothing wrong with me.

"I'd beg to differ," Tansy meowed from behind her camera. "You took your special medicine this morning, right?"

"Don't ask me about my special medicine!" the host cried. "I'm a big girl! I'm responsible enough to remember to take it every day!"

The camera-cat gave her a skeptical look. "Sure. Okay. I believe you," she mewed sarcastically.

Leafpool nodded, agreeing with Tansy's sarcasm. "I believe you too, Nighty. Anyway, let's get our guests out here! Please welcome Scourge, Rainfur, and Crookedstar to the show!"

The three toms padded out onto the stage. Rainfur settled into the green plush chair closest to the host, Scourge sat on the middle green chair, and Crookedstar sat on the end.

"I'm going to win this time," the former RiverClan leader meowed. "My brother thinks he can win with his remote control Corvette? Well, I'll show him that I can win with a remote control Mustang!"

"I hate everything," Scourge muttered.

"I'm just happy to be here," Rainfur meowed, smiling at the camera.

Leafpool glanced at a pink notecard she was holding. "Well, I have a prize that might interest all three of you- especially Scourge. Today's prize is taking Nightcloud to Ashfoot's Ancient Graves Tour! This is brought to you by Ashfoot- the world's oldest cat who loves prunes, knitting, and telling young'uns about the good ole days!"

Scourge raised his eyes. "Ancient graves? Death? Sign me up!"

Nightcloud rolled her eyes. "Ashfoot is sooooo last millennia! I don't care about what the world was like before electricity or cars or smart phones or microwavable popcorn or Justin Bieber! That world must have been so boring!"

"But there's death and ominous, foreboding, evil stuff!" Scourge meowed. "Sounds like my kind of place!"

"I've seen too much death…" Crookedstar meowed sadly.

The host blinked quickly. "Well, I don't want this show to get all depressing, so let's start the questions! Question one: What's your favorite game?"

Rainfur answered first. "I like 'Extreme Rat Fighting' for the Nintendo DS. I'm on level forty-three!"

"My favorite game is 'Total World Conquest' for the Wii," Scourge meowed. "I've conquered the world seventeen times! After I take over the world I like to massacre everybody and wipeout the world's population. It's so much fun!"

Crookedstar shook his head. "That sounds so evil. I like playing 'Pretty Pretty Princess'. That was Silverstream's favorite game as a kit, so I loved playing it with her."

"Aw…." Nightcloud sighed. "That's so sweet! I think I'll give you a point."

Leafpool drew a pink tally mark next to Crookedstar's name on her whiteboard. "That's one point for Crookedstar!"

"Yay! I'm going to win and be a better date than my brother!" the RiverClan tom cheered.

"I don't know. Oakheart is a really fun date. It will be hard to top him," Nightcloud informed her guest. "Anyway, question two is: What is your latest crush's name?"

"Leafstar," Rainfur meowed. "She's a great leader despite not having much experience. She's so kind and generous, a great mother, a brilliant hunter…all good qualities a she cat needs."

Crookedstar tipped his head to one side. "I guess Graypool would be my last crush. She was so much like her sister, whom I loved with all my heart." He stopped talking to wipe a tear from his eye. "I miss Willowbreeze!" he cried.

"What a loser," Scourge growled. "Only weak cats fall in love. The only cat I've ever loved is myself, and I'm the only cat I'd want to be in love with."

"Oh, Scourgy-wurgy, surely you can think of one she-cat you'd be able to love?" Nightcloud pressed.

The tiny tom rolled his eyes. "I don't like you, Nightcloud!"

"You just need to be shown some love!"

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

Leafpool interrupted the quarreling cats. "I'm just going to give Crookedstar another point, okay?"

"Fine," Nightcloud sighed. "Question three: If you could go back in time, what would you change in your life?"

"I would try to perfect my stalking technique," Rainfur meowed. "I was never very good at that."

The host stared up at the ceiling. "Boring! You should do something exciting!"

Crookedstar answered next. "I wouldn't run away from RiverClan like I did as an apprentice. I'd just deal with Rainflower and rip Mapleshade's throat out. Dumb she-cats…"

"I'd go back to when I first met Tigerstar and kill him then and there," Scourge meowed. "He made me hate everyone! Everything I did was all his fault…well, my littermates and mother helped. They weren't so good, either. You know what? I'd go back and just kill everyone I ever met."

"Scourgy, Sweetheart, you really need a hug," Nightcloud meowed. She slipped off of her chair and hurried over to the tom, wrapping her paws around him in a tight embrace.

"Get off of me!" he hissed, trying to push her away.

The host only squeezed him tighter. "Not until you learn to love!"

"Brokenstar, help me!" the tom cried, still struggling.

The security guard padded over to the two. "Feel the love, Scourge. Feel the love."

"I don't want to feel the love!"

Brokenstar and Nightcloud exchanged glances. "Shall I make him feel the love tonight?" the security guard asked.

"Oh, yes. Scourgy-kins needs love!"

"No I don't!"

The security guard whacked Scourge with a unicorn pillowpet, knocking him off of his green chair.

"Ow!" the tom cried, rubbing his head.

Brokenstar again whacked the contestant with the pillowpet until Scourge fell back and hit his head hard on the stage floor, causing him to go unconscious.

Nightcloud smiled. "Good. Now I can make him my prisoner and teach him to love!"

"But what about our date?" Crookedstar asked. "I have the most points! Actually, I'm the only one with points."

"You can help me show Scourge how to love!" the host meowed.

Brokenstar stared at the unconscious Scourge, a wild gleam showing in his eyes. "But first I think we should do a segment of 'Doing Stuff to Toms while They're Unconscious'!"

"Oooo, that sounds like fun!" Crookedstar exclaimed.

"It is," Nightcloud meowed, scooping Scourge off the ground and hugging him tightly. "This is going to be very fun."


	32. Thornclaw, Longtail, Ratscar

**_(A/N: Hey, y'all! Empress Tansy here with your morning announcements...oh wait, it's afternoon here. Anyway, we're up to the 32nd episode! Hooray! Will Nightcloud ever settle down with a tom? I was thinking that for the finale (around Ep. 50-55 somewhere), maybe she could actually find a tom to settle down with. She could have a wedding if maybe. Tansy and Ashfur could have one, too. I don't know. It was just a thought. And I'll probably do another episode of Win a Date with Brokenstar soon. _**

**_Next order of business: I was thinking about trying my hand at a trollfic (with readable grammar). What do you think? Should I make an attempt?)_**

_Episode 32: Thornclaw, Longtail, Ratscar_

"Hey, y'all!" Leafpool meowed loudly, sitting in one of the plush green chairs on stage. "Guess what? I've been spending too much time with Tansy and I've started talking like her! I'm going to say 'y'all' for the rest of my life! Isn't that great? Anyway, I'm sure you're all wondering what happened to poor little Scourge on the latest segment of 'Doing Stuff to Toms while They're Unconscious'. Well, Nightcloud put her false eyelashes on, painted her claws green, and put on that awful green dress the bridesmaids wore at Blackstar's wedding. Then she put Scourge in a suit jacket and red bow tie, and then she stuck a rose in his mouth! After that she danced around her den with him singing 'Can you Feel the Love Tonight' from _The Meowing King_. Scourge woke up feeling quite dizzy and confused, but he felt the love!"

"And now he's furious with me," Nightcloud meowed, padding out onto the stage. "But he's so cute! I know he felt the love! Tomorrow I'm catnapping him and we're going to watch _The Notebook _and other really sappy love movies until he learns to love."

The tabby-and-white announcer laughed. "That sounds funny. I'd love to see his reaction when you tell him he has to watch a bunch of romance movies."

"I'll make him learn to love if it's the last thing I do!" the host said, settling down on her red plush chair.

Leafpool nodded. "You've got your work cut out for you, then. Anyway, let's bring out our guests for today! Please welcome Thornclaw, Longtail, and Ratscar to the show!"

The three toms padded out onto the stage, Thornclaw guiding Longtail to the three green chairs. Leafpool slid off of the one she was sitting on and helped Longtail into it.

"It's great to be here today," the blind tom meowed. "Where is 'here' exactly?"

"You're at Win a Date with Nightcloud!" Leafpool informed him. "You're going to compete with two other toms to win a date with the fabulous WindClan she-cat every tom is just _dying_ to go out with!"

The ThunderClan elder looked confused. "I'm at a game show? I thought I was being taken to the studio where I make my show- _Cooking with Blind Cats._"

Nightcloud offered an explanation for the guest. "Well, Halftail's Fire Brigade is still putting out the last fire you caused while cooking, so you're just going to have to settle for my show today."

"Well, okay then," Longtail meowed.

"I wish I had a mate," Thornclaw sighed.

"Long live ShadowClan- the world's greatest Clan!" Ratscar cheered.

The host narrowed her eyes at the ShadowClan guest. "We like WindClan around here," she growled. "Leafy, tell our boys what they're playing for today!"

Leafpool glanced at the pink notecard she was holding. "Today's prize is taking Nightcloud to Windstar's Windy Wild Wonder Wishful Water World- brought to you by Windstar, who apparently also likes water." The announcer looked confused. "Maybe she teamed up with Riverstar…"

"I love that waterpark!" Nightcloud exclaimed. "It was Breezy-baby's favorite place to go when he had a day off of his apprentice duties!"

"Go ShadowClan!" Ratscar cheered. "Down with ThunderClan!"

"Hey!" Thornclaw, Longtail, and Leafpool meowed, two of them sending the tom angry glares.

Nightcloud smiled as she shuffled her stack of notecards. "Let's start the questions! Question one: Do you like hashtags?"

Thornclaw answered first. "Sure. Who doesn't? #onlylosersdontlikehastags #imnotaloser"

"What's a hashtag?" Longtail asked.

The host thought for a moment. "It's what you put before phrases on Twitter and PawBook."

"I don't have a Twitter or PawBook. I can't read. I'm blind, remember?"

"Well, you won't be getting a point for this question," Nightcloud huffed.

Ratscar answered last. "#hashtagsareblackstarsfavoritething #shadowclanisawesome #iwishbrokenstarwasstilltheleader #heknewhowtolead #whycantblackstartrytotakeovertheotherclans #brokenstarwouldhave"

"Wow…you are weird, Ratscar," the host meowed. "I think I'll just give a point to Thornclaw."

Leafpool nodded, drawing a tally mark next to the golden tabby's name. "That's one point for Thornclaw!"

Nightcloud read the next question. "What's your favorite social networking site?"

"I don't have one," Longtail reminded her. "I don't have a computer that reads things out loud, and Twitter and PawBook don't come in Braille."

"I like Twitter," Thornclaw meowed. "I don't always have a lot do say, so 140 characters is enough for me. Besides, I can follow all of my favorite celebrities…Sunstar, Thundstar, Gray Wing, the members of One Direction, Selena Gomez…" he sighed dreamily as he trailed off."

Ratscar answered last. "I like PawBook. I have several friends- all from ShadowClan, of course. I even have my own group- Let's Get ShadowClan More Fans than ThunderClan, RiverClan, and WindClan Combined! #shadowclanisthegreatest #whodoesntlovebrokenstar #tigerstarwasawesometoo #blackstarandrussetfuraretheperfectcouple"

Nightcloud looked even more confused. "You are _really_ weird, Ratscar. Thornclaw gets another point!"

"That's two points for Thornclaw, zero for Longtail and Ratscar!" Leafpool announced.

The host glanced at her next notecard. "Question three: How much do you hate Brokenstar?"

"He's awful!" Longtail meowed. "He drove WindClan away, banished the elders, murdered kits, drove the medicine cat away…what a horrible guy! Tigerstar was never that evil. He would never have stooped to killing kits."

"Brokenstar's the worst," Thornclaw agreed. "Remember how he had my littermates and me catnapped back when we were little? Who catnaps little kits like that?"

Ratscar was shaking his head violently. "You both are so wrong. Brokenstar is awesome! I'm his number one fan! He was a great leader, and you're just jealous cuz you'll never be as great a leader as he was. #votebrokenstarforpresidentofthedarkforest #brokenstaristhebestleaderinthehistoryoftheworld"

"Well, I don't hate Brokenstar at the moment," Nightcloud meowed. "He's been a good boy lately. He even vacuumed my dressing room for me this morning. So…I guess I'll have to give Ratscar the point this time."

Leafpool updated her whiteboard. "Thornclaw has two points, Ratscar has one point, and Longtail still has zero points."

"Are we ready for the last question?" the host asked. "Question four: On a scale of one to ten, how attractive am I?"

"I can't see you," Longtail meowed. "So…um…seven? I don't know. Mousefur used to be hot, and I don't want to give you a ten because I've always had a crush on Mousey, so a seven should be okay."

"Rude!" Nightcloud hissed. "I'm way higher than a seven!"

Thornclaw answered next. "Eh…there are much prettier she-cats than you. Hazeltail, Blossomfall, Icecloud, Rosepetal…"

"Aren't they all a bit young for you?" the host asked.

"There aren't any available she-cats close to my age!" the guest exclaimed. "They already have mates!"

Ratscar answered last. "I guess you're pretty enough, even though you're not a ShadowClan cat. I'll give you a seven."

"I'm a ten!" Nightcloud spat. "A TEN! Brokenstar, get out here and make these toms say I'm a ten!"

"Wait, _Brokenstar_ is here?" Ratscar gasped. "_The _Brokenstar?"

The security guard nodded, padding up the guest. "Yep. I work security here. "

"Oh my StarClan, I'm your biggest fan!"

"So I've heard," Brokenstar growled, whacking Thornclaw violently with a ten-pound history book.

The ThunderClan tom fell off of his chair. "Hey, that hurt! Whack Ratscar too! He didn't give Nightcloud a ten either!"

The security guard shrugged. "No, he's a fan! I can't whack a fan."

"Brokenstar, your majesty, may I whack Longtail for you?" the star-struck Ratscar asked.

"Hm…your majesty…I like the sound of that," Brokenstar mewed. "Sure. Make sure you hit him like you're a deranged, mostly reformed, criminally insane mongoose."

Ratscar nodded, taking the ten pound history book. "Die, Longtail! Die for being blind and not knowing what a hashtag is!"

"I'm so proud…" the security guard sighed, watching the ShadowClan tom whack Longtail.

Tansy turned the camera on herself. "Well, that's it for this show. Thornclaw's the winner with two points. Ratscar might have been able to tie him, but Nightcloud's too conceited to realize she isn't a ten. Tune in next time to see toms tell me that _I'm_ a ten!"


	33. Bluestar, Squirrelflight, Hollyleaf

**_(A/N: Okay, so if at the end of the show I let Nightcloud settle down, who do you want to see her with. Are you team NightxScourge or NightxBerry? And someone gave me an awesome idea- the finale could be the she-cats throwing a party for Brokenstar because he somehow managed to complete his hours of community service. Is that even possible? We'll see...)_**

_Episode 33: Bluestar, Squirrelflight, Hollyleaf_

"Welcome to the most amazing show on ClanTV!" Leafpool meowed. "Are you ready for an all-new, never-seen-before episode of Win a Date with Nightcloud? Well, you're not going to get one today. Nightcloud decided to take Scourge on a romantic vacation to Paris so she can make him feel the love, so today we have another special episode of Win a Date with Brokenstar!"

The ragged-looking security guard padded onto the stage, wearing his beautiful sparkly pink sweater. "Leafpool, you forgot to tell our audience our big announcement!" He turned to face the cats sitting in the auditorium. "We have big news!"

The tabby-and-white announcer nodded. "We have the biggest news anyone could possibly have concerning everyone's favorite television network. Another brand-new show is coming to ClanTV! That's right- Tansy's been hired to direct another show! Prepare your brains for an all-new mostly educational TV show- Blackstar's Bizarre History Show!"

"Yeah…we said 'mostly' educational," Brokenstar meowed. "It's Blackstar. You may learn something, but he's probably going to just make a fool of himself."

"Yep," Leafpool agreed. "Now, onto today's show! Let's all welcome Bluestar, Squirrelflight, and Hollyleaf to the stage!"

The three she-cats padded onto the stage, flashing the camera brilliant smiles. Bluestar sat down on the green chair closest to Brokenstar. Squirrelflight sat down next to her.

"It's great to be here today," the dark ginger she-cat mewed.

Bluestar nodded. "I heard Brokenstar's reformed now. It's so nice that ClanTV has given him the chance to prove himself."

"I hate cats who break the warrior code," Hollyleaf grumbled, glaring at the blue-gray ThunderClan leader.

Brokenstar narrowed his eyes. "You sound like Firestar."

The black she-cat nodded seriously. "I'm his second-in-command at Firestar's Police Force of Morality. Just call me Deputy Hollyleaf."

"Right…well, let's hear what you three are playing for today," the security guard said.

Leafpool glanced at her pink notecard. "Today's prize is a shopping spree with Brokenstar at Redtail's Radio Shack- brought to you by _Death by a Tiger's Claws Electronics_."

"Oh good, I could use a new iPhone," Hollyleaf mewed. "My last one broke during a police raid over at Smiley Dayz Insane Asylum for the Criminally Insane."

Brokenstar gave the she-cat a weird look. "Why'd you raid them? That's a great place!"

"They were stealing good and moral cats and working them like slaves!" Hollyleaf announced. "The cats who run that place were not being good or moral!"

"Whatever. Let's just start the questions," the tom growled. "Question one: Who is your favorite Dark Forest cat?"

Bluestar glared at the ShadowClan tom. "I thought you were reformed."

He shrugged. "I am. Mostly. Answer the question."

"Fine," she hissed. "I guess…Mapleshade's pretty cool. She had a good motive."

Squirrelflight answered next. "I'll say Snowtuft. I have no idea what he did that was so bad, but those little tufts of fur on his ears are kind of adorable."

Hollyleaf sent the host an angry look. "I will not answer the question! Dark Forest cats are not good or moral!"

"Answer!"

"You make me sick, Brokenstar," the she-cat spat. "I'll say Breezepelt. He's not dead yet, but he better end up in the Dark Forest for what he did. Did you know he didn't even send me a 'get well soon' card after I died? He's the worst brother ever!"

Brokenstar thought about the answers for a moment. "Those are all really good choices. Mapleshade's evil and is madly in love with me, Snowtuft is pure evil, and Breezepelt is the worst brother I've ever met…so I guess I'll give each of you a point!"

Leafpool drew three pink tally marks on her whiteboard. "That's one point for Bluestar, one point for the best sister ever, and one point for the best daughter ever!"

"Thanks, Sis!" Squirrelflight mewed.

"I hate you both," Hollyleaf growled.

Brokenstar shuffled his stack of pink notecards. "Be nice, Hollyleaf. Question two: How many kits do you want?"

"Three!" Bluestar exclaimed. "And I want them all to live! I don't want to watch another daughter freeze to death."

Hollyleaf answered second. "I don't want any kids. I'm too busy enforcing the warrior code to worry about raising a family."

"Well, I want three perfect kits, and I already have them!" Squirrelflight meowed joyfully.

"We're not your kits!" Hollyleaf hissed, swatting her mother with a rolled-up newspaper.

"Holly-kins!" Leafpool growled. "You do not hit your mother!"

Hollyleaf rolled her eyes. "She's not my mother."

The scorekeeper hit the black she-cat with her pink marker. "You take that back! You have two awesome mothers and two great fathers! Show us some respect!"

"I'll never respect either of you!" Hollyleaf screeched, preparing to attack Leafpool.

"Whoa! Hold on please!" Brokenstar cried. "We can't hurt anyone until the end of the show! Wait until I finish my questions, Hollyleaf."

"Fine," the black she-cat huffed.

The host sighed. "Leafpool, give Bluestar and Squirrelflight a point."

The scorekeeper nodded, heading back to her whiteboard. "Bluestar now has two points, my awesome sister has two points, and my daughter with no manners has one point!"

"Mom!" Hollyleaf cried.

"Yeah…I'm just going to read the next question now," Brokenstar mewed quickly. "Question three: Would you be willing to take over the world with me?"

Bluestar shook her head. "I guess you're not really reformed, are you?"

"I am," he replied. "Mostly."

Squirrelflight answered next. "No, I'm not going to take over the world with you. Now if Bramblestar wanted to take over the world…"

"I'd take over the world if it meant I could force everyone to follow the warrior code," Hollyleaf meowed.

"Finally!" Brokenstar exclaimed. "Someone who's willing to take over the world! Leafy, give your amazing daughter another point!"

Leafpool nodded. "The scores are tied at two points!" she meowed.

Squirrelflight leaned back in her chair to look at her sister. "So, Leafy, how's life going with Crowfeather? Is he still as great as always?"

"Yep! He says that he can't wait to take the grandkits to Disney World this summer! It's going to be awesome!"

Hollyleaf threw her paws up in the air. "I can't take this anymore! You two are driving me insane!"

Brokenstar glanced at his imaginary watch. "Well, with all this fighting I don't think we'll have time for another question. I declare Hollyleaf the winner because she's willing to take over the world."

"Can I attack Squirrelflight and Leafpool now?" the black she-cat asked.

"Sure," the security guard replied. "What do you want to hit them with? I've got rugs, oxygen, molecules, picture frames, baseball bats…"

"I'll take the baseball bat!" Hollyleaf decided, taking the aluminum bat and whacking Squirrelflight with it. Then she leaped from her chair and began chasing Leafpool around the stage, trying to whack her as well.

Brokenstar glanced down at Tansy. "Well, I think I've finally found the she-cat for me. She's pretty and is okay with total world domination and is violent! She's great!"

"Good for you, Brokenstar," Tansy sighed. "I think I'll just stick with Ashfur. At least _he's_ sane! Tune in next time to see if Nightcloud's back to stop this madness!"


	34. Firestar, Boulder, Mudclaw

**_(A/N: Hello, loyal subjects! I'm back! Episodes will be up every other day again. Hehe. I'm home! No school until the end of August! :))_**

_Episode 34: Firestar, Boulder, Mudclaw_

"Welcome to the most insane show on ClanTV!" Leafpool meowed. "It's time for another fabulous episode of Win a Date with Nightcloud! I'm sure you're all wondering how Brokenstar and Hollyleaf's date went. Well, -"

"We're in love, Leafy! It's true love!" the ragged security guard meowed from his spot on the side of the stage.

Leafpool nodded. "Yep. Their date went well, surprisingly."

Brokenstar padded up to the tabby-and-white announcer. "We went to Redtail's Radio Shack and bought new iPhones, new headphones, and new cords and stuff that we don't even know how to use. Then we went to Thistleclaw's Pizza Shack of Evil and split a carrion and lizard pizza while discussing our plans for world domination. On our next date I'm going to take her to my House of Villains."

Nightcloud strolled out onto the stage. "That sounds…wonderful, Brokenstar." The black she-cat cast a worried glance at Leafpool. "Why do I suddenly feel sorry for my step-daughter?"

"Because she's dating our security guard!" Leafpool cried. "Where did I go wrong with her?"

Tansy coughed quietly from behind her camera. "Okay, you three. This isn't Nightcloud and Leafpool's Gossip Hour. Let's start the game now."

"Alright," the host meowed. "Leafy, who are our guests today?"

"Hm…today's victims are Firestar, Boulder, and Mudclaw!"

The three toms padded out onto the stage, flashing Tansy's camera pleased smiles.

Firestar sat down on the green chair closest to Nightcloud's/ "I want to hear more about Brokenstar's House of Villains. I'm sure my granddaughter is only working undercover to stop the villains' plans for total world domination."

"No she isn't," Brokenstar informed the tom. "She really loves me."

Mudclaw sighed loudly as he sat down in the middle green chair. "I should have been WindClan's leader.

Boulder waved at the security guard. "Hey Brokenstar! Long time no see!"

The announcer smiled happily. "All of our guests seem to be in a good mood today- except for Firestar and Mudclaw anyway. Maybe today's prize will make them even happier! Today our guests are playing for a shopping spree at Princess's Perfumes- brought to you by _Live Beauty Inc._"

"Ew!" Mudclaw hissed. "I hate perfume shopping! Whitetail used to make me go with her when she needed new perfume, and those stores always smell awful! And did you know that after I died she didn't even grieve? No! She went and decided to date Onestar- the guy that got me killed! How horrible is that?"

"Somebody's bitter," Nightcloud meowed. "Anyway, let's start the questions. Question one: What are your reasons to hate Crowfeather?"

Firestar answered first. "He made my daughter fall in love with him and run away from my Clan. Thank goodness my darling Spottedleaf told her to come back!"

"Dad!" Leafpool cried. "Stop being angry with Crowfeather! He's the most wonderful tom ever! And Nightcloud- stop asking this question!"

Boulder answered next. "Who's Crowfeather?"

"Well, I hate Crowfeather because he ran away from WindClan as an apprentice, fell in love with a RiverClan cat, supported Onestar, fell in love with a ThunderClan cat, produced a horrible son-"

"Would everyone stop hating my mate?!" the scorekeeper wailed.

Nightcloud laughed. "No! He's awful! You're the only one who likes him, Leafy. Give Firestar and Mudclaw a point."

"Fine," the tabby-and-white she-cat growled. "My mean father and Mudclaw both have one point."

"Who's ready for question two?" the host asked. "Do you like waffles?"

Boulder nodded. "Who doesn't? Waffles are amazing!"

"Yeah. I ate two this morning with rabbit-flavored syrup!" Mudclaw added.

Firestar folded his paws across his chest. "Why does everyone keep asking me this? I am Firestar and I DON'T LIKE WAFFLES!"

Leafpool didn't even wait for Nightcloud to announce who was getting the point. "Mudclaw now has two points, Boulder has a point, and my very annoying father has one point!"

"I don't like waffles! Stop hating me because of it!"

Nightcloud rolled her eyes. "How is it that the kittypet is the one who doesn't like twoleg food? Anyway, question three is: Who's the best she-cat who ever lived?"

"I think it's Russetfur," Boulder meowed. "We both joined ShadowClan after being rogues from the twoleg place, and she became a respected warrior who won the hearts of the whole Clan and even became deputy! Isn't that great?"

Mudclaw answered next. "I used to think it was Whitetail until she went and started dating the cat who stole the leadership position even though it was mine!"

"Leopardstar…" Firestar sighed dreamily.

"Dad!" Leafpool cried. "Stop thinking about Leopardstar! You have a mate! Remember Sandstorm- my mom?"

"Leopardstar…"

Nightcloud sighed. "I really don't enjoy these episodes when Firestar is on."

"Neither do I," the scorekeeper growled, glaring at her father. "I think I'll give Boulder and Mudclaw points just to keep him from winning."

"That's fine," the host mewed.

Leafpool update her whiteboard. "Mudclaw has three point, Boulder has two points, and my father has one point!"

"That's not fair!" Firestar cried.

"Well, you're annoying everyone, so you lose," the scorekeeper informed him.

Nightcloud nodded. "Yep. And because I make all the executive decisions around here, I can make that happen. Now let's move on to the last question. Do you own a Jeep?"

"I do!" Boulder exclaimed. "I have an orange one!"

"I have a Chevy pickup," Mudclaw meowed. "It's blue."

Firestar answered last. "I just got a golden spotted Ferrari."

"Dad!" Leafpool wailed. "Mom is going to kill you!"

Nightcloud nodded. "If I were Sandstorm, I'd be so mad right now."

The scorekeeper counted the final scores. "Mudclaw has four points, Boulder has three, Brokenstar needs to hurt my dad…"

"Sweetheart, that is not good or moral!" Firestar meowed. "We must be good and moral cats!"

Brokenstar padded up to the ginger tom and whacked him with a box of feta cheese. "Yeah…we don't do good or moral here."

"That's it!" the ThunderClan leader cried. "I'm calling my police force! Firestar's Police Force of Morality will shut you down!"

The security guard shook his head. "I don't think so." He whacked Firestar with the cheese again, then tied him up with a pink glittery jump rope and hauled him backstage to do who-knows-what."

"Well then…" Nightcloud mewed. "I guess that's the end of the show. Mudclaw and I are going to go perfume shopping, and then I'm going to go for a ride in Boulder's Jeep! See you next week!"


	35. Jayfeather, Bramblestar, Mudclaw

**_(A/N: I'm sorry I didn't post a chapter of Only the Voices in My Head yesterday. I have no excuse..._**

**_Warriorgal99- That WAS random, but okay...that was an awesome show, though. Ah...The Amanda Show. Why does Nickelodeon not make shows like that anymore?_**

**_The easy bake oven and Dovewing's theater ideas have been added to my list! Thanks a bunch. :) )_**

_Episode 35: Jayfeather, Bramblestar, Cloudtail_

"Mommy, look at me!" a tiny long-furred black she-cat cried as she spun around the stage wearing a pink princess tiara. "I can spin _fast_!"

"You sure can!" the ginger camera-cat meowed. "Good job, Star!" Tansy turned to look at her other daughter, who was sitting in a chair next to her happily eating an oreo. "Mallow, don't you want to play with your sister?"

"Nope. I just want my oreo."

A tabby-and-white she-cat padded onto the stage. "Is it time to start the show yet? I know we got here early, but I think it's time now."

Tansy glanced at her imaginary watch. "Oh, yes it is. Star, come down now and sit by me!"

The kit sighed sadly and stopped spinning. "But I almost broke my record of spinning for five whole minutes without getting dizzy!" she whined.

Leafpool smiled as she watched the tiny cat stroll off of the stage. "I remember when my kits were that small…anyway, it's time for Win a Date with Nightcloud! Let's hear it for your host- the wonderful, the beautiful, the amazing Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat padded onto the stage. "Star can only spin for five minutes? Ha! I can spin for nine minutes!"

"Oh, stop your boasting!" Tansy muttered. "She's only four moons old! You've had season cycles to practice!"

"Whatever," Nightcloud mewed, sitting down on her red plush chair. "Who are my victims today, Leafy?

Leafpool glanced down at her pink notecard. "Today we have Jayfeather, Bramblestar, and Cloudtail on the show!"

The three toms padded onto the stage, flashing Tansy's camera brilliant smiles.

"Brambly, I love you!" Mallow cheered, holding up a pink sign that read 'I Luv Bramblestar'.

"Um…thanks?" the dark brown tabby meowed as he sat down on a green chair.

"He noticed me!" the tiny kit cried, falling out of her chair.

Nightcloud laughed. "It's like she just met a celebrity or something. How adorable is that? Now let's hear what these boys are playing for!"

The announcer glanced at another notecard. "Today's prize is taking Nightcloud to Raggedstar's Cheezy World- brought to you by _Ragged's Cheese Co_."

"I hope I don't win," Cloudtail mumbled. "I don't want Brightheart to get mad. She still thinks I love Daisy!"

"Well on this show, anything can happen," Nightcloud informed the guest. "Now onto the questions! The first one is: What is your worst memory?"

"Seeing my beautiful Brightheart lying on the ground after being torn apart by dogs!" Cloudtail mewed sadly. "She looked so fragile. I didn't think she'd live!"

Jayfeather answered next. "Finding out my parents were Leafpool and Crowfeather. What kind of mother dumps her kids on her sister and forces that sister to lie to her own mate? And Crowfeather's just a grump! I mean I know he loves me more than Breezepelt, but still! Bramblestar's a much better father."

"Thank you, son," the dark brown tabby meowed.

"Now listen here, boy!" Leafpool growled, stalking up to Jayfeather. "You say something nice about your father this instant!"

"Bramblestar is a brilliant hunter, a marvelous fighter, and a noble leader," Jayfeather meowed.

The scorekeeper threw her paws in the air. "YOUR REAL FATHER!"

"He is my real father as far as I'm concerned."

Bramblestar stood up, gently nudging Leafpool away from her son. "You just go back to your whiteboard now," he meowed. "Anyway, my worst memory is finding out my children weren't really my children! I was so upset!"

"See!" the blind tom cried. "See how horrible my birth parents are? They made my dad upset!"

Nightcloud nodded. "I see. You're right, Jayfeather. Crowfeather is horrible. All three of you had great answers, though. Points for everyone!"

Leafpool sighed as she padded back to her whiteboard. "That's one point for Cloudtail, one point for Bramblestar, and one point for my son that keeps trying to break my heart!"

"I love you, Brambly-bear!" Mallow cried.

"Is this show always this weird," Bramblestar asked, staring at the kit.

"Pretty much," Nightcloud meowed. "Question two: What's your favorite book?"

Cloudtail answered first again. "The one I wrote about my love for Brightheart- Love Conquers all Obstacles."

"Aww, that's so sweet," the host meowed.

Jayfeather answered next. "My favorite is How to Deal with Finding Out Your Parents Aren't Your Real Parents by Mistystar and Stonefur. They wrote it after finding out Graypool wasn't their mother, and it really helped me a lot."

"You are so disrespectful!" Leafpool growled. "I didn't raise you like that!"

"You didn't raise me at all!" the gray tom hissed.

Bramblestar sighed. "I'm just glad my kits aren't mad at me- not that I knew anything about the lie and was kept from knowing the truth too. Anyway, my favorite book is Why Daddy has to Leave the Clan by Goldenflower. Mama wrote it to help explain to Tawnypelt and me why Tigerstar was banished from ThunderClan when we were kits."

The host nodded. "Those are all really good answers again. I guess I'll have to give all three of you points."

"Everyone has two points," Leafpool sighed. "Even my son who apparently has NO manners!"

"Get over it, Leafy," Nightcloud meowed. "Question three: Who is or was the cutest kit ever?"

Jayfeather replied first this time. "Well, I can't see any of them, but from talking with them I'd have to say Seedkit is pretty cute. I think she could possibly be my apprentice someday. She seems to enjoy helping me sort herbs."

"Can I say all of my kits?" Cloudtail asked. "All of mine are the cutest! I can't pick which one is the most adorable because they all are!"

Bramblestar answered last. "I think I've answered this on a previous episode. The answer is my daughter Hollyleaf. She was an absolutely adorable kit."

"You were supposed to say me!" Mallow cried.

"You aren't my daughter," the leader informed her. "Go ask Ashfur who the cutest kit is."

The black kit glared at him. "But I love you! You're supposed to think I'm the cutest!"

Tansy slapped her tail across Mallow's face, giving Bramblestar a sheepish look. "Sorry. She has a massive crush on you."

"I can tell."

Nightcloud tipped her head to one side. "I think Bramblestar had the best answer. Hollyleaf and I are actually getting along now, too. We're really bonding. She thinks of me as the mother who's never lied to her. Isn't that sweet? And her relationship with Brokenstar is going great!"

"Yeah…I'm not so sure I approve of her dating the most evil tom on the planet," Bramblestar mewed, narrowing his eyes.

Leafpool draws a pink tally mark next to the tom's name. "Bramblestar has three points, and Cloudtail and Jayfeather have two!"

Suddenly Brokenstar flew onto the stage, using specially made wings. He flew straight at Bramblestar and whacked the tom with a twoleg wardrobe. "How dare you not approve of me dating your daughter?!"

The ThunderClan leader glared at the security guard. "You're evil! She can't date evil!"

"Then you shall die!" Brokenstar hissed, whacking him with the wardrobe again, knocking the tabby unconscious.

Nightcloud looked confused. "Well, we're out of time, but my winner is out cold. I guess I'll have to wait until he wakes up to go on my date. Until then, how about we do a segment of 'Doing Stuff to Toms while They're Unconscious?"

"Yes!" Mallow cheered. "I'm going to make him a special shirt that says 'I Luv Mallow'!"

"That's my girl!" Tansy meowed proudly.

The host sighed, rubbing her head. "And Tansy thinks _I'm_ the weird one!"


	36. Smudge, Thunderstar, Jayfeather

**_(A/N: How'd we get to the 36th episode already? Gosh, I remember writing the first episode. It seems like it was only two months ago. Oh wait..._**

**_Spades- I'm not going to say I'm not taking suggestions, but if someone just happens to give me a suggestion, there's nothing I can do to stop them. If one of those suggestions ends up in an episode, it isn't my fault. This TOTALLY was never intended to be interactive in ANY way. *whistles innocently*)_**

_Episode 36: Smudge, Thunderstar, Jayfeather_

"Hello and welcome to the world's greatest television program- Win a Date with Nightcloud!"  
Leafpool meowed cheerfully. "Who wants to know what happened to Bramblestar on the latest segment of 'Doing Stuff to Toms while They're Unconscious'? Well, Mallow certainly did put him in a pink shirt that read 'I Luv Mallow', then she put a fancy fake handlebar mustache on his face, a red bow tie around his neck, and a purple fez on his head. The photos are all over PawBook for you to see. The poor tom was quite embarrassed when he saw them and Squirrelflight is apparently very angry with him. Now let's hear it for your host- Nightcloud!"

The black she-cat padded onto the stage, flicking her tail happily. "And our date went very well, too! I love making she-cats mad when I date their mates. It's so much fun."

Leafpool laughed. "Just so long as you never date Crowfeather."

"I won't," Nightcloud promised solemnly. "I won't ever go near him again."

"Good. He's mine," the announcer meowed.

"And Ashykins is mine!" Tansy reminded them.

The host nodded. "You two might be in committed relationships, but I most certainly am not. That's why I'm running a date show. Let's hear who our victims are today!"

Leafpool glanced down at a pink notecard she was holding. "Today's guests are Smudge, Thunderstar, and Jayfeather!"

The three toms padded onto the stage, two of them looking quite grumpy.

"Do I have to be on again?" Jayfeather grumbled, sitting on the green chair closest to Nightcloud. "I really really hate being on the show."

"Cloudstar was right," Thunderstar growled, sitting in the chair next to Jayfeather. "You treat guests horribly! Those cold steel cages are so cold! And there were no snacks to much on! _And _that big ragged tabby poked me with an authentic Spartan spear! Where'd he even get that? It hurt!"

Nightcloud smiled evilly. "I'll never reveal where Brokenstar gets his things for his collection of random items. Firestar would just go and shut that place down. And besides, then _everybody _would want to go and get random things, so there would be less for Brokenstar. Anyway, what are these boys playing for, Leafy?"

'Leafy' read another pink notecard. "Today's prize is a date with Nightcloud at IHOP- International House of Prey, brought to you by _Clans and Tribes United."_

"Mmmmmm….food!" Smudge meowed, rubbing his belly.

Nightcloud shuffled her stack of notecards. "Okay! Let's start the game! Maybe we'll actually have time to ask four questions. For some reason we have a bad habit of not getting through four questions like we plan to. Anyway, question one is: Who is the most attractive tom on the planet?"

Smudge looked confused. "I'm not sure. The answer has always been Berrynose in the past, but you seem to like Scourge a lot, too."

"I never said Scourge was attractive. I said he needed to feel the love," Nightcloud reminded him.

"I'll say Berrynose," Thunderstar meowed.

"Berrynose," Jayfeather sighed.

The host sighed dreamily. "It'll always be Berry-boy…"

Leafpool drew two pink tally marks on her whiteboard. "Thunderstar and my darling little boy each have a point!"

"Mom!" Jayfeather groaned. "Please don't embarrass me today!"

"It's my job," the scorekeeper mewed. "What's the point of having kids if I can't embarrass them?"

Nightcloud nodded. "I love embarrassing Breezepelt." She paused, looking troubled. "Maybe that's why he moved to the mountains…"

"I'm sure it was," the blind guest muttered.

The host blinked a tear away as she thought of her son. "Anyway, question two is: What's your favorite game?"

Smudge answered first. "Pie eating contests! I know it's not technically a game, but it's a competition, so it should count."

"I love pie!" Nightcloud meowed, cheering up. "I say it counts."

Jayfeather replied next. "My favorite game is haunting my enemies in their dreams! It's not a game for them, but it's a game for me! Take that, Breezepelt!"

"Hey! Don't bother my baby!" the host cried, throwing one of her notecards at the guest.

"He's a horrible brother. He deserves to have the occasional nightmare," Jayfeather shrugged.

Nightcloud looked over at her scorekeeper. "Can't you do anything?"

"Isn't Jay-jay darling?" Leafpool gushed.

"You're no help," the host sighed. "Thunderstar, what's your answer?"

The ginger tom thought for a moment. "My favorite game is Monopoly. I really ought to get a point for this round, since I'm the only one who actually named a real game."

"You are getting a point," Nightcloud informed him, "but so is Smudge because I like pie."

Leafpool drew more tally marks. "Now the score is: two points for Thunderstar, one point for Smudge, and one point for the sweetest little boy on the planet!"

"But Breezepelt isn't here…" the host meowed, obviously confused.

"She meant me," Jayfeather informed her, looking annoyed.

"Yep!" Leafpool mewed.

Nightcloud shook her head. "Breezepelt is sweeter than Jayfeather. Question three: If StarClan ordered you to kill me, would you do it?"

Smudge shook his head. "I don't believe in StarClan, so no. You get to live."

"StarClan would only order someone to kill you if you deserved it," Jayfeather meowed. "They wouldn't order the death of an innocent cat. If StarClan wanted you dead, then you must have done something really bad- worse than Brokenstar bad. If that's the case, then yes, I'd kill you."

"Same here," Thunderstar meowed. "StarClan wouldn't want an innocent cat to die, so if they want you dead then you aren't an innocent cat and deserve to die."

Nightcloud sighed loudly. "Why is the only one with the correct answer the one who doesn't believe in StarClan? Smudge gets the point!"

"Smudge and Thunderstar each have two points and my little angel has one!" Leafpool announced, doodling a picture of her grandkits rolling in some flowers.

"We have a tie!" the host meowed. "That means our fourth question is our tie-breaker question. On a scale of one to ten, how attractive am I?"

Jayfeather sighed. "From what I've seen of you in my dreams, you're very pretty. But you're insane, which makes you less attractive. I'll give you a six."

Smudge shook his head. "I'll say an eight. You're just a little too skinny for my taste, Nightcloud. I like cats with meat on their bones."

"I'm not skinny! I'm eleven pounds!" Nightcloud exclaimed. "I'm the perfect weight- not too thin, but not too fat."

"That's right," Thunderstar meowed. "You look wonderful. Smudge is overweight, and that isn't healthy _or_ attractive."

"I'm not overweight!" the kittypet hissed. "I'm only seventeen pounds, and most of it is muscle!"

The first ThunderClan leader shook his head. "I'm fifteen pounds, and I'm _all_ muscle. You are fat. Look at the way your belly jiggles when you talk! It's sickening."

"Will someone just say I'm a ten already?" Nightcloud sighed.

"Fine," Thunderstar meowed. "You're a ten."

"Thank you!"

Leafpool shook her head, stifling a quiet laugh. "That means Thunderstar finishes with three points! He's the winner of this episode!"

"Yay!" he cheered.

Suddenly Brokenstar came running onto the stage and whacker Smudge with a can of Axe body spray. "No one says Nightcloud is too skinny and gets away with it!"

"That's right!" the host said, folding her paws across her chest.

Smudge ducked out of the security guard's way. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Nightcloud's the perfect weight."

Brokenstar nodded, satisfied with Smudge's apology. "Good. We forgive you. But I'm still going to whack you with this body spray because I'm evil."

"Reformed, dear," Tansy reminded him.

"Reformed…evil…same thing," the tabby tom shrugged, raising his paw to whack Smudge again.

The camera-cat hovered her paw over the power button on her camera. "That's it for this show, folks! Tune in next time to see Smudge learn not to talk about a she-cat's weight!"


End file.
